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Original poster

Financial Split

104 replies

TaserLight · 25/07/2020 12:44

I've been with my partner for 18 months. He has a 9 year old daughter from a previous relationship who doesn't live with him. I don't have any children.

Last year, we went on 2 holidays. One was DP and I (we split the cost 50/50) and then he took his DD away (he paid) and I went on a holiday with a friend (I paid).

This year, DP and I were supposed to be going away in May but it was cancelled. We also have a week booked in Wales at the end of August, self catering and we are taking his DD. Should I be paying 50/50 for this holiday too? I've already paid 50/50 for the accommodation but last night he said should we split the petrol and food 50/50 too? (Added complication is that I am veggie and they are meat eaters, so my food is cheaper).

Also now thinking about what we do on days out and at meals out - do I pay 50/50 for those too?

Just wondering what people's thoughts are?

OP posts:
MeridianB · 25/07/2020 19:20

Totally agree about treating SCs, as you would with any child.

Your plan to talk this through is a good way to avoid future confusion about holidays though.

forrestgreen · 25/07/2020 19:55

Yes a sit down discussion, with outings costs, food planning. Then talk about how things will be split.

Iwonder08 · 25/07/2020 23:56

OP, you have paid 50/50fl for accommodation. I assume he knows it is extra £100. He reminded you to pay 50%of petrol.. Any decent person would insist on paying more than a half of food given he is bringing his child. If he does suggest you pay 50% for food as well then he is not a decent person. You really shouldn't have to go through the meal plan details to come to this conclusion

SandyY2K · 26/07/2020 01:21

My view is that his daughter coming, should not increase your expenses OP...otherwise you're subsidising his expenses.

In your position, I would pay my way...but if his DD coming adds to the cost of entry tickets for example...then he should pay for her.

These roast dinners...who'll be cooking? I hope it's not all on you.

Original poster
TaserLight · 26/07/2020 05:59

These roast dinners...who'll be cooking? I hope it's not all on you.

No, I’ve been veggie for so long, I don’t know how to cook meat Smile. I’ll help out with the veg and trimmings though.

OP posts:
uniglowooljumper · 26/07/2020 06:13

@TaserLight

Thank you. I wasn't sure if I was in the wrong for assuming he would pay for his daughter's food and activities. DP and I don't live together, so don't share finances.
YOU are the one questioning whether or not you are wrong and he was the one who expects a 50/50 split when it's just the 2 of you, but also when there are 3 of you? When people show you who they are, listen to them. I wouldn't live with this person or share finances with him ever. Why? Because he's just shown you he's a CF.
HogDogKetchup · 26/07/2020 07:05

My DH was six figure salary earner and I was on 25k as a then trainee in my field. It cost about £4K to go away with DSS for a week abroad, whereas I could go by myself for £500 in term time. I couldn’t afford to go halves. I didn’t have £2k to spend on a holiday. So I said I can come, but on the basis that I have approx £500 to contribute and that’s what we did. I’d take some spending money for us all too.

Welcoming a child into your heart and home is one thing, being expected to pay for them is quite another.

BluebellForest836 · 26/07/2020 10:58

I think this really depends if you plan on in the future staying together, moving in and being a family or not..

The shopping I couldn’t get worked up about.. id split that.

Days out I would actually suggest he paid for as I’m guessing some are going to be to entertain the child rather then because you wanted to go to a chosen place ? While on a day out you could pay for ice creams/snacks/drinks etc to ‘make up’ the fact he paid for you to get in.

aSofaNearYou · 26/07/2020 13:34

Given you don't live together or share finances, he should definitely be automatically paying for him and his DD. So not necessarily 3 way as she may be cheaper for various things, but he should be paying for his and her meals and tickets, and however much 1 adult plus one child is on the accommodation. I would actually be a bit concerned that he's asked you to pay for petrol - if he just hadn't thought it through that would be one thing but he's being a CF if he expects you to pay your own way with petrol, but him to not pay his daughter's way when it comes to everything else.

Original poster
TaserLight · 26/07/2020 17:00

So, we did a list this morning - meal plan and shopping list, plus petrol costs and a list of things we’d like to do while we are there and how much they cost.

