Step-siblings and boundaries

[ThisMustBeMyDream]

Hi,
Just need to check this with other step parents.
What do you do with young children and dressing/undressing and bathing?
I have an almost 3 year old dsd. I have two boys, 6 and 4.
We let them lead the way with what they are comfortable with. The younger two like to have a bath together, to play.
They are all naked around each other when they are getting ready as they generally still don't have inhibitions. Dsd is still very much in the strip off at every chance phase. We follow the pants rule so they all know what is off limits etc and they are generally supervised at all times other than sleep.
They all sleep in the same room, in their own beds.
They will all have suitable rooms/privacy at the right times, but for now they are little, and our set up seems quite normal for siblings. If they were direct siblings I wouldn't be doing anything different. Neither would her dad.

Mum isn't happy as you can probably guess. Dsd appears to have said about boys having willys and girls have (not sure what term she used but some term for girl bits). Mum said she shouldn't know such rude things. Obviously I don't think for one minute knowing body parts is rude. Dad doesn't either. Me and dad parent very much the same. Mum parents very differently and is very agressive when she doesn't like something. Just want to check what other step parents of young children are doing around this issue before my OH addresses this himself.

Why? At just 4 and nearly 3, it is OH's choice for his child. He is happy. He also checked with social care who also had no issue.

At seven I had sleepovers with my best male friend. I'm so glad neither parent panicked or I'd be missing some really lovely memories.

Oh, and the whole "mummy say I not bath with naughty boys" thing was forgotten this morning when she heard the shower on. Straight away she was there demanding to join in. Her choice. If it was a wrong choice, she would be guided away from it. Her dad doesn't see it as a wrong choice. Neither do I.

OP I completely agree with you. A 4yo and 3yo bathing together is not an issue at all. My ds has bathed with friends, cousins etc and none of us batted an eyelid. People who find this strange or weird need to look at their own strange interpretation of a bath.

You sound level headed and reasonable. DSDS mother less so.

He also checked with social care who also had no issue

The fact that a parenting decision doesn't warrant ss concern does not necessarily make it a good decision!

In your opinion.

Read what I wrote.

I didn't offer an opinion on your dh's parenting in my last post, I simply stated that the fact that social care aren't concerned is irrelevant in the discussion.

I did have problems with my Ds and DD bathing together when she was about 2 and DS 5. DD was fascinated with the bit of anatomy DS that she didn't and tried to grab it. The easiest answer that allows them still to have fun together but avoids making a fight with Dsd's mum is to pop a pair of swimming trunks on them both. The alternative is to put DSD in a position where her mum tells her off for something she enjoys at your house and she gets confused and upset about what she's done wrong.

You're both being a little selfish and not thinking long term. I don't necessarily believe bathing them together is harmful, and I do understand that he is also her Father and he should have a say, but creating conflict and not respecting the Mother's wishes will backfire. It's a small request from her in the long run.

I feel sorry for the young girl who will soon notice and become confused.