Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Ex Wife is a Nightmare!!!

78 replies

Amanda87 · 18/06/2020 18:47

How do you deal with your husband's crazy ex wife?
They have 2 daughters together, I love them very much. She is always finding ways to text him pretending is about the kids but ALWAYS making drama over something.
She uses horrible words, call him names, very very low level. I feel like she just wants to make his life hell. She was the one that left, has another partner but doesn't fully seem to have moved on.
She keeps him from seeing his children whenever something doesn't happen as she wishes. She refers to me as "the other" or "supposedly wife". The other day she involved me in the drama, saying I should be available to pick their kids up when the father can't (Now am I a cab driver or what????). And when I asked to stop harassing my husband she said she'll always text him cause of the kids (As if!!!!) and if I don't like that I should get a divorce... Ahahahah
Now, seriously, how do you wives deal with the exes???

OP posts:

justjessie · 18/06/2020 18:49

I don't get involved.
It's that simple. I see no reason to have her number, she doesn't have mine. But when the DSC are here my DH is full on fathermode and I just fade into the background and enjoy the view so I don't need to communicate with her. Certainly wouldn't dream of texting her telling her to stop messaging my husband (and yes, I do think she does so unnecessarily sometimes but so what?)

Destroyedpeople · 18/06/2020 18:50

'Crazy ex wife '
'Drama'.....

You are not going to get any sympathy or whatever you are looking for if you start off like this...

Original poster

Amanda87 · 18/06/2020 18:53

@Destroyedpeople I have done everything i possible could to help her and the kids in the past and she turned on me. If this isn't bring crazy, I don't know what is.

OP posts:

Maltay · 18/06/2020 18:53

My philosophy is if we're not friends then we can't fall out. No SM, I don't even have her phone number. But that means we can chat amicably when I pick the kids the up. Just distance yourself as much as possible because she may be in your life forever, not just til the kids turn 18. I just keep thinking that when they get married or graduate I don't want them feeling awkward about inviting me as well as their mum. It's a lot of tongue biting but knowing that on the long term YOU have the kid's best interests at heart

Smallsteps88 · 18/06/2020 18:55

Delete her number from your phone and block her. Let your DH deal with her entirely. Don’t be drawn into any of their arguments. If she calls him names, he doesn’t need to tell you. He’s a big boy- he can handle that himself however he sees fit. You don’t need to be involved at all.

funinthesun19 · 18/06/2020 18:57

Destroyedpeople Sorry are we not allowed to state facts about someone if it’s an ex wife?

Original poster

Amanda87 · 18/06/2020 18:59

@Smallsteps88 sometimes we are peacefully at home, doing our stuff or watching TV and his phone vibrates and I see his face reading the absurds she writes and that sometimes kills our mood. Maybe I care too much, I definitely see this as a problem, but it's kinda unavoidable to know what's going on because it stresses him out.
I have blocked her in every possible social media, I want nothing to do with her, I don't text, don't call and I do not get involved in the pick up/ drop off process. I tried to stay as neutral as I possibly can. But there's only so much someone can put up with, specially when I see my husband stressed out and upset.

OP posts:

Destroyedpeople · 18/06/2020 18:59

@funinthesun....'facts' is it now?

So this woman has had a diagnosis of a mental health problem has she?

AnneLovesGilbert · 18/06/2020 18:59

You don’t have to speak to her so don’t.

If he’s unhappy with her level of contact I’m sure he’ll tell her and handle it. If not your problem is with him not her.

By flying off the handle at her you risk looking jealous and possessive. It’s honestly nothing to do with you if they’re in touch, whether it’s about the kids or not. Leave it up to him.

Does he have an official agreement for contact with his kids? If not he should get one. But again that’ll be up to him.

Take a big step back. You’re way overly involved. If you don’t engage with drama you’ll find it bothers you less.

AnneLovesGilbert · 18/06/2020 19:01

But there's only so much someone can put up with, specially when I see my husband stressed out and upset.

He’s a big boy. He can defend himself. It’s not your job to fight his battles.

Namechange8123 · 18/06/2020 19:07

OP, I feel for you I really do. It's common knowledge that MN are mostly SM haters. You could post stating BM had set fire to your house, kicked your dog and smashed up your car and some of them would be telling you to give her a break

She'll refer to you in a way she'll know will upset or aggravate you to get a reaction. You're not a taxi, nor a nanny and therefore your DH needs to be telling her you're not just at her beck and call. Sounds to me that DH does need to step up and tell her to back off a bit.

