Redundancy and Child Maintenance

[TazSyd]

DP is currently furloughed and found out last week that he is at risk of redundancy. He has been expecting this and thinks that there is a high chance that he will be made redundant. He’s been there less than 2 years, so will only be paid 1 month notice and accrued holiday pay. As he lives with me he will only be entitled to £75 a week contributions based benefits.

We have a DD together and he also has another daughter who lives with her mum but stays with us 2 nights a week (in normal times). One weeknight and also on a Friday night and Saturday day - we pick her up from school on Friday and drop her back at her mum’s after dinner on a Saturday. As DP has been furloughed, we (well he, as I have been working from home so haven’t done much childcare during the day for either DD or DSD) have been having her more often - more like a 50/50 split. Despite his drop in income and the increase in childcare, he hasn’t reduced the maintenance he pays to his ex.

I’ve spoken to a couple of recruiter friends and they’ve said that the employment market has picked up a bit but realistically they aren’t expecting it to pick up properly until September. So DP could well be unemployed for a few months.

DP will pay £7 per week out of his JSA to his ex but this is a lot less than he currently pays (£300 per month). I know I have no legal responsibility for DSD but should I top up the maintenance to DPs ex?

Weekend work anything to tide them over.

But if both DSDs parents are at work on a Saturday, who will look after DSD? I don’t think leaving her on her own would be a good idea, would that be neglect?

@scotsllb

No! I mean her and her husband should combine incomes and pay for the 2 children from the whole pot, you know? If there are any savings just pay the maintenance from them until the job situation is back on

So you want the op to pay maintenance. Righty ho.

Why were you paying all that and not your DP?
Again it's your DP paying costs not you prior to this

As previously stated, DP and I split our household bills 60/40 because I earned more than him. We included the time DSD spends with us as household bills.

When he is redundant I will take on 100% of our household bills. Including the increased costs incurred due to DSD being with us more nights and days.

Are you really this hard of thinking?

So this man couldn't even support his own children pre-redundancy? Did he only put £300 towards his child with you as well? He sounds less worth keeping by the minute

Why are you just making shit up? Quite obviously she means their household pot which everything comes out of is 60% her wage and 40% her other halfs. Doesnt reflect on his character imo.

I pay less % of our household bills because I earn less. Would you like to have a go at me as well?

If there are any savings just pay the maintenance from them until the job situation is back on

So here we have another roundabout way of the OP paying maintenance to her DP's ex.

@TazSyd

Weekend work anything to tide them over.

But if both DSDs parents are at work on a Saturday, who will look after DSD? I don’t think leaving her on her own would be a good idea, would that be neglect?

It's your dps day. I'm sure he can sort something out for childcare. Has he thought about it yet?

It's your dps day. I'm sure he can sort something out for childcare. Has he thought about it yet?

The solution would be to not work on that day. But of course he's a man so that would be wrong. But being absent on "his day" would also be wrong, wouldn't it?

@TrustTheGeneGenie

So this man couldn't even support his own children pre-redundancy? Did he only put £300 towards his child with you as well? He sounds less worth keeping by the minute

Why are you just making shit up? Quite obviously she means their household pot which everything comes out of is 60% her wage and 40% her other halfs. Doesnt reflect on his character imo.

I pay less % of our household bills because I earn less. Would you like to have a go at me as well?

It's not joint savings when it comes to paying the maintenance going forward. They are her savings. He spent his on his tax bill and doesn't have any. Wtf he spends his money on really, god knows. Not his kids it seems, or his savings.

Well family is family no? Surely you take kids on as your own? So who cares which paying parent pays it? Why does is matter if they pay out the combined incomes?
This is how I think blended families should work.
You expect all kids to treated as well as each other so pay the maintenance together?
A single nrp pays it on his own yeah but if you are married and in a family then you take kids on as your own

It's not joint savings when it comes to paying the maintenance going forward. They are her savings. He spent his on his tax bill and doesn't have any. Wtf he spends his money on really, god knows. Not his kids it seems, or his savings

I never mentioned savings. Perhaps he has bills to pay like the rest of us?

@TrustTheGeneGenie

It's your dps day. I'm sure he can sort something out for childcare. Has he thought about it yet?

The solution would be to not work on that day. But of course he's a man so that would be wrong. But being absent on "his day" would also be wrong, wouldn't it?

I dunno. I mean, I always just worked on my days and paid for childcare. Apparently sitting at home on jsa and spending £7 on my kids is also an option I could have considered. Who knew?

@TrustTheGeneGenie

It's not joint savings when it comes to paying the maintenance going forward. They are her savings. He spent his on his tax bill and doesn't have any. Wtf he spends his money on really, god knows. Not his kids it seems, or his savings

I never mentioned savings. Perhaps he has bills to pay like the rest of us?

No, the op did. She has savings. He doesn't. So he can't fund his period on jsa from them, or support his two children in two different families. Apparently he spent all his savings paying off some tax bill he messed up. Shame.

@scotsllb

Well family is family no? Surely you take kids on as your own? So who cares which paying parent pays it? Why does is matter if they pay out the combined incomes? This is how I think blended families should work. You expect all kids to treated as well as each other so pay the maintenance together? A single nrp pays it on his own yeah but if you are married and in a family then you take kids on as your own

Nope. Nope. Absolutely nope.

DSS is my step son. I love him. But he isn't my own. He never will be my own because he has a mother. I am not allowed to treat him like my own when it comes to rules, or discipline or like actual life, only apparently financially is he "my own" and this is the same for many step mothers. So no. Unless you have a harmonious blended family where all adults are on the same page, this advice is terrible.

