DP and I have serious concerns that the money we provide for my stepchildren isn’t being spent on them and their DM is using it to fund her social life.
Before anyone jumps down my throat I was a single parent for 10 years and I’m fully aware of the struggles this can bring financially however we seem to be giving more and more money to DP’s Ex and the SCs seem no better off for it which is causing concern. Whilst their DMs social life is flourishing.
Just to add when I say she is out a lot I mean every single weekend and she doesn’t work (through choice) so it’s becoming obvious she is funding her lifestyle through benefits (no judgement here as I’ve been there myself!) and it appears extras from DP which is where my grievance lies.
DP pays maintenance in accordance with the calculated CMS amount (£440 pcm), and on top of that we give money for any extras that may be needed.
We pay for their phone bills, bus passes for school, school dinners, all haircuts, pocket money, extra clothes they may need / want, glasses, give them lifts everywhere they need to go - just so you get the picture. The kids are not hard done by and we are very generous with his Ex and never quibble if extra is asked for.
However, recently it seems the extra money that is requested and subsequently paid to his ex is not being spent on what it was intended for.
In the last 2 months we’ve forked out £230 for bus passes and £250 for the youngest SC’s school uniform (starting secondary school).
But the bus passes haven’t been ordered which means the SCs aren’t now guaranteed a place on their school bus. Every morning they have to queue up at the stop and the kids with bus passes take priority meaning some days they’ve had to walk home, rouse their mum and then get her to take them to school which makes them late.
Also the youngest SD has no told us she has only 1 school jumper and 1 school skirt - both non-brand, non-logo items which can easily be picked up from a supermarket or online shop. Mum has bought the cheapest shoes and bag for school from primark also. Blazer was £26, pe kit was a bundle deal for £22 also.
Eldest SD only needed new school shirts (3 pack for £12) and has some shoes from new look which were £20.
So we’re left wondering where the rest of the money has gone? It certainly hasn’t been spent on the kids uniforms?
Also the youngest’s phone broke so DP was asked to pay half towards a replacement, around £100 which he happily did. Then his DD let slip that it actually only cost £80 so her DM paid nothing towards it and pocketed the extra herself.
So in total in the last 8 weeks DP’s Ex has had in cash more than £680 for things for the kids and only around £230 seems to be have been spent on them.
Eldest needed some new trainers for PE, DP handed over £60 last week and she’s still wearing the old ones.
DP’s Ex is now asking for more money towards the eldest’s school coat.
Their DM doesn’t seem to be struggling for money either. They live in a nice home and she has a good social life - she’s always out for dinner and in bars with her friends.
How does DP broach this with her? I think the best way forward would to only give his ex the CMS amount each month but then he personally sorts out or buys whatever they need himself because it doesn’t seem to be materialising from their DM.
This will no doubt cause a massive shit storm but I think it’s probably the only way forward.