Redundancy and Child Maintenance

[TazSyd]

DP is currently furloughed and found out last week that he is at risk of redundancy. He has been expecting this and thinks that there is a high chance that he will be made redundant. He’s been there less than 2 years, so will only be paid 1 month notice and accrued holiday pay. As he lives with me he will only be entitled to £75 a week contributions based benefits.

We have a DD together and he also has another daughter who lives with her mum but stays with us 2 nights a week (in normal times). One weeknight and also on a Friday night and Saturday day - we pick her up from school on Friday and drop her back at her mum’s after dinner on a Saturday. As DP has been furloughed, we (well he, as I have been working from home so haven’t done much childcare during the day for either DD or DSD) have been having her more often - more like a 50/50 split. Despite his drop in income and the increase in childcare, he hasn’t reduced the maintenance he pays to his ex.

I’ve spoken to a couple of recruiter friends and they’ve said that the employment market has picked up a bit but realistically they aren’t expecting it to pick up properly until September. So DP could well be unemployed for a few months.

DP will pay £7 per week out of his JSA to his ex but this is a lot less than he currently pays (£300 per month). I know I have no legal responsibility for DSD but should I top up the maintenance to DPs ex?

No. I don't know what point you are trying to make. The children are not in the same position. Their parents have different situations and one set of parents is at something of an advantage when it comes to managing the situation

Well I cant help you then. I couldnt be any clearer. Both kids have lost money. One more than the other.

again, as you seem to be hard of understanding. My point was to say the ex is expected to do what the OP and her partner want

I'm not hard of understanding. This just isn't true.
I evidenced this by saying that they have given her options and are expecting her to make a choice. This is expecting the ex to do what they consider appropriate

They also asked for her suggestions but you ignored that.

Whilst I accept wholeheartedly that they can't necessarily just do what the ex wants (whatever that maybe) there is more than one way this could have been tackled. They could have approached it from the perspective 'look, sorry this has happened, we have some ideas, shall we discuss them,' rather than presenting Option A or Option B as a fait accompli

As you say op has already said they've asked for her opinion so what is your point?

I meant instead of having her for the extra time.

If the ex has to continue to pay for childcare whilst the OP and her partner have the child half the time, then yeah, only cash is going to count really. That's particularly the case when the OP and her partner are not seeking to make a permanent move to 50/50. The ex will more than likely need to keep on paying childcare (although with then numbers predicted to be out of work soon, it may cease to be an issue) so she can keep the space open. Certainly where I am, spaces are few and far between and you don't give up a space if you know you're going to need it

Why would she keep paying for childcare she didn't need? She's not paying for childcare now is she? Why would she need childcare for 50/50?

@dontdisturbemenow there will be situations that certainly make it difficult, but it can't be denied that many single mums who opt to work PT because it's easier and on balance, with good maintenance and benefits can still offer a very good lifestyle to their kids

I don't think you can even begin to speak for 'many single mums'. You don't know anyone's situation. Good maintenance may make a difference to lifestyle, but benefits certainly don't. They really are subsistence level, even with added work on top. In my experience of single parenting (I have done it for a lllloooonnnnggg) time now, those who work part time do so because it is a way of making work/children work. Full time is very difficult for whole hosts of reasons when you are doing it alone and each situation is different. I struggled along in full time for too long then 3 years ago made a shift. It made a huge difference to my ability to just do what I needed to do. Of course it comes at a price - pension - but for now, it needs to do.

What really gets me is the smug 'women who struggle simply didn't have children before they were financially stable'. Pisses me right off. Empathy costs nothing.

Why would she keep paying for childcare she didn't need? She's not paying for childcare now is she? Why would she need childcare for 50/50?

You only read half a post? Because if I were to give up my childcare, I would never get it back! Huge waiting lists for my children's school wrap around care.

I must say that I'm appalled by some of the attitudes shown on this thread. The OP's DP has lost his job, due to a pandemic that is likely to cause a recession. There are likely to be many people in this situation.

Prior to the pandemic the OP's DP paid more than he was legally obliged to, for whatever reasons they were. The lockdown happened, we were all taken by surprise, many people had to move quickly and adjust to new conditions. The OP's DP lost part of his income, as he was furloughed due to the lockdown, but didn't reduce the maintenance he was paying. He did however increase contact days, so that the girl's mother could continue to work her usual hours. This ensured that his ex partner was not financially affected by the lockdown (unlike many other people). I am struggling to see a deadbeat, neglectful father here?

The OP's DP is now being made redundant. The OP's household is losing half of their income which means that OP will be paying all the household costs, including her step daughter's costs on the days and nights when the girl is with them. The maintenance will have to reduce as they just can't afford to pay to pay the amount they paid before they lost half their income any more. They have spoken to the girl's mother and suggested some alternatives, including having the girl to stay with them full time (costs of this shouldered by the OP) or the father getting a minimum wage job but not being able to care for the girl as much. They have asked for the OP's DP's ex's input on these alternatives. I'm still not seeing a deadbeat, neglectful father.

No one called him a deadbeat neglectful father. No one for the most part disagreed with their solutions.
People are pissed off at the OPs stinking attitude towards those she looks down on, who doesn't agree with her and rude nasty comments.

