AIBU to not want to change baby's name because DSC don't like it?

[ApplePieOhApplePie]

So me and DH are expecting and recently found out what we were having. My SC are really excited and have been involved in talking about baby and asking loads of questions and stuff, it's been really nice.

We both recently chose a name we like (it is not some wild out there thing, it's a fairly standard normal name but we both really like it).

Anyway, we told my DSC the other day and DH came to bed last night and said they'd told him they don't really like the name we chose and now he thinks we should look for something else that we all agree on and ask the kids for suggestions instead.

AIBU to say no, I don't want to do that? I have a good relationship with my SC but I don't want to allow children to choose the name of our baby. I know what DH is like, he's a pleaser when it comes to the kids and he'll try to guilt me into accepting what the children like rather than what I like. I love what me and DH chose together and that's what my baby is to me now in my head. We looked for ages, me and DH, and we couldn't find another name we liked as much so I already know anything else we choose all together will not be what me and DH actually want. This was the only name we both went 'yes I really like that'. DH has said he still loves the name we chose, just thinks we should include the DSC in the process of choosing and look for something else if they don't like it.

I just think they will get used to it. It is a normal name, nothing whacky or weird, so they'll get used to it when the baby is here and in the scheme of things does it really matter if they aren't that fond of the name right now?

@Giespeace

Good for you for standing your ground. It wouldn’t be a particularly healthy precedent to set for the new blended family IMO - for dad to attempt to overide his baby’s mother in favour of the opinions of his older children. Don’t entertain it for a second. Yes, it’s lovely for your baby’s siblings to be involved and excited about the new arrival etc. but they are still children and, step or not, it’s not for them to be making big parental decisions.

Absolutely spot on.

If I had been allowed to decide on my sister's names she'd have been called Snotty BumBum

There would be a lot more poohead and bumbums running around if people let siblings pick baby names. If dh feels his children having a say is important enough to sacrifice the middle name I’d consider letting them choose the middle name. Absolutely not the first name I liked!!

The only time my DC have been involved in choosing names is when it comes to naming a pet.

Cats, dogs, guinea pigs and rabbits - yes.
Babies - no.

My oldest dd didnt like the name we chose for dc3 (her half sibling)
We said dont worry you have time to get used to it. And she has. And none of us could imagine dc3 being anything other than what she is called.

You are not being an evil stepmum your are being the parent.
Children wont always like your decisions but thats okay.

The only time my DC have been involved in choosing names is when it comes to naming a pet.

My DCs are teenagers and they’re still not allowed to pick pets names, otherwise we’d have two cats called Dog and Fish. Or potentially Mr Poopyhead. They don’t grow out of it!

If we'd let DC1 choose the name for DC2, poor DC2 would have been called Baby Jesus ( due around Christmas)🙄

except the DH will most likely be registering the birth so it's ultimately up to him

Say what?

They get to pick baby names when they have babies.

I would say let them pick the middle name

Then your DH has two choices

Pick a middle name he wants

Or please his kids and let them choose

I'd not be allowing them to choose a middle name or a nickname.
Suggest DH buys them a teddy and let them name that.

For gods sake, children don’t get a say.

What next? They decide where you live? What you are and are not allowed to do?

It’s your baby, it’s your choice.

As for ‘compromising’ letting them choose a middle name, how ridiculous. No wonder there’s a generation of entitled children.

All this DSC pleasing is ridiculous and not doing these kids any favours for when they have to function in the real world.

I had this with my step daughter nearly 9 years ago when i was pregnant with my daughter,. When we told her the name she said "er no, we'll pick something nice!" 🤣 and she was 21 at the time so not a kid without a filter. We did not change our mind, we love our daughters name. Had it off the grandad as well saying "so thats what you're thinking of calling her" this was after she was born and registered.
Keep the name you like, you're the one who has to shout it up the stairs when tea is ready. Seriously, keep the name you chose. Don't let other people dictate to you.

@ApplePieOhApplePie

Just to confirm I won't be allowing this by the way, I was just asking if I was being unreasonable saying no. I have no intention of allowing my DSC to choose my babies name or giving in. Just wondered if I was a wicked witch for saying so 😂

Absolutely not BU at all

Kids are far too flaky to have any say in something so important 😅 they change their minds by the minute!

Honestly the more I read about dsc & their people pleasing parents the more I think the blended family (in general) is doomed to be run by a shower of mini dictators (created by their parents) who feel they should have equal power in all decision making.

Absolutely!! Speaking as someone whose DSS nearly got to veto my choice of new bathroom fittings …

A flat NO to this.

Time to draw a boundary. This is YOUR BABY.

The putting the DSC wishes first stuff does not apply here and that needs to be said VERY firmly.

Now you're going to be a mother within this family and you will have every bit as much consideration in that role as your DSC'S mum has.

Your DH - he wants a lot, doesn't he? First it's HIS family middle name. Let me guess, this baby is going to have HIS surname? And now he wants you to go with second choices for first name because of HIS childrens' preferences?!

You need to make a very big point here.

The 'rules' now change.

You're not in the 'secondary adult' position here.

Tell him no.

Tell him on second thoughts, (if the baby is having his surname) you'd like one of YOUR family names as the middle.

And the first name is already decided, thanks.

Sounds like he needs to be reminded that where this one is concerned, you're not the stepmum.

You are THE mum.

I struggled to let mine choose the dog’s name, let alone a baby! I wouldn’t worry about it, they’ll get used to it and you’ll never please everyone

Yanbu
He was an arse sharing the name, so he'd prefer to please the sc rather than the mother of his unborn children.
Tell them this is yours and his baby and you've decided his name. If he's desperate for the ch to be involved they can pick the middle name instead of his family name, but no stupid names allowed.

I'd stick with the name. My oldest didn't like my youngest name initially but now loves it.
Picking a name is for the parents to decide.

No way.

Get them involved with the baby’s upcoming arrival in other ways. Get them to pick a nice outfit or something. They don’t get to have a say in the name.

I know what DH is like, he's a pleaser when it comes to the kids and he'll try to guilt me into accepting what the children like rather than what I like.

He sounds like Disney Dad who's happy to treat you like a walking uterus. This doesn't bode well for the future for you or your DC if you don't nip this in the bud.

Unless they have a strong reason then I'd just go with your name. Let them pick a middle name, two middle names isn't a big issue and it'll be nice for your DC to have a name chosen by their siblings.

We let DS1 (technically my step-son) veto a name for DD3 becaue it turned out to be the name of a girl who'd bullied him horribly at a camp. He visibly hated the name so it really wouldn't have been fair. That's the kind of thing I mean by strong reason.

So presuming the child has your DH’s surname, it will also have a family name of his choice as a middle name and then a first name chosen by him, you and the SDcs (the phrase too many cooks springs to mind here!) which will undoubtedly be a compromise for everyone, as it’s unlikely that you’ll all suddenly find a name you love. Where do you get any input in this?

Exactly. He gets the last name, he gets the middle name, the SCs get the first name. You get bugger all except piles and stretch marks. Bugger that.

Lawd no. They don't get a say. My exDSD was a teenager and wanted us to call our baby Lemmy. My Dad wanted Peter (surname Parker) First boy born in a while so everyone was angling to get "their" name chosen. My DC came up with some ridiculous names, mostly cartoon characters.

But there was never any so and so gets to choose because XYZ, we chose the name.

Is this a joke?!? Your a complete doormat if you give this any thought