Am I being unreasonable

[SSF8]

Bit of background. I have one DD age 11.
OH has one DD age 5 and we have one DS together who is 3 month old.
Basically OH's DD lives with her mam and shares a bedroom with her and gets cuddled to sleep all night (borderline child abuse in my eyes) she is almost 6! So when she comes to ours she expects the same thing. We gave her a bedroom, decorated it in unicorns at her request, all the decorations and fairy lights she wanted.... this was almost a year ago when we knew the baby would be arriving. We now have a 3 month old baby... my darling little stepdaughter still won't sleep alone. My other half is on her bedroom floor every weekend, leaving me to the night feeds while he's off work and could be giving me a break.
DS has started sleeping better and I am wanting to give him his own room and space as we now tend to wake him up coming to bed. If we don't wake him he sleeps from 7-5am (I know this from the number of times I've fell asleep on the sofa) DH won't let me give him his own room as he wants his daughter to have her own room when she sleeps. My daughter is 11 and would be happy to share with his 5 year old once a week IF she slept good .... but she doesn't!
What do I do. I'm at my wits end. I want everyone to be happy but I feel like we just argue constantly over our children!!

No not everyone stops getting on. But they don't get on. And I think I'd know his answer if I suggested he moved in with his ex wife for a month!

But the person who has the issue seems to be the OP

DSD is not sleeping well, it's causing problems for everyone and even her mum has mentioned it.
It''s not unusual that the OP is describing an issue they have, in fact that is how AIBU works. The suggestion that Dad spends a month focused just on his DDs sleep?? I've never seen MN advice 'Get the ex round every night for a month that should fix it' when a Mum posts about sleep issues in a 5 year old because it's terrible advice.

Dad staying with the DD for a month is a crazy idea and will do her no favours.

@Kewlwife

I doubt many 5 year olds understand adult romantic relationships to that level of complexity.

I disagree, most 5 year olds I have met with separated parents hope they will get back together.

Either way, I find the suggestion of leaving your newborn baby and it's mother for a full month during this crucial stage of bonding and most exhausting time quite shocking.

I doubt anyone would say it was ok for him to not see the step child for a month because he was tending to his babies equally if not more pressing sleep needs.

Her mum declined their suggestions for stopping co-sleeping.

Of course a 5 year old would hope her parents got back together!
She's even said quite recently that she can't wait for her dad to save enough money to get his own house so her and her mam can move in with him.
We try and make it very clear to her that she has 2 houses and 2 families, and that mam and dad are no longer together and that they are friends but they don't love each other anymore. But she still mentions them getting back together sometimes

Stopping co-sleeping isn't just our suggestion. It's also a request that was made by the child and it was refused.

I would put the 5yo in with the 11yo and make the room suitable for them.both and give his baby his own room at 6 months.

I dont think co sleeping benefits anyone in the long run either. All the parents i know that co sleep are permanently knackered and complaining that they never get a minute alone. Wonder why!

But if the reality is that mum will be up and down all night, it isn't entirely the kid's call. A bit like when my child wants ice cream or something else sugary just before bed. They can make the call that they are peckish, I'll decide whats appropriate to eat.

@Kewlwife

But if the reality is that mum will be up and down all night, it isn't entirely the kid's call. A bit like when my child wants ice cream or something else sugary just before bed. They can make the call that they are peckish, I'll decide whats appropriate to eat.

If we're talking about parents deciding what's best for the child, then why is it ok for the mum to prioritise her own sleep needs by cosleeping with a child who is ready to move on because she knows best, but not ok for the dad to say to her that cosleeping at his is not her call or what's best for her and she needs to sleep alone?

You can't really compare a child's sleeping routine to eating an ice cream before bed!
That's just simple parenting.
Co sleeping so you don't have to get up and down during the night is a much more complex issue than saying no to a treat.
Yes it would be hard work short term. But isn't having kids in general hard work?

Also, who moves their baby into their own room at 3 months old

Basically OH's DD lives with her mam and shares a bedroom with her and gets cuddled to sleep all night (borderline child abuse in my eyes) she is almost 6! So when she comes to ours she expects the same thing

Stopping co-sleeping isn't just our suggestion. It's also a request that was made by the child and it was refused.

Which is it OP?

I didn't say I was putting him in his own room tomorrow. It would take a bit of planning and time moