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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Ex Wife is a Nightmare!!!

78 replies

Amanda87 · 18/06/2020 18:47

How do you deal with your husband's crazy ex wife?
They have 2 daughters together, I love them very much. She is always finding ways to text him pretending is about the kids but ALWAYS making drama over something.
She uses horrible words, call him names, very very low level. I feel like she just wants to make his life hell. She was the one that left, has another partner but doesn't fully seem to have moved on.
She keeps him from seeing his children whenever something doesn't happen as she wishes. She refers to me as "the other" or "supposedly wife". The other day she involved me in the drama, saying I should be available to pick their kids up when the father can't (Now am I a cab driver or what????). And when I asked to stop harassing my husband she said she'll always text him cause of the kids (As if!!!!) and if I don't like that I should get a divorce... Ahahahah
Now, seriously, how do you wives deal with the exes???

OP posts:
Destroyedpeople · 18/06/2020 20:15

Amanda you sound more childish and more drama-seeking with everything that you post.

Original poster
Amanda87 · 18/06/2020 20:17

Destroyedpeople Not talking to you anymore. Talk to my hand now!... ;*

OP posts:
Destroyedpeople · 18/06/2020 20:19

Grow up love.

Smallsteps88 · 18/06/2020 20:20

@Amanda87

Smallsteps88 You know nothing about me. Imature... ha!
I’m just basing it on your behaviour on this thread. Read back over your posts.
Cloverforever · 18/06/2020 20:25

Your poor husband stuck in the middle of you two. You sound like the nightmare from your behaviour on here!

justjessie · 18/06/2020 20:31

She... she said "talk to my hand" having previously said she's not immature

OP. Just take a step back from it all. So what if she texts or calls your DH so much. If he didn't want to answer he wouldn't.

NookIsACrook · 18/06/2020 20:47

"Crazy ex" is often used to describe the resident parents perfectly reasonable requests from the father and often how abusive men describe the mother of his children. The first person said you might get a bad reaction for that terminology because a lot of women here have been labelled as the crazy ex when the truth is often very very different.

I don't hate stepmums. I am one. But I've seen my share of blokes who describe the mother his children as crazy when she expects him to do his share of parenting. That doesn't mean you can't post about behaviour but you can do that without using such language that indicates a mental health diagnosis.

My Mum used to have to phone my Dad every week for the pittance in child support he'd "forget" to pay. He had every wife thinking his previous exes are all crazy.

What kind of messages is she asking that stresses him out or makes him feel harassed? What names is she calling him?

You should not have any contact with her and if he won't call her out if she's sending him abusive messages then he should probably not respond to anything that isn't about his children such as contact, child support, appointments he needs to help with or the kids wanting to talk to him etc etc

Annaminna · 18/06/2020 20:50

My DP only reads BM's messages in the morning. Then he replied and next time will read next morning.
There is no need to react to stupid made up "problems". This attitude helped a lot. Less than a year and those taxts stoped.
First partners/BM's biggest fear is to be ignored. That makes them powerless. Angry - yes but powerless.

nicky7654 · 18/06/2020 20:53

It's a difficult one as she is always going to be in your life. She probably enjoys upsetting her ex and you. Maybe your Husband needs to be more assertive with her and say if she isn't respectful then he will put the phone down. And to ignore all the nasty texts or save them in case he needs a solicitor regarding the children. Good luck and I wish you well xx

Destroyedpeople · 18/06/2020 20:55

It's NOT 'BM'.
Honestly you women who aren't even stepmothers have got a real cheek describing your ' Partner's' children's mothers like this.

stophuggingme · 18/06/2020 21:02

If you weren’t such a drama queen you could rise above it all.
Try to do that Hmm

stophuggingme · 18/06/2020 21:03

Actually if you are married to their father and love them why can’t you collect them in the car form their mother’s house?

SionnachGlic · 18/06/2020 21:18

OP,

Stay out of it, let your husband deal with it. If you speak to him about it the way you do on this thread, then the poor man likely has two women that are stressing him out. It does sound like you engage in battle easily (you are on here) & come across as dramatic. And I agree with the 'crazy' ex wife as a stereotype...and no, I'm not an ex wife. Also @Destroyedpeople is correct about 'Birth Mothers'...they are the natural/biological mothers are children given to foster/adoptive parents. The word you are after is just Mother. Support your stepkids, support your husband, stay out if his relationship with his ex & show some grace, not drama, if things get rocky.

nancybotwinbloom · 18/06/2020 21:22

Stop arguing with each other over a fella. Feel ashamed for you both. He's probably loving it thinking he is Tom Hardy and He's probably more fucking laurel and hardy.

