AIBU to not want to change baby's name because DSC don't like it?

[ApplePieOhApplePie]

So me and DH are expecting and recently found out what we were having. My SC are really excited and have been involved in talking about baby and asking loads of questions and stuff, it's been really nice.

We both recently chose a name we like (it is not some wild out there thing, it's a fairly standard normal name but we both really like it).

Anyway, we told my DSC the other day and DH came to bed last night and said they'd told him they don't really like the name we chose and now he thinks we should look for something else that we all agree on and ask the kids for suggestions instead.

AIBU to say no, I don't want to do that? I have a good relationship with my SC but I don't want to allow children to choose the name of our baby. I know what DH is like, he's a pleaser when it comes to the kids and he'll try to guilt me into accepting what the children like rather than what I like. I love what me and DH chose together and that's what my baby is to me now in my head. We looked for ages, me and DH, and we couldn't find another name we liked as much so I already know anything else we choose all together will not be what me and DH actually want. This was the only name we both went 'yes I really like that'. DH has said he still loves the name we chose, just thinks we should include the DSC in the process of choosing and look for something else if they don't like it.

I just think they will get used to it. It is a normal name, nothing whacky or weird, so they'll get used to it when the baby is here and in the scheme of things does it really matter if they aren't that fond of the name right now?

Maybe let them choose the middle name?

I think a lot of families involve the children in the name picking. It can help make them all feel involved especially when it’s a half sibling.

Could they maybe be involved in helping pick a middle name?

We did have conversations at first before we knew what the baby was about all the different names we all liked and stuff but a lot of them were a bit silly and it turned into more of a joke.

DH wants a family name as the middle name but I'll suggest that to him.

I just don't ever remember being involved in choosing the name of my siblings like not to the extent that my mum and dad would change what they were going to call them because I said I didn't want that.

I think it's fine to use the name you like. Depending on how old the DSC are they may well change their mind. Plus they might have a different criteria for names they like, rather than thinking ahead in an adult way.

My older children were not involved in naming my youngest at all. They gave their input, but ultimately it was our decision. Let them choose a middle name, the baby can have more than one, but not the first.

How old are the SC? I'd say stick to the name and point out they'll like it now once it's attached to an actual baby / remind them they can always give baby their own nickname if that wouldn't be an issue etc

@Letshavesometea

My older children were not involved in naming my youngest at all. They gave their input, but ultimately it was our decision. Let them choose a middle name, the baby can have more than one, but not the first.

Okay, would it be wrong to let them choose a 2nd middle name that wasn't 'official' but that we could use as a family?

DH has a family name that he wants to use as an official middle name, I can suggest he gives that up but I don't think he'll want to. I don't really want the baby to have a huge long name with more than one middle name, the first name is on the longer side as is our surname but I don't mind using the kids chosen middle name between us?

I think the other criteria comment is right as they are children, which is understandable. A lot of the suggested names were clearly things like game characters etc... The only serious ones were the names of their best friends. Nothing wrong with that but they weren't anything we liked enough to call the baby that. I really don't want to call the baby something we aren't actually happy with. I just feel like I'll regret it.

Oh dear god - what next?
Op - YOUR baby, YOUR choice & do NOT feel guilty about this. There doesn't even need to be a compromise by letting them choose a middle name.
Your dh is firmly in the wrong here & he should have just shut the dsc down (could have been done nicely & with humour) straight away saying mum & dad love X name so that's what the baby is going to be named.
Honestly the more I read about dsc & their people pleasing parents the more I think the blended family (in general) is doomed to be run by a shower of mini dictators (created by their parents) who feel they should have equal power in all decision making.
There aren't enough eyerolls in me for your dh.
Furthermore he wants a family name as the middle name - another reason (not that reasons are needed) he does NOT get to tell you to include his kids in choosing your baby's name!

My DSC's vetoed one of our baby names but, like you, we had got them involved in the long and short list of names. As it happens, DSD actually picked DD's first name, but it was from a list and we'd already agreed on.
In your situation I wouldn't change your choice. From what you have said I would guess that the kids are quite young. It won't be a highly considered rejection of the name, so I'd just let it go for now, and call the baby what you want when it arrives. Kids will either have forgotten or will get used to it. If they still don't like it (unlikely) maybe they can think up a nice nickname.

Okay, would it be wrong to let them choose a 2nd middle name that wasn't 'official' but that we could use as a family?

Unless they're toddlers they're going to realise that an 'unofficial' middle name isn't a thing, that no one uses middle names in a family, and so that you've entirely fobbed them off . I think it's fine not to give them a say in the name, but don't then give them a fake say in a fake middle name!

YANBU. Name your baby what you and DH want to call it. What happens if the children can’t agree between themselves in the name? What if the name they love, you absolutely hate? No chance would I be letting children name my child. Discuss suggestions so they feel involved but it’s ultimately your decision.

Definitely call the baby the name you like. DH shouldn’t have indulged them, it’s really not their decision.

DH has a family name that he wants to use as an official middle name, I can suggest he gives that up but I don't think he'll want to. I don't really want the baby to have a huge long name with more than one middle name, the first name is on the longer side as is our surname but I don't mind using the kids chosen middle name between us?

Why does it matter how long their formal name is? My kids have fairly long first names, 2 middle names (a Dh's family thing) and a fairly long surname. The eldest is 5, he's just first name/last name outside official documents.

Ultimately though, names you don’t like should be an automatic no.

Be careful that any middle names don’t spell out an unfortunate acronym!
But to your question : no, they don’t get to choose. They’ll get their turn one day.

I have four younger siblings, none of them got my suggestions for names. And by the time the youngest was born they were sensible!
My parents just said when you have your own baby you can pick the name. Which seemed fair to me. I'd go with that line if they say anything to you about it.

Okay, would it be wrong to let them choose a 2nd middle name that wasn't 'official' but that we could use as a family?
Nooooooo. Don't make any promises until you know what their chosen name is. Even then, it's a "we'll see how it goes". They could change their mind ten times before the baby arrives.

We never asked any of our children for their opinion on sibling names. I have a DSD and we have 2 DC together. If they didn't like the name? Tough. Not their baby not their choice!

Some of these replies are hilarious! Call your child whatever you like, why do they get an opinion on it?

I would just tell him it will really upset you to have to give up the name you and he loved and that you're sure the DC will come round with a bit of persuasion and positive spin, which is probably true. I would make it crystal clear how ridiculous it is that he's even suggesting letting DC override an adult decision too, nip that one in the bud from the off OP!

Hmmm. I wouldn’t want my existing children to choose the name of a new baby. But - depending on their age - I would want them to be involved and I wouldn’t want to give the new baby a name I knew my existing children actively disliked. Genuine question - would you feel differently if the DSC were biologically yours? I.e if a few years down the line you and your partner have another child and this new baby actively disliked the name, would you take their views into account?

We haven’t even told DD1(6) what DD2’s name is going to be. She’ll be told once she arrives. She doesn’t get a say in the name and, having witnessed the naming of toys and characters, we’ve made the right decision.

Your DSC also shouldn’t get a day and your DH needs to support you with that.

I wouldnt have told them before the baby is born. When the baby is born just introduce them as their name. They don't have a say ffs.

If it's important to your DH that the SC contribute then he can sacrifice his family name in the middle. If he doesn't want to do that then it's clear he wants you to make a sacrifice for his children that he's not willing to. Fuck that.

You've chosen a name together and that is the name.

FWIW - it's best not to share baby names prior to arrival for exactly this reason - everyone will have an opinion or try and make suggestions or change your mind.

It's your baby and your name and he needs to start being a partner as well as a dad.

*shouldn’t get a say