AIBU to not want to change baby's name because DSC don't like it?

[ApplePieOhApplePie]

So me and DH are expecting and recently found out what we were having. My SC are really excited and have been involved in talking about baby and asking loads of questions and stuff, it's been really nice.

We both recently chose a name we like (it is not some wild out there thing, it's a fairly standard normal name but we both really like it).

Anyway, we told my DSC the other day and DH came to bed last night and said they'd told him they don't really like the name we chose and now he thinks we should look for something else that we all agree on and ask the kids for suggestions instead.

AIBU to say no, I don't want to do that? I have a good relationship with my SC but I don't want to allow children to choose the name of our baby. I know what DH is like, he's a pleaser when it comes to the kids and he'll try to guilt me into accepting what the children like rather than what I like. I love what me and DH chose together and that's what my baby is to me now in my head. We looked for ages, me and DH, and we couldn't find another name we liked as much so I already know anything else we choose all together will not be what me and DH actually want. This was the only name we both went 'yes I really like that'. DH has said he still loves the name we chose, just thinks we should include the DSC in the process of choosing and look for something else if they don't like it.

I just think they will get used to it. It is a normal name, nothing whacky or weird, so they'll get used to it when the baby is here and in the scheme of things does it really matter if they aren't that fond of the name right now?

DH has a family name that he wants to use as an official middle name, I can suggest he gives that up but I don't think he'll want to

But he's suggesting you change the first name. And you don't want to.

You have a DH problem here! I presume the baby will have HIS surname and now he wants to use one of HIS family names as the middle name and let HIS DC pick the first name?

Tell him to jog on, where's your voice in all of this? You should get 100 percent choice of first name given he has the other two names!

Does he always pander to his kids?
What age are they? Will he be running parenting decisions by them too?
Tbh it’s not up for discussion, just say no and stick to it.

@pinkyredrose

DH has a family name that he wants to use as an official middle name, I can suggest he gives that up but I don't think he'll want to

But he's suggesting you change the first name. And you don't want to.

Nope I don't. I guess the point is if DH really wants his children to have a say, it'd be the middle name he'd have to give up, not the first that I don't want to.

But like others have said now actually I don't see why they need to decide any name. Maybe if DH agreed to lose the middle name we could give a list of names we like and they could choose from that but I certainly wouldn't want to just give free reign to choose any name they want 😂

Just to confirm I won't be allowing this by the way, I was just asking if I was being unreasonable saying no. I have no intention of allowing my DSC to choose my babies name or giving in. Just wondered if I was a wicked witch for saying so 😂

glad to hear that OP 🌺

I'd say let the DSC choose a middle name, except the DH will most likely be registering the birth so it's ultimately up to him.

I've heard of families where the father has (accidentally or not) transposed names or changed or omitted one while registering. Risky.

I had a friend (aged 7) who was allowed to pick her younger sister's name - it was an utterly ridiculous name and showed exactly why children should NOT be allowed to name their siblings! The poor child was saddled with a name that everybody raised their eyebrows at.

Seriously, pick the name yourselves - it's your baby/choice.

You and DH's baby. The kids don't get to to choose the name. End of.

Why would the DH be most likely registering the birth?

How ridiculous OP!
Call your baby whatever you want! I don’t understand why the children need to have any say in it at all. They’ll probably forget all this soon enough but you won’t if you have to change your baby’s chosen name or give them a million names to keep your step kids happy.

They've just said they don't really like the name DH told them we'd picked. I don't even think they were upset, just a passing comment when he put them to bed. It's DH who thinks we should maybe ask them for other suggestions then.

Then it sounds as if you have a DH problem. He's pandering to kids over an issue they aren't even that bothered about and creating an issue where there doesn't need to be one

When my step mother is expecting my half sister one of the names on their list (I wasn't consulted - it was left lying about) was very similar to mine. It sound similar and I often get this name in Starbucks in error (like Emma/ Jemma)

I was appalled they'd even consider it but I said nothing. It wasn't my place.

Fortunately they went with something else !

My 7 year old DD wasn't a bit impressed with the name we chose for her baby sister. If I left it up to her it would be something inspired by YouTube. You should have heard some of her deadly serious suggestions

we told my DSC the other day and DH came to bed last night and said they'd told him they don't really like the name we chose and now he thinks we should look for something else that we all agree on and ask the kids for suggestions instead.

