When should I meet my boyfriends kids?

[Coco777]

Me and my partner have been together for 5 months now, it’s been quite an intense relationship and we talk about a future together all the time.
He has 2 children from a previous relationship which is a bit rocky right now. The ex is very hot and cold when it comes to him seeing the children and often cancels last minute or changes her mind and says he needs to go through the court to see them.
She is also very jealous and angry about our relationship and feels that I took him away from her (her words) even though they have been separated for over 2 years now and I only met him 6 months ago.

He has started having his children more regularly now, once a week and every other weekend but they aren’t allowed to stay over.
I am driving myself crazy trying to figure out when it’s ok to meet the children and if I should feel upset that I haven’t met them yet.

Any help or advice would be amazing as I’ve never dated a man with children before!

Really ? Then you have NO experiece of meeting a man who has children by another wife /partner...

We ALL project t from our experience. My DH had uninterrupted contact for 3!years.. then met me.. queue 8 years in family court. I had apparently 'alienated ' the dcs ... until they reached the age where they all moved to live with us through their choice at court.!

What are you not understanding here? it’s not about his contact! (Or your husband’s!) it’s about when OP should meet his children. It’s in the thread title.

... and I have clearly answered that in my very long post .. 6 months
Getting to know him...!then some time getting to know him as a parent:.:

Then what the hell are you going on about asking people if there is any reason he shouldn’t have access to his children and talking about your DH being denied access?

For your own sake, wait a bit longer. As others said, a year or more. Protect yourself. You have to put yourself first. No one else will. Xx

@Smallsteps88

Then what the hell are you going on about asking people if there is any reason he shouldn’t have access to his children and talking about your DH being denied access?

Is is really that hard to make the mental leap ?

The OP from her first post states ;

The ex is very hot and cold when it comes to him seeing the children and often cancels last minute or changes her mind and says he needs to go through the court to see them.
She is also very jealous and angry about our relationship and feels that I took him away from her (her words) even though they have been separated for over 2 years now and I only met him 6 months ago.

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to work out that the ex is going to play silly buggers with contact in order to upset and frustrate her children's father. Especially if the OPs relationship becomes increasingly serious. In fact REGARDLESS of the OP , any father who has a co-parent blow 'hot and cold about contact' should be advised to get the arrangements court ordered to prevent this type of behaviour.
Children need to know when they can expect to see their other parent and to be assured it is regular and consistent. Changing minds at the last minute does not give children this type of security.

If the OPs partner sets about doing this now. By the time (if) she decides to be a more permanent part of her partners life - the children will have regular court ordered contact that cannot be interfered with on the whim of a jealous ex.

👍

Aye, dead on.

Where is the logic in them being split for 2 years and her thinking, being angry (according to him) that you have taken him away from her?

Then... she's hot and cold about him seeing the kids and says he has to go to court...but no overnights.

I honestly wouldn't continue in a relationship with this kind of drama.... and work her being angry that you've taken him away from her, I wouldn't think you'll be meeting the kids anytime soon.

They are both old enough to talk and if you're introduced as dad's GF... she'll probably stop him seeing them if everything you say is correct.

She'll also just the kids and mess him around... which will impact on your relationship in the future if she's what he has made her or to be..... I see no reason to put myself through such headache, where my plans can be disrupted by the Ex at the drop of a hat. No man is worth the stress MO

Good luck.

That's why I suggested HIM getting court ordered contact..

Removed this stress.. she gets to see how he parents and makes her decisions from there... walk away it stay if he is actually a decent parent . Who knows which he will be ....

I agree with a year. You want to be sure you and your boyfriend are stable together before you meet the children. Your boyfriend should sort out proper access through the courts if that’s necessary.