Smallsteps88 · 18/06/2020 21:31

First partners/BM's biggest fear is to be ignored. That makes them powerless. Angry - yes but powerless.

This statement says so much about your insecurities.

funinthesun19 · 18/06/2020 21:49

So this woman has had a diagnosis of a mental health problem has she?

Point taken. Crazy is common word to be fair. “Are you crazy?”- used to tell someone they’re being silly. “Crazy idea”- not a good idea.
I’ve been called a psycho for very minor things.

“Drama“. I don’t know why you’re offended by that. Some people thrive off falling out and being difficult.
She does sound very unpleasant op and you do have my sympathies. I couldn’t be doing with someone like that in the background all the time.

“First partners/BM's biggest fear is to be ignored. That makes them powerless. Angry - yes but powerless.”

This statement says so much about your insecurities

This I don’t get at all. How does it make her look insecure? Confused It’s very good advice!

Smallsteps88 · 18/06/2020 21:56

This I don’t get at all. How does it make her look insecure? confused It’s very good advice!

Anyone who actually believes that “first wives” or the mothers of their partner’s children biggest fear is to be ignored by their ex or his partner are massively deluded. If you believe this you have given yourself far more importance in the mind of the ex than actually exists. However I don’t think you believe this at all but it’s something you’ve decided to tell yourself to make you feel like you are successfully torturing her somehow. Which comes from an insecurity.

Songbird232018 · 18/06/2020 22:04

Unless directly about the girls your DP ignores every message.
Not saying it will stop but if she get no reaction it might slow down.
This happened to us until we realised we then spent our evening alone talking about her etc and it was shit.

SionnachGlic · 18/06/2020 22:09

There are alot of hackles up here... some ex-wives can be annoying...so can some stepmothers. Each has their idea of the other without really knowing the other & can lead to all sorts of misconceptions & misunderstandings. Best to just accept each other exists & leave it at that. Let the exes deal with each other...

Howaboutanewname · 18/06/2020 23:34

For the Birth Mothers and ex wives

First partners/BM's biggest fear is to be ignored. That makes them powerless. Angry - yes but powerless

See, I’d have given you the benefit of the doubt but those two statements there just about say it all. Even after being told BM might not be the best way to go, you’ve continued to use the term in what is quite clearly a deliberate attempt to shout down and belittle the people who don’t agree with you.

As for wanting my ex’s attention, nothing could be further from the truth. Any woman desperate enough to be with a man who’s prepared to cheat on his wife, leave her pregnant with their third child and 2 others under 5, clear out the bank accounts on his way out and take the roof from over their heads probably is gonna get what she deserves. Men who can%to draw boundaries and who revel in the drama between the ex and his new partner and/or who are seeking out drama where there is none are really not worth the stress. Moving on - really moving on - doesn’t include crazy ex/BM talk. Not by a long shot.

Good luck, OP. You’re really gonna need it.

indemMUND · 18/06/2020 23:57

She may well be absolutely batshit. But ultimately it's up to your DH what level of batshittery he's willing to deal with.

LonginesPrime · 19/06/2020 01:00

sometimes we are peacefully at home, doing our stuff or watching TV and his phone vibrates and I see his face reading the absurds she writes and that sometimes kills our mood

Well, that's between you and your DH, isn't it?

If your relationship is so fragile that a text coming through from a third party can ruin your evening, you probably need to agree a strategy to avoid those triggers, like not checking your phones when you're spending time together.

LonginesPrime · 19/06/2020 01:02

She may well be absolutely batshit. But ultimately it's up to your DH what level of batshittery he's willing to deal with.

Evidently, quite a lot...

Flittingabout · 19/06/2020 01:21

I'm a step mum and I wouldn't dream of referring to my step kids' mum as crazy etc or texting her to tell her not to upset my partner because ultimately she is doing her best for her kids and it is for them to navigate the challenges of communication.

Notcrackersyet · 19/06/2020 06:18

Step back and ignore all contact. Your partner does all comms. He only engages on relevant comms and steadfastly ignores all the superfluous noise. This takes the wind out of her sails.
In my experience she doesn’t suddenly (or ever!) become a reasonable communicator but she takes up less of you and your partner’s life and energy. And you have some moral higher ground ;-)
Tried and tested by us.