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Original poster

AIBU to not want to change baby's name because DSC don't like it?

101 replies

ApplePieOhApplePie · 27/08/2020 08:18

So me and DH are expecting and recently found out what we were having. My SC are really excited and have been involved in talking about baby and asking loads of questions and stuff, it's been really nice.

We both recently chose a name we like (it is not some wild out there thing, it's a fairly standard normal name but we both really like it).

Anyway, we told my DSC the other day and DH came to bed last night and said they'd told him they don't really like the name we chose and now he thinks we should look for something else that we all agree on and ask the kids for suggestions instead.

AIBU to say no, I don't want to do that? I have a good relationship with my SC but I don't want to allow children to choose the name of our baby. I know what DH is like, he's a pleaser when it comes to the kids and he'll try to guilt me into accepting what the children like rather than what I like. I love what me and DH chose together and that's what my baby is to me now in my head. We looked for ages, me and DH, and we couldn't find another name we liked as much so I already know anything else we choose all together will not be what me and DH actually want. This was the only name we both went 'yes I really like that'. DH has said he still loves the name we chose, just thinks we should include the DSC in the process of choosing and look for something else if they don't like it.

I just think they will get used to it. It is a normal name, nothing whacky or weird, so they'll get used to it when the baby is here and in the scheme of things does it really matter if they aren't that fond of the name right now?

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JadesRollerDisco · 27/08/2020 08:57

I don't think it's ever a good idea to tell anybody the name until the baby is actually born and named. Everybody has an opinion when it's a theoretical, nobody has an opinion when it's a fact. You could offer the siblings to chose a middle name, or you could just do it yourselves. I don't know anyone whose kids had a say in the name

DocOfTheBay · 27/08/2020 08:57

Good lord!
Will the baby have his surname?
So first name chosen by his kids, family name if his, his surname?

Sounds like a pedigree Hmm

Just tell him ‘oh, they will get used to it’.

If you involve the kids, they won’t agree amongst themselves and you will end up with a name chosen by committee, that everyone finds acceptable but no one loves.

It sounds as if this is your first baby: tell your DH with smiley excited confidence that you get the pleasure of choosing your baby’s name, with him. And change the subject.

Californiastreaming · 27/08/2020 08:58

Well Katy Perry's daughter is called Daisy Dove Bloom and I doubt she asked Orlando's kids what to call her!

NameChange84 · 27/08/2020 09:00

It’s your child, not your step children’s!

If they get arsed about it remind them that one day they might have children themselves and can name those children whatever they like but for now, as this child’s parent, you will be naming them.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 27/08/2020 09:00

If it's important to your DH that the SC contribute then he can sacrifice his family name in the middle. If he doesn't want to do that then it's clear he wants you to make a sacrifice for his children that he's not willing to. Fuck that.

100% this!!

Original poster
ApplePieOhApplePie · 27/08/2020 09:00

Thanks all. It wasn't actually me that told them. DH blurted it out when we told them the sex 🙄 I would have waited but tbf we hadn't discussed previously whether we'd tell them or wait so.

OP posts:
DocOfTheBay · 27/08/2020 09:00

I don't think it's ever a good idea to tell anybody the name until the baby is actually born and named. Everybody has an opinion when it's a theoretical, nobody has an opinion when it's a fact

THIS. It should be part of the MN induction info. So many threads about family members not liking names, and how it takes the shine off.

We didn’t tell anyone at all.

MsWonderful · 27/08/2020 09:01

My parents let me choose between 2 middle names for my brother. I don’t think he particularly likes the one I chose though, he would have preferred the other one. I did have a good reason for choosing that one, it was the name of someone I admired immensely.

ShirleyPhallus · 27/08/2020 09:01

I don’t think it’s a good idea to tell anyone a baby name before it’s born, otherwise it invites a lot of comment in a way that people can’t once it’s here!

Original poster
ApplePieOhApplePie · 27/08/2020 09:02

And I'm not planning on telling anyone else what the name will be.

OP posts:
Love51 · 27/08/2020 09:02

Did DH ask for their opinion? If he did I'd be taking the piss out of him for being so daft. Naming a new person is one of those decisions that you make as a couple then tell people once it is set. If he didn't ask their opinion, he should be explaining to them how manners work.
Disclaimer: loads of people will have involved their child or children in the naming process. But it is ill advised to do that without consulting the child's mother.

OP I wouldn't get angry with him, but I would make it clear that he needs to involve you in any big decisions about your baby that he wishes to make democratic.

rc22 · 27/08/2020 09:04

My aunt chose my mum's name. My mum's always been somewhat hurt and angry about this especially as she prefers the choice her mum had originally made before changing to her sister's preference.

