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Original poster

14yr old wants boyfriend to stay over

85 replies

Sandfly46 · 23/11/2020 14:55

My husband's 14 year old daughter stays with us a couple of days every month. This time she want her boyfriend of 3 months to come and stay (not in the same room). My husband has agreed to this and is paying for his flights and travel. Im sick about it! I see no healthy reason to allow a boyfriend to stay overnight with a child even in a different room. DH just wants to keep her happy so basically agrees to whatever she wants so he doesn't lose her. I'm really struggling with his lack of parental boundaries and moral compass.

OP posts:
Closingtime94 · 24/11/2020 10:12

@andtheHossyourodeinon

No, the 16 year old is over the age of consent. Technically it’s statutory rape, therefore the dad is facilitating sexual abuse of a minor by allowing this to happen

They are still a child, and statuatory rape doesn't exist in the UK, so technically you are wrong, and no he isn't.
You are ridiculous.

I mean they are in NZ so not sure what the law i is but the 16 year old is over the age of consent where as the 14 year old isn't so they physically cannot consent. Whether the 16 year old is technically a child is irrelevant - and 16 year olds can be abusive, not saying her boyfriend is abusive but again 14 year olds cannot consent so having sex with her is illegal and the picture of her online in her underwear with him "grabbing her tits" is technically child pornography. Dad needs to stop being a Disney dad and sort this out.
Aerial2020 · 24/11/2020 11:31

@andtheHossyourodeinon

No, the 16 year old is over the age of consent. Technically it’s statutory rape, therefore the dad is facilitating sexual abuse of a minor by allowing this to happen

They are still a child, and statuatory rape doesn't exist in the UK, so technically you are wrong, and no he isn't.
You are ridiculous.

Er no that's incorrect. She is underage.
andtheHossyourodeinon · 24/11/2020 11:35

She is underage. That doesn't mean that is "sexual abuse of a minor" (the boy is also a minor), and its actually offensive to suggest it is.

Aerial2020 · 24/11/2020 11:55

Of course it is.
The boy is age of consent, she is not.
What is your problem with that?

Aerial2020 · 24/11/2020 11:59

You need to look up, you have it wrong

MrsDoctorDear · 24/11/2020 12:05

How the fuck do you have any respect/love for this man???

andtheHossyourodeinon · 24/11/2020 12:08

You need to look up, you have it wrong

Look up what? Whether 16 and 14 year old couple is child sex abuse? In what book?
I've looked it up, in the "big Book of the fucking obvious" and it turns out I'm right. HTH.

Aerial2020 · 24/11/2020 12:10

No need to be so rude.
You're still wrong

Aerial2020 · 24/11/2020 12:12

A 16 year old having sex with a 14 year old is against the law.
The law is there to protect children underage.

CtrlU · 24/11/2020 12:12

Absolutely not ! I can’t believe this is a question

Littlepaws18 · 24/11/2020 12:16

Technically the picture she made of herself could be classed as child pornography if she shared it she is distributing this and could get a criminal record. The police are in their powers to do this but on most occasions won't enact this. But it shows how serious it is.

As for the boy staying over, it just isn't appropriate. Worse case scenario is unthinkable and may have legal and criminal minds implications.

Even without any sexual issues involved, she is 14 acting like an adult, she shouldn't have a boyfriend she needs to fly in at that age, she is still developing biologically and mentally. It's quite an intense thing to maintain a long distance relationship and even more intense when they meet up.

But I think you know this, your husband is the blind sided one making decisions based on his relationship with her rather than her best interests which aren't always her wishes.

andtheHossyourodeinon · 24/11/2020 12:22

A 16 year old having sex with a 14 year old is against the law.The law is there to protect children underage

Don't tell people they are wrong when you don't know what the question was. It wasn't "is this against the law" it was "is this child sexual abuse"?
The answer to the first may be yes (but is not prosecutable in NZ) and the answer to the second is NO. Ergo, you're wrong. Several times over now. Hmm

Aerial2020 · 24/11/2020 12:25

Yep still being rude

andtheHossyourodeinon · 24/11/2020 12:26

Still being right.

Littlepaws18 · 24/11/2020 12:29

It would be child sexual abuse in the UK if a 16 year old boy had sex with a 14 year old girl, no matter how consensual it was. It would lead to a criminal conviction if the boy was found guilty. Children can abuse other children and it would still be deemed as child sexual abuse.

But this is a crazy and non relevant point. This hasn't happened. The point is should the boy stay over? And I've already put forward my thoughts on this.

andtheHossyourodeinon · 24/11/2020 12:34

No it wouldn't.

Aerial2020 · 24/11/2020 12:34

Of course it's a relevant point as the OP has said they are having sexual activity already.
Sex with an under age girl is sexual abuse. Of course it is so you'll always be wrong on that.

andtheHossyourodeinon · 24/11/2020 12:35

Still no.

Aerial2020 · 24/11/2020 12:36

If someone is of consent age and they have sex with a child under age they are abusing them as the child can't consent.
I don't see why that is such a argumentative point.

Aerial2020 · 24/11/2020 12:37

Educate yourself

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 24/11/2020 12:39

From your OP I would have said that the two of them flying up together, you and your DH meeting the boyfriend, and the two of them staying in separate rooms, could have been ok. From your updates - especially the age gap, and the fact that they are already sexually active - I’d say no.
Also.. where one party is over the age of consent and the other is younger.. is definitely a crime.. may not be considered in the public interest to prosecute, but definitely not legal. (A prosecution is much less likely where both parties are under the age of consent.)

andtheHossyourodeinon · 24/11/2020 12:42

If someone is of consent age and they have sex with a child under age they are abusing them as the child can't consent

Not when the other party is also a child. This is recognised in law.

Aerial2020 · 24/11/2020 12:47

What law book are you reading that from?
I

lemonsquashie · 24/11/2020 12:49

I don't think I we need to keep reminding OP of covid? It's very hard to forget it's there and presumably this is part of the consideration in this scenario

When I was 14, I stayed over with a BF regularly. I feel sick thinking about how my parents allowed it and wouldn't let allow my son or daughter to do this.

However, if they're in your house in a separate room, is it innocent? They're together so is it a good idea to get to know him? Does he/ do they live far apart? Depends on the circumstances

ChloeCrocodile · 24/11/2020 12:56

Not when the other party is also a child. This is recognised in law.

Which law is that then? Children can (and unfortunately do) sexually abuse other children.