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Step-parenting

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Original poster

My partner hates my son

116 replies

MancunianBird · 25/05/2020 13:03

New to this site, but I need impartial advice. I have been with my partner for 6 years. My son was 6 when we got together and he has 2 sons of the same age.
He was always awkward around my son and my son could feel that. It's gradually got worse over the years, even resulting in my partner calling my son nasty names when he has had a drink and saying I'm a rubbish parent and he's the better parent. I was young when I had him and he is my best friend.
He actually flipped my son off when he had a drink once. I did see this, but didn't want to rock the boat. I basically walked on egg shells, trying to keep my son happy upstairs and my partner happy downstairs. It's been hard.
Due to lockdown, I actually snapped after he called my son a thief and obnoxious (my son ate one of his kids chocolates out of the fridge).
I grabbed my son and walked out of the house.
It's been over a month and I still have not gone home, but that's what he expects to happen. I was hoping that I would have decided what I want to do by now, but I am still torn. My partner says that we can try and blend the families again, but I know that he doesn't like him, so it's hard for me to know that it will work. If it doesn't, I might never find the guts to leave again and stay in this cycle for another 6 years before I snap again. What do I do? No criticism please 😊

OP posts:
Original poster
MancunianBird · 25/05/2020 13:40

Would just like to clarify that he hasn't said nasty things to my son, he says them to me. My son isn't aware of any of this, he is just under the impression that they don't get on cause they don't have a lot in common. Believe it or not, this has had more of an effect on me than my son, as I have been juggling everything trying to keep all happy. I came on here for advice and non judgement, but reading some of the responses, it clearly wasn't the right thing to do. Thank you for those who actually gave advise. Sometimes it's hard to break a cycle and you just need some help. Please think before you judge, you don't walk in my shoes.

OP posts:
Bunnymumy · 25/05/2020 13:41

He slags your son off too you? Ick. He isn't your best friend. He is an arsehole.

MrsRogerLima · 25/05/2020 13:43

Yeah OP I think you probably wanted to discuss ways to fix this but there isn't one.

If ANYONE spoke to my children like that I'd batter their head in with a spade.

(I wouldn't, I'd leave and never see them again, but so strong is my emotion on this I would definitely want to)

Do you love your son? If so, why have you allowed him to be abused in this way for 6 years?

Lifeisconfusing · 25/05/2020 13:44

@Bunnymumy she said her son was her best friend

MrsRogerLima · 25/05/2020 13:45

Oh your son knows. He may not know the details, but he feels the hatred. Guaranteed.

yourestandingonmyneck · 25/05/2020 13:45

@Bunnymumy - I think she means her son is her best friend.

OP - Yes, probably some of those responses were hard to read. But sometimes we need to hear it. I think you know that this is your chance, for a better life for both you and your son.

Where are you staying now? Do you have people in real life how can help you get set up on your own?

yourestandingonmyneck · 25/05/2020 13:46

*who, not how

Bunnymumy · 25/05/2020 13:48

Ah sorry, I didn't go back to double check.

Tableclothing · 25/05/2020 13:51

My son isn't aware of any of this

Yes, he is.

FrippEnos · 25/05/2020 13:51

You have got out, the best thing now is to stay out.

TheGirlWithAPrince · 25/05/2020 13:51

Just run and dont look back .. Its wrong to speak about a child in that way

DramaAlpaca · 25/05/2020 13:52

OP, you are going to get tough love on here. People will tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear.

My only advice, not having been in your shoes, is imagine a friend has just told you what you've told us. What would you advise her to do?

onlinelinda · 25/05/2020 13:52

In your shoes I would leave him.

tenlittlecygnets · 25/05/2020 13:55

He actually flipped my son off when he had a drink once. I did see this, but didn't want to rock the boat. I basically walked on egg shells, trying to keep my son happy upstairs and my partner happy downstairs. It's been hard.

He sounds horrible. How could you have stayed with a man who you knew disliked your son? Walking on eggshells is no way to live, and your son WILL be aware of how hios stepdad feels.

My partner says that we can try and blend the families again, but I know that he doesn't like him, so it's hard for me to know that it will work.
It won't. If your ex has been happy to criticise you and your son for the past 6 years and you haven't stopped him, he won't change.

No criticism please 😊

Hmm Your poor son. Get some self-respect and don't go back. Put your son first. He can't make up his mind to leave. He has no power. Burt you do.

cakeandchampagne · 25/05/2020 13:55

Your son is aware he is hated.
And it will affect him more than you. It is out of his control, and happening during his childhood.

JudyCoolibar · 25/05/2020 13:57

Well done for leaving and making it so clear that his conduct was unacceptable. Things would only have got worse as your son became a teenager. I'm afraid returning to him just isn't going to work.

If you need to sort out financial stuff, issues around the house and recovering your own and your son's belongings, contact Women's Aid.

Wilberforce1 · 25/05/2020 13:58

Wow.. You have subjected your son to this mans hatred for 6 years, what do you think that tells your son? It tells him that no matter how this man treats him you will ignore it because he is more important. Disgraceful.

CherryStoneTree · 25/05/2020 13:59

Your son does know exactly how he feels about him.

Huge well done for leaving, please don’t go back.

Happymum12345 · 25/05/2020 14:00

Please stay away. You’ve done the right thing by leaving, don’t go back.

timeisnotaline · 25/05/2020 14:02

Your son is most definitely aware. You’ve put an adult in a parental role who actively dislikes him - well done for leaving but you cannot go back. It’s time to show your son he matters to you.

timetest · 25/05/2020 14:02

You should have left him years ago.

HaddawayAndShite · 25/05/2020 14:04

My son isn't aware of any of this
Er yes he is.
He was always awkward around my son and my son could feel that

I'm shocked you're even considering going back, your poor son. He should be your first priority, not a man who is nasty about your own flesh and blood.

saffy1234 · 25/05/2020 14:04

It's ridiculous you are asking for advice
Any decent parent put their child first.Get rid OP

NumbsMet · 25/05/2020 14:04

I hope you don't mind me asking OP, but you mentioned that he has two kids of the same age as your son. Are they twins? Or are they to two separate mothers. I don't know why this is a sticking point for me but if it is the latter I would find it difficult to respect much that he says about parenting if he was so irresponsible. However if it's twins then of course I'm wrong about that - regardless to take issue over a 6 year old and throw toddler tantrums about it doesn't make him sound very mature at all. I hope you find the strength to stay away for good.

FlowerArranger · 25/05/2020 14:05

Sorry, I can’t believe you have subjected your DS to this for 6 years. Speechless.

x2

What have you been thinking all these years, OP?

And do I understand correctly, that you consider your son to be your best friend? That's inappropriate.

I understand that you were a very young mother, but isn't it about time you grew up?

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