We’ve decided that DP will pay entrance fees for himself and his DD and I will pay for myself.

I won’t pay anything towards petrol, as I’ve paid an extra £100 towards the accommodation, so that his DD can have her own room.

We will split food 50/50 but his DD won’t be having meat every night (as when he listed it all he realised that amount of meat is unhealthy, so she’ll be having baked potatoes and soup some nights).

We will buy our own alcohol (we do this anyway as he drinks beer and I drink wine, plus he drinks more than me).

I think sitting down, listing everything and working out the cost helped. It’s easier to see it when it’s in black and white.

OP posts:
BurtsBeesKnees · 26/07/2020 17:03

That sounds like a fair split to me op. Well done for sorting it out before you go

rookiemere · 26/07/2020 17:09

That's really good news OP. Firstly that you're able to have such a sensible discussion and secondly that you're able to get such a sensible result.

RandomMess · 26/07/2020 17:22

The fact that you could have a sensible discussion about it all is as important as the fact it's now fairly shared. Success!

RachelLyg · 26/07/2020 17:44

Agreed. Sounds fair to me.

Just be careful on the step parenting threads OP. There are some great posters on here with years of experience of step parenting who will give you sound advice.

However, there are also some bitter ex wives who post and in their opinion, if you are to be a part of their child’s life, then you should bend over backwards to be allowed that privilege. This includes paying for everything, not having a say in how your own household is run and bowing down to them in their position of first wife 😂.

ukgift2016 · 26/07/2020 17:48

Sounds fair to me! Enjoy your holiday.

JessStu · 26/07/2020 17:58

I feel that if you have been together long enough to go on holiday together as a family then you should be splitting costs evenly between the adults. Don't forget, your DSD is only a child, she can't contribute herself! If you want to become a family, you will have to get used to paying your share.

ZigZagPlant · 26/07/2020 18:51

Please don’t listen to people who tell you you need to financially contribute to a step child’s life. They have two parents already. What crap.

chocolatesaltyballs22 · 26/07/2020 19:39

Agree 100% @ZigZagPlant. Utter bollocks. I am in a blended family and there is absolutely no expectation on me to contribute financially for his kids, nor he for mine.

wishywashywoowoo70 · 26/07/2020 19:40

@RachelLyg

Agreed. Sounds fair to me.

Just be careful on the step parenting threads OP. There are some great posters on here with years of experience of step parenting who will give you sound advice.

However, there are also some bitter ex wives who post and in their opinion, if you are to be a part of their child’s life, then you should bend over backwards to be allowed that privilege. This includes paying for everything, not having a say in how your own household is run and bowing down to them in their position of first wife 😂.

I second this. You'll get savaged if you dare put a foot wrong Confused
Gorygloria · 27/07/2020 14:00

When my partner and I (we don't live together, no shared finances) have taken my son away I've never questioned that I would pay two thirds and he a third but he's always insisted 50/50 for both flights/accommodation and expenses whilst there, which is very kind of him but I would be happy paying two thirds. My son is 16 it's the cost of another adult

aSofaNearYou · 27/07/2020 16:16

If you want to become a family, you will have to get used to paying her share

She is paying her share - her own. What crap.

JessStu · 27/07/2020 21:51

*She is paying her share - her own. What crap.

Not if she wants to become part of her boyfriends family.

aSofaNearYou · 27/07/2020 22:01

Not if she wants to become part of her boyfriends family

She should pay for his parents and siblings as well then 🙄 The only people responsible for paying for children are their parents, family or not.

JessStu · 27/07/2020 22:18

If you date a partner who already has a child then that child is part of the package. If you don't want to accept that then you shouldn't date men with children.

jimmyjammy001 · 28/07/2020 01:53

You may as well get used to paying for his daughter now as going forward you are going to have to pay for birthdays and Xmas for her and other holidays as well as time goes on, you will soon be assuming step parent responsibilitys when he cannot, like picking her up/dropping her off from activitys, spectating at activities she does, cooking for her when she comes around when you both eventually move in together, it's part of being a step parent which one day you will be if you wish for this to go long term, things will get more complicated from my experience when you have children together and your step daughter does/does not get invited to things

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