I'm sure the ops husband could pass his £75 a week JSA to his ex and live of the rest of the finances until he finds work in reality

So you expect the op to subsidise that do you? Just a different way of getting the op to provide for the ex’s household isn’t it? He should make a small contribution to both households.
You might as well say when he’s working he can hand all of his wages over to his ex and live off the rest off the finances. That would be nice wouldn’t it?

I had a supportive husband up until the day he wasn't supportive. We made choices that worked for us based on a thriving business that paid for detached houses in the South East out right and 2 big cars on the driveway. Getting work for me isn't an issue. Keeping it, with all the other logistics - childcare, hospital appointments, specialised childcare for disabled child....all that makes working difficult. I manage it becuase I am particularly tenacious and for some of the more difficult years, had family support (all passed away now). But fuck me, it was hard.

But your situation isn’t the same as DPs ex is it? She took risks that didn’t pay off for her.

Risk 1 - affair with a married man resulted in her first child. He wouldn’t leave his wife for her.

Risk 2 - she was in a settled relationship with my current DP, resulting in DSD. She cheated, so DP left her.

Run me through the similarities with your situation.

I'm sure the ops husband could pass his £75 a week JSA to his ex and live of the rest of the finances until he finds work in reality

I find it very strange how you state that you don't think OP should contribute financially to her DP's ex partner but then come up roundabout ways where she would be contributing.

I find it very strange how you state that you don't think OP should contribute financially to her DP's ex partner but then come up roundabout ways where she would be contributing.

Exactly!

No one called him a deadbeat neglectful father.

But they did say his behaviour is morally repugnant. I'm not seeing that either.

I'm sure the ops husband could pass his £75 a week JSA to his ex and live of the rest of the finances until he finds work in reality

So you don’t think that DP should contribute to the child he has with me? And you also think that I should continue paying for the costs DSD incurs when she’s with us?

In your situation I would be paying 100% of DDs costs and just under 50% of DSD’s costs.

But you still keep stating that I shouldn’t contribute anything. Right.

@Lostmyshityear9

Why would she keep paying for childcare she didn't need? She's not paying for childcare now is she? Why would she need childcare for 50/50?

You only read half a post? Because if I were to give up my childcare, I would never get it back! Huge waiting lists for my children's school wrap around care.

Yes I see that but it doesn't relate to this situation?

Yeah but as a whole family you should just join finances stop seeing it all as separate and get on with it.
That's what I would do yes at £7 is a joke.
Pay the reduced rate with the JSA and carry on as you were until DP gets a job.
In that situation that's what I would do but I told you to keep out of it as you have separate finances and you have a problem paying the ex "household"

Yeah but as a whole family you should just join finances stop seeing it all as separate and get on with it.

You mean I should pay for everything.

You’ve said several times that I should stay out of it. Except when it comes to my cash of course. My cash is very welcome.

Nah stay out of it because it's not your responsibility as you feel and said you don't want your income contributing to her household that's why you should. Because you don't feel she deserves it you made it clear.
£75 a week is hardly him contributing to anything is it so your paying the lot as it is.

£75 a week is hardly him contributing to anything is it so your paying the lot as it is.

Well what’s the big importance about him giving it to the ex then if it won’t contribute to anything?
It’s the principle of it. Why should he pay nothing towards the op’s household? Even if it is a small amount?

£75 a week is hardly him contributing to anything is it so your paying the lot as it is

It's £75 more than nowt.

So by staying out of it I should stop paying 60/40 for DSDs costs when she was with us pre lockdown (and when we go back to normal) including her holidays?

I should also stop Paying costs for DSD when she is with us 3 days and 3 nights a week currently?

You don’t seem to be grasping that I am already paying for DSD.

You just want me to contribute even more. I don’t think you’d be happy if I handed my entire salary over to DPs ex. You’d probably suggest I get a 2nd job so I can hand more money over.

Because she is a one income household all the time not just in this time.
The ops husband can find some evening work and back shifts in a supermarket to provide for his kids. I cannot see why this isn't an option. Weekend work anything to tide them over.

Why were you paying all that and not your DP?
Again it's your DP paying costs not you prior to this

Yeah but as a whole family you should just join finances stop seeing it all as separate and get on with it.

Are you seriously suggesting that OP and her DP should join finances with her DPs ex and split all 3 incomes equally?

No! I mean her and her husband should combine incomes and pay for the 2 children from the whole pot, you know?
If there are any savings just pay the maintenance from them until the job situation is back on

@TazSyd

So by staying out of it I should stop paying 60/40 for DSDs costs when she was with us pre lockdown (and when we go back to normal) including her holidays?

I should also stop Paying costs for DSD when she is with us 3 days and 3 nights a week currently?

You don’t seem to be grasping that I am already paying for DSD.

You just want me to contribute even more. I don’t think you’d be happy if I handed my entire salary over to DPs ex. You’d probably suggest I get a 2nd job so I can hand more money over.

So this man couldn't even support his own children pre-redundancy? Did he only put £300 towards his child with you as well? He sounds less worth keeping by the minute