If your DSC ever become parents, they get to choose names. Children do not get to dictate siblings names. Your DH is being a loon.

There is absolutely no reason to feel guilty about this or to feel like you have to give them the consolation of choosing the middle name, thank god for the voices of reason on this thread. It is you and your husband's baby, they don't need to be involved in the name at all.

The absolute cheek of your husband wanting his kids to pick the baby's first name and him to use one of his family names as the middle name. Don't allow yourself to be erased in this way OP. This is not all about him and his kids.

Call your baby what you want.
Your dh is being ridiculous!

Nice of you to consider an unofficial name DSCs can use but that means they are naming your baby as they are likely to use their name and not the baby’s real name. So stick to your guns.

Names are really important to the person who has them so you and DH should make the right choice for your child and no one else.

PS if I’d asked my DC to name the next one, we’d now have a child called CatBoy Barnacles Garmadon Batman. 😁

Your challenge is (as often) hoe to support your DH to be himself, and support your own relationship of you and him, and support and involve his kids, and be yourself with freedom and without inhibition.

Basically how to love everyone. And allow everyone their rights.

But in this situation: it really is not up to the DSC to veto your and DH's name choice. They will have to learn to like it.

Where did this idea come from of there only bring one 'official' middle name? My most recent has two middle names, and if I had another they'd probably have more. Middle names are excellent, add weight and character to a person (☺️) and well just really are more special choices. Even if you only use them on official documents.

So. Say you're going to choose a middle name as well as the family name, and would they like to suggest some ideas? Or have a brainstorming session with them for names. And do pont out they'll get to name their own kids.

With DSC it's always a tricky line to tread. You mustn't lose yourself for them. But equally you are a whole family now and must treat them with the love and inclusion they deserve. Don't let them walk all over you, though. Don't over compensate for being with their dad instead of their mum.

@MeridianB

Nice of you to consider an unofficial name DSCs can use but that means they are naming your baby as they are likely to use their name and not the baby’s real name. So stick to your guns.

Names are really important to the person who has them so you and DH should make the right choice for your child and no one else.

PS if I’d asked my DC to name the next one, we’d now have a child called CatBoy Barnacles Garmadon Batman. 😁

This.

Good for you for standing your ground.
It wouldn’t be a particularly healthy precedent to set for the new blended family IMO - for dad to attempt to overide his baby’s mother in favour of the opinions of his older children. Don’t entertain it for a second. Yes, it’s lovely for your baby’s siblings to be involved and excited about the new arrival etc. but they are still children and, step or not, it’s not for them to be making big parental decisions.

Our DD1 is going to be involved in DD2’s arrival. She’s already told us about how she’ll watch over her whilst I have a shower and how she’ll help with nappy changes. She talks about the books she’ll read to her and the games they’ll play. She’s very excited. She won’t have a say in her name. When asked what she would call a baby, she suggests names like Chocolate and Rainbow. Either that or DD2 would be named after her best friend.

@ApplePieOhApplePie

Just to confirm I won't be allowing this by the way, I was just asking if I was being unreasonable saying no. I have no intention of allowing my DSC to choose my babies name or giving in. Just wondered if I was a wicked witch for saying so 😂

You are completely and utterly entirely reasonable to say "No".

As for the name unless you are over 35 weeks pregnant just say to them you are and your DH are trying out names. Then only confirm the name to everyone in all families once the baby is born.

You're not a wicked witch. But having been in precisely the same position as you, my DH was very conscious of the impact of bringing another baby into a blended family.
Fwiw my SC's and DD have always got on really well. I've always referred to them as brothers and sisters too, not 'half' ones. We are all part of the same family, albeit it's a different shape to some others.

DH has a family name that he wants to use as an official middle name, I can suggest he gives that up but I don't think he'll want to.

So presuming the child has your DH’s surname, it will also have a family name of his choice as a middle name and then a first name chosen by him, you and the SDcs (the phrase too many cooks springs to mind here!) which will undoubtedly be a compromise for everyone, as it’s unlikely that you’ll all suddenly find a name you love. Where do you get any input in this?

I’d say that’s fine, the SDCs can choose a first name, he can have the family name in the middle and you’ll give the baby your maiden name as a surname. Cheeky bastard.