She has savings. He doesn't. So he can't fund his period on jsa from them, or support his two children in two different families. Apparently he spent all his savings paying off some tax bill he messed up. Shame

It is a shame but unfortunately you have to pay tax bills? He's supporting them both by providing childcare which you have completely ignored? Why is that?

I dunno. I mean, I always just worked on my days and paid for childcare. Apparently sitting at home on jsa and spending £7 on my kids is also an option I could have considered. Who knew?

Paid childcare on a weekend in a pandemic? Sure ya did hun, sure ya did.

You really think a reasonably well paid person with two kids has zero savings and expects his wife to support him on her savings?

That man is either a massive loser (quite possible) or they do full well have savings which are partly his and the op has no intention of spending on the other family when she can get away with saying £7 is the legal minimum required

What total loser has two kids, a reasonable job and doesn't even have savings - none?!? If that's true (and his past form with the ex suggests it might be) op may as well cut out the dead weight now. Bet it's not though. Unexpected tax bill indeed.

@NoHardSell

You really think a reasonably well paid person with two kids has zero savings and expects his wife to support him on her savings?

That man is either a massive loser (quite possible) or they do full well have savings which are partly his and the op has no intention of spending on the other family when she can get away with saying £7 is the legal minimum required

What total loser has two kids, a reasonable job and doesn't even have savings - none?!? If that's true (and his past form with the ex suggests it might be) op may as well cut out the dead weight now. Bet it's not though. Unexpected tax bill indeed.

Yes I believe it because that's what op has told us and I'm not a bitter ex wife with an axe to grind.

They've not suggested just paying the £7 which again you're completely ignoring. Again, why is that?

A lot of people don't have any savings at all. Stop being so judgemental.

Why are you being so horrible? What is your problem?

If the DP gives 100% of his JSA to the ex, then he is most definitely supporting the first family to the detriment of the second.

If they want to split it fairly they could divide the £75 per week JSA by two (as there are two children).

£37.5 divided by seven (nights per week) is £5.36. So as the OP is currently having her step daughter to stay three nights per week, the OP would receive £16.08 a week for her step daughter, in addition to £37.5 a week for her daughter. The stepdaughter's mother would receive £21.44 a week.

This would reflect that the man has two children to support. One of whom lives with him seven nights a week and the other lives with him three nights per week.

@TrustTheGeneGenie

I dunno. I mean, I always just worked on my days and paid for childcare. Apparently sitting at home on jsa and spending £7 on my kids is also an option I could have considered. Who knew?

Paid childcare on a weekend in a pandemic? Sure ya did hun, sure ya did.

Not right now, no, when my kids were younger. Isn't that what most people do if they want to work on the day they have responsibility for their child during the holidays? Or do they just throw it back on the other parent to sort out?

Now - just get a teenager in. Easy. Problem solved. Mine would do it like a shot, even have dbs. Loads of uni kids home for the summer and not much work going.

This is all for the imaginary Saturday job he isn't going to actually be doing of course.

Not right now, no, when my kids were younger. Isn't that what most people do if they want to work on the day they have responsibility for their child during the holidays? Or do they just throw it back on the other parent to sort out?

Well, no not really you try and get a job that fits in with your kids no? If not then you find childcare but obvs that's not possible right now.

Now - just get a teenager in. Easy. Problem solved. Mine would do it like a shot, even have dbs. Loads of uni kids home for the summer and not much work going

Yeah when you're not allowed anyone else in your home? Right then. Also you have to pay a nanny as an employee. Not simple.

This is all for the imaginary Saturday job he isn't going to actually be doing of course

Well yes because it would benefit literally noone.

Well family is family no? Surely you take kids on as your own? So who cares which paying parent pays it? Why does is matter if they pay out the combined incomes?
This is how I think blended families should work.
You expect all kids to treated as well as each other so pay the maintenance together?

So in addition to the OP shouldering the costs for her step daughter staying at her house 3 days and 3 nights per week, you think the OP should pay her DP's ex £300 maintenance out of her salary? For a child that isn't even her own. Why should the OP's stepdaughter's mother not have to shoulder some of the costs for her own child.

You do seem to change your tune. At first you said the OP should pay nothing, then you came up with a variety of roundabout ways for the OP to subsidise the maintenance and now you're saying she should pay it all.

I'm not changing my tune at all. I told her to stay out of it yes because it will only make her resentful etc and let her DP get on with it.

I also explained the reasons I personally wouldn't do it that way and see family as family and you take on the responsibility good days and bad days.
I still don't get why he can't get an evening job 5 nights a week to take the pressure off his wife and kids.

It's his problem to sort, not his ex's, if it's his day to look after his child. I'd just pay someone to babysit. Socially distanced blah blah blah. Nannies have always been allowed to work in employer's houses. Up to him if he gets a nanny or a cheaper babysitter. Both are legal. Obviously the job he would be doing is imaginary though.

it's his problem to sort, not his ex's, if it's his day to look after his child. I'd just pay someone to babysit. Socially distanced blah blah blah. Nannies have always been allowed to work in employer's houses. Up to him if he gets a nanny or a cheaper babysitter. Both are legal. Obviously the job he would be doing is imaginary though

Well yes, because again, it wouldn't benefit anyone involved would it?

I think you'd struggle to get a babysitter, to babysit one child in a house where there was another child and an adult, though.

I have a good relationship with my DSS, but there’s no way on earth I would have contributed my salary or savings if DH hadn’t been able to meet his maintenance payments. DSS would have continued to be well looked after when at our house though.