Been with my boyfriend for over a year now, he's 36 and I'm 27. When we got together, he'd just come out of an 8 year relationship (6 year marriage) and had a 2yo son. I'd come out of a 8 year relationship too, but no kids + not married.
We kept the relationship on the down-low for a while as we work in the same department and while his divorce was going through, but we're open about our relationship now and his ex knows he is with someone new.
Everything has been really good between us until recently I've started to get really down.
He told me a few months in that he was glad that having a child didn't put me off and that he hoped he'd be an important part of my life soon, and thanked me for being so patient and understanding. Fast forward a couple of months, he apologised that I hadn't met his son yet but was going to set it up soon with his family to ease us both in. This was in September.
It's now January and I still haven't met him. We've been together for over a year now.
I've tried bring it up in a non-princessy way - rather that it upsets me that he acts like I don't exist on the days he has his son. For example, an old college friend came to visit for the weekend, and he spent the day with his son. Once he'd dropped the kid back at his mum's, only then was I allowed to come over. He says he just doesn't want to confuse him as he is perceptive and would see me as a mother figure straightaway, even though we've both agreed it would be ok to just introduce me as a friend and very gradually.
His own mum asks me if I'm coming to family events with them, and then my bf says "Oh no, because I have XX that day" so I automatically get excluded.
We don't live together yet (only because of the child thing!), but he stays at mine literally every second when he doesn't have his child. When he has him, boom - I don't exist again. He's told me he wants to buy a place together this year - but obviously this is going to have to have a room for his child.. who I have no relationship with at all yet!
I hate it because it isn't and shouldn't be my decision on when and how we meet. And I'm not desperate for a step-child. But it hurts because I feel like I don't know him fully yet - as a dad, that HUGE part of his life. It also hurts because he excludes me on anything to do with a child, but expects me to share my life and everything else with him. It makes me feel like he doesn't see a future with me.
On top of this, and it could be related (I have asked but he said no), his ex is mad and hates me. I stupidly looked at her Instagram recently. I saw a lot of recent and bitter posts about him and sometimes me, and it isn't the first time, and that she hoped her son would turn out to be a better man, etc. An over-sharer basically and not very nice. Definitely not over him.
So I'm starting to wonder what to do and whether this is right for me. I have tried to be reasonable and objective, but I am SO miserable right now. It's hard enough knowing that he was married to someone else before and has a child with them, let alone this.
I don't know whether to keep waiting, try and keep talking to him about it as I love him dearly, but it's been a year and I really don't feel happy in the current situation. I hope it's salvageable, but I'm beginning to have doubts.
Please help if you can!