Original poster
ApplePieOhApplePie · 27/08/2020 09:05

They weren't involved in the sense that we sat down and said 'right DSC, you can help us choose a name'.

When we first found out, we all had a discussion at the dinner table that turned into throwing names around we liked, a lot of them were jokey ones and we didn't know the sex at that point either. We've not spoken about it since and DH hasn't with them either as far as I'm aware.

OP posts:
TJ17 · 27/08/2020 09:06

Omg please don't listen to anyone saying you should let them choose a middle name or any name 🤦🏼‍♀️ next they will have a say in your mortgage agreement 🙄

The name of your child that you will use FOREVER should not be chosen on a whim by a bunch of children who will probably change their mind with what they "like" by next week anyway! 🤦🏼‍♀️

I'd just not mention it to them again. There are plenty of other ways to make them feel involved with the baby without letting them have a say on the name that will be on legal documentation forever!

Dear god...

daisypond · 27/08/2020 09:07

Do not involve the DC in the naming. That’s insane. It’s not fair on the baby - that their name was chosen by their toddler or six-year-old (whatever it is) sibling and the name their actual parents wanted wasn’t used.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 27/08/2020 09:07

@ApplePieOhApplePie

And I'm not planning on telling anyone else what the name will be.
Depending on the age of DSC, the whole world may know.

Also, considering your DH blurted if out, you may want to tell him not to mention.

CiderWithRosy · 27/08/2020 09:07

Of course you're not unreasonable. Call your child what you like. It's your child not there's! FFS the world is going mad. Please don't feel guilty about this at all! Congratulations on your pregnancy.

Original poster
ApplePieOhApplePie · 27/08/2020 09:08

And I've no idea if he asked their opinion when he told them the name or whether they just said they didn't like that one. I'll ask him. Although it doesn't really matter to me either way. I feel mean saying it doesn't matter to me if they dislike it or not but it doesn't. Me and DH like it so...

And to the PP who asked, no I doubt I'd be any different with my own kids. I wouldn't tell them for starters but no I wouldn't care if they said once that they didn't really like the name we'd chosen. I'd say that's a shame, you'll get used to it though when they are here.

OP posts:
NeverTwerkNaked · 27/08/2020 09:10

The baby is the one who has to live with the name for their whole life. You are right not DH. Let the children choose some gifts for the baby but not the name.

MostIneptThatEverStepped · 27/08/2020 09:10

A compromise might be that they could help choose the middle name from a shortlist chosen by you and DP.
But quite honestly they don't need to have any say in it at all.

FelicityPike · 27/08/2020 09:15

From what I’m reading here I would definitely be considering giving baby my surname.
It sounds like dad is very much of the ilk that his children make the decisions and he follows along side.
Basically his children want to name the new baby....he is having a family name as the middle name....and probably his surname too?
So what do you get?
NO! Baby’s name is what YOU want it to be.

Original poster
ApplePieOhApplePie · 27/08/2020 09:17

@FelicityPike

From what I’m reading here I would definitely be considering giving baby my surname. It sounds like dad is very much of the ilk that his children make the decisions and he follows along side. Basically his children want to name the new baby....he is having a family name as the middle name....and probably his surname too? So what do you get? NO! Baby’s name is what YOU want it to be.
From what I can gather the children haven't said they want to name the baby. They've just said they don't really like the name DH told them we'd picked. I don't even think they were upset, just a passing comment when he put them to bed. It's DH who thinks we should maybe ask them for other suggestions then.

And we all have the same surname so the baby will have the same surname as me.

I'm not really bothered about the middle name, the family name DH wants is nice and due to the sex of the baby, there wasn't really anything else I would have chosen. If it had been the opposite sex there was a family name I would have liked to use.

OP posts:
FelicityPike · 27/08/2020 09:21

Sorry I didn’t see that you were married. My apologies for that oversight.
Just tell him no.

frustrationcentral · 27/08/2020 09:25

DS chose his younger brothers middle name

MJMG2015 · 27/08/2020 09:26

@ApplePieOhApplePie

Thanks all. It wasn't actually me that told them. DH blurted it out when we told them the sex 🙄 I would have waited but tbf we hadn't discussed previously whether we'd tell them or wait so.
He needs reminding he's having this baby with YOU, not for them!

As he's already cocked it up, all you can do is say to them that it's the name you two have chosen, it's not up for debate & that when they have their children they'll get to chose & you won't have a say. End of.

They'll soon forget they didn't like it when the baby is here!