MIL Walking DH ExW down the aisle - this is weird right?

[OGV1966]

Just found out that not content with DH's DB's making the wedding cake and designing/printing the invites that exW is going to be walked down the aisle by my MIL. WTF? Her wedding dress is hanging in DH's Aunt's wardrobe, and all of his family are invited to the wedding. DH has one of his daughters living with us while the other lives with exW. My DSD thinks the whole thing is just crazy, that her uncles and Nan should not be involved in the wedding. DH has been divorced for 16 years. ExW never really had any partners until last year when she met someone and got engaged within 5 weeks. They will have been together about 13 months when they marry.

They spent Xmas with DH's family.

MIL has never been pleasant to me, and treats ExW like a daughter. Apparently it is her idea that she walks ExW down the aisle. DH is obviously feeling very hurt and let down by his family. As is DSD who is now saying she'd rather not go along. I think it's plain weird and my family agree. Part of me thinks it quite funny, but I can see that it is affecting my DH and DSD.

I've decided I'll not bother with my MIL again - she has made her bed as far as I'm concerned, not a great loss to me if I'm honest. I've always really tried and she has always pushed me away. This is the final straw for me, I don't see a way I could ever have a relationship with her, but I feel that my husband should as you only get one Mum.

Has anyone else ever experienced this?

So they split 16 years ago but you’ve been together with him for 17 years? Or is that wrong?

They've been divorced 16 years. Split about 17 and a half years ago. We've been together 17 years this year. It has always been a nightmare.

Oh ok, so possibly, even though you weren’t the OW, MIL had thoughts of a reconciliation between them but sees you as having got in the way of that? Just wondering what’s driving the dynamics.

Situation seems to have been resolved - DSD has suggested to her M that she and her S walk their M down the aisle. Apparently M had not thought of this option. I reckon my MIL will be fuming that she has been demoted, but she seriously overstepped the mark IMO by offering to do it in the first place. DSD is much happier now and DH too. That's all I care about really. Thank you all for your input. Conclusion of this is that my MIL is a nasty vindictive woman, but I knew that anyway lols

My takeaway? This is two women with boundary issues.

Your DH’s EW lost her mother and clearly attached herself to your DH’s mother and has given her the role of parent. Likewise your MiL has wanted a daughter and has a very close relationship with the EW. As far as they are concerned their relationship supersedes any divorce. And as such, boundaries that most of us would put in place do not exist here.

The wider problem appears to be that this relationship does not allow your MIL to give space and recognition to you and your role as wife.

I think you’re spot on. It’s senseless drama and it’s good that a resolution has been reached so that your DSD is happier.