Sorry I haven't really answered your question of how to deal with her, just know you have my sympathy

itbemay1 · 18/06/2020 19:08

It's really difficult but speaking from experience, just keep out of it.

Let your DH deal with her, love the kids & be there for them but don't get involved in the logistics etc.

I now have a 29 year old step son who I adore and I know he loves me, known him since he was 4 and he recently asked me to speak at his wedding . I'm glad I didn't get involved with the early days madness and there was a lot!

Destroyedpeople · 18/06/2020 19:10

'SM haters' no only ones who describe the ex as 'crazy' in the first words of the first sentence and then revel in the drama of it all.

Howaboutanewname · 18/06/2020 19:49

Sorry are we not allowed to state facts about someone if it’s an ex wife?

Ex wife is factual. Crazy isn’t. Way more subjective.

You could post stating BM had set fire to your house, kicked your dog and smashed up your car and some of them would be telling you to give her a break

They really wouldn’t. Tell me, why did you think it appropriate to use the term ‘BM’, knowing it’s an objectionable term and would cause people to be defensive in their response?

Original poster

Amanda87 · 18/06/2020 19:57

Are you guys gonna fight over who's best: Step Mothers or Birth Mothers?
That's really not the point of this post.
For the step mothers (like me): Understand your husband has a past and bear with him. Do not however put up with crazy shit being thrown at you because someone who was married to him finds themselves entitled to butt into your lives and make drama over everything.

For the Birth Mothers and ex wives: Take care of your own business: You Children only!!!!!! If you're divorced there's no need to be in your ex's life except for the kids. No excuses.

OP posts:

Destroyedpeople · 18/06/2020 20:02

I think you should stop using the words 'crazy' and 'birth mothers' ....

...oh and you do like 'drama' as well don't you'?

amusedtodeath1 · 18/06/2020 20:04

Well, I was that crazy ex wife, while he was pretending to his new wife what a stand up guy he was he was trying everything he could to pay me as little as possible for our DD, and had confessed to me he slept with my sister causing all sorts of problems in my family, you bet I was calling him every name under the sun, and he wouldn't do anything about it in case the new wife found out.

Original poster

Amanda87 · 18/06/2020 20:04

Destroyedpeople are you her????
I knew it!
Ahahahahhahahhha

OP posts:

Original poster

Amanda87 · 18/06/2020 20:05

I'm a drama free person, and for you to be defending her so vividly even though I explained the situation, you must be one of them!

OP posts:

Destroyedpeople · 18/06/2020 20:08

I am not 'defending her' you numpty I am just pointing out your totally inappropriate use of language. You are obviously not 'drama free' or you wouldn't be responding like this '..... (I quote)'..Ahhahhaaaaaaaaa'.
'Drama free' my arse.

MayFayner · 18/06/2020 20:10

“Birth mother” refers to a mother whose child has been adopted so she is no longer the legal guardian.

The term you are looking for is “mother”.

Original poster

Amanda87 · 18/06/2020 20:12

Destroyedpeople You're the one attacking me since phrase number one.
If you have nothing good to say, just don't say anything. You don't know anything about me or my situation. I use the words I find appropriate for what I'm going through. If I had the time and energy to post everything I heard and went through with her, I strongly doubt you'd disagree with me. Just do me a favor and don't say anything anymore. This is a nice website and I didn't come here to pick a fight, but to look for advice and clearly you're not the one to give that to me.
You're probably a step mother hater! And I don't need this now. Peace out!

OP posts:

Smallsteps88 · 18/06/2020 20:12

@Amanda87

Destroyedpeople are you her???? I knew it! Ahahahahhahahhha

Op you are coming across as very immature here, not just the quoted post (Which is extremely childish) but in your reactions to your husbands ex wife. I think you need to grow up a bit and stop reacting to everything she does.

Also it’s not birth mother. It’s just mother.

Original poster

Amanda87 · 18/06/2020 20:13

Destroyedpeople watch your language when calling me numpty cause I didn't offend you at anytime!

OP posts:

Original poster

Amanda87 · 18/06/2020 20:14

Smallsteps88 You know nothing about me. Imature... ha!

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4