14yr old wants boyfriend to stay over

[Sandfly46]

My husband's 14 year old daughter stays with us a couple of days every month. This time she want her boyfriend of 3 months to come and stay (not in the same room). My husband has agreed to this and is paying for his flights and travel. Im sick about it! I see no healthy reason to allow a boyfriend to stay overnight with a child even in a different room. DH just wants to keep her happy so basically agrees to whatever she wants so he doesn't lose her. I'm really struggling with his lack of parental boundaries and moral compass.

God no. She's 14!! Does your husband agree to everything she asks for? Also......Covid!! I don't know where you live but is this even allowed?

Mid-term and she's only known him 3 months. And she's 14.

No. I can't think of a single good reason to do this.

What does her mother think?

That’s ridiculous and he’s being pathetic. She’s a child. He’s her parent. His lack of boundaries is shocking.

Your husband is absolutely insane. This is a terrible idea. She is 14, ffs. This is your home, too. I would be putting my foot down, and if he doesn't come to his senses, I would be reevaluating the relationship.

Where in the world are you since that wouldn’t be permitted here right now due to covid restrictions?

@TheStripes why is that even important to you? Stick to the actual problem at hand instead of playing COVID police.

OP I'm with you on this, it's a terrible idea. Really inappropriate. Does her mom even know?

No , no and no again the relationship
is very new and she is too young. This would set a precedent for her future relationships. Good parenting is not always saying yes .

"Flight"? What part of the world?

I'm obviously in the minority here but i don't see how this is an issue - they'll be in separate rooms? I had boyfriends and girlfriends stay in the spare room at that age, so did my sister. Neither of us are now sexcrazed degenerates and there were zero teen pregnancies.

Thanks for your support, im in NZ if that helps with the covid question. Yes her mother knows and is seemingly fine with it, she even took her to get her lip pierced last week . I feel like im the only one who actually cares about being a parent to this kid.

@Ohalrightthen

I'm obviously in the minority here but i don't see how this is an issue - they'll be in separate rooms? I had boyfriends and girlfriends stay in the spare room at that age, so did my sister. Neither of us are now sexcrazed degenerates and there were zero teen pregnancies.

This, my boyfriend used to stay in the same room when I was 15 nearly 16 and I never had a teenage pregnancy and definitely not sex crazed, I don't have a teenager yet so can't say what I'd be willing to do - but everyone's different and everyone's boundaries aren't the same - I don't see a problem with it if it's in a separate room, but If he's a flight away will one night be enough?

no. She's 14. Not even open to discussion

They don't need to be together at night at 14 they're children! Shut that shit down.

I’m also not sure what the issue is; if there are flights and travel involved then it’s obviously not a situation where he could just come over for the day and go home. As long as they’re sleeping in certain rooms and probably some rules about not being in her bedroom alone then why not.

@AriesTheRam

They don't need to be together at night at 14 they're children! Shut that shit down.

Did you miss the bit where they'll be in separate rooms?

Why does the boyfriend need to get a flight, has your SD even met him in real life herself? Have your husband or his ex ever met this boy's parents, or even spoken to them or him?

@Ohalrightthen

I'm obviously in the minority here but i don't see how this is an issue - they'll be in separate rooms? I had boyfriends and girlfriends stay in the spare room at that age, so did my sister. Neither of us are now sexcrazed degenerates and there were zero teen pregnancies.

I'm in the minority too then, clearly. My DD is 14, her best friend (not boyfriend) at school is a boy. If she asked if he could sleepover in a separate room, I'd see this as no different to her having any of her girl friends sleep over. In no way would I permit same room, but if it's separate rooms I really don't see the issue.

And this is for 6 or 7 nights might I add. All my adult life I have been so rock solid on my beliefs and boundaries around age appropriate parenting regarding my own kids. Our older 2 boys, 17 (mine) and 25 (his) are shaking their heads in disbelief at the situation. They definitely were not allowed girlfriends to stay over at 14 years old and think hubby has lost his mind

How old is boyfriend?

LouJ85 this is her boyfriend that she is sexually active with... if it was a platonic guy friend I wouldn't worry so much.

Boyfriend is 16

age of consent in NZ is 16 i believe, so per the terms of the law, it is illegal for the boyfriend to have sex with your dsd as per the law she cannot legally give consent.

Well the boyfriend's age compared to hers as well as the fact they have already been sexually active changed my view slightly. That part wasn't clear from your OP.

Have you or her father spoken to her about the sexually active part? That seems an important conversation to have straight off the bat. You can't prevent them from having sex, but you can do your best to put safeguarding measures in place.

Did you miss the bit where they'll be in separate rooms?

Yeah because boyfriends and girlfriends in seperate rooms never ever go elsewhere once everyone else goes to bed.....!