Husband's Ex Wife demanding more money, HELP!

[NewbieSM]

Hi there, I've been lurking on Mumsnet for about 6 months now and this is my first post..

I've been married to my husband for 3 years and it mostly been amazing, we are best friends, get on with family and his two DD's (10 and 8). I myself don't have any kids but grew up in blended family so feel I can relate to the girls on this level and get on really well.

DH has custody EOW and half the holidays, but will often have them extra weekends or public holidays when possible. This means DH pays child maintenance to EXW (as he should) of £160 p/w. Now on top of this we are responsible for paying for school uniform and shoes, 50% of clothes for both houses, trainers, all dental and braces, stationary (including iPad and laptop), tennis lessons and dance lessons, all trips, school photos, birthday and Xmas gifts. You name it, we provide it.

Now EXW is a SAHM, was when married to DH and has never had a job since. She is currently supported by her DP and benefits. I'm not underestimating the life of a SAHM, that's her choice, but she is now asking us for MORE money she wants DOUBLE! Says, you have two incomes and by marrying him, I'm agreeing to financially support the kids!

Now I do provide for the kids directly, I buy almost all their clothes with my own money and send them back to her house. I buy gifts, pay for holidays, bills, all stuff the kids benefit from. But there is no way I'm giving that woman any money.

How do we deal with this? She has form for discussing finances with the kids to paint us as the baddies. It's emotional blackmail, says, "you can't go the cinema because Daddy won't give me money" etc.

Don't want to fuck up what has been a relatively amicable arrangement between us. But also don't want fork out more money!

HELP!

Sorry this turned into a novel but I didn't want to miss out anything and I'm ranting a bit

She has personally sent me two texts and I only replied to the first one saying she needed to discuss this with Dh.

I think she thinks because I'm earning there is more money to cover our expenses therefore freeing up some more cash for her.

We won't be engaging in anymore money talks, she knows our position and there is sweet eff all she can do about it.

Will be interesting to see if tries the revenge tactic by trying to reduce contact. Hopefully she will soon realise what idiot she has been and pipe down.

Not being funny but 160pw is over 700pm. It is way over the official amount cms would calculate.
I agree SOMETIMES on a low wage the cms calculation is a bare minimum but once you start to get to high wages it becomes a tad ridiculous. I would not pay her anymore as frankly your already paying way more then you should be, if shes running out of electric etc she needs to get a job or live within her means!

However you do see some women who forget that when they divorced their husbands, they also divorced their wallets

What a mean comment! Tell that to all the posters who talk about family money, and joint finances, and facilitating careers. I can't believe a good parent would not want the best life for their children. And the money is for the children, not the XW. XW's life isn't a bed of roses- the NRP only has the children EOW and half holidays. Pretty tough to get a job that fits in around that (and I assume drop offs and pick ups will fall to XW if the DC's DF is not available) when you haven't ever worked.

OP does sound like a lovely stepmum who genuinely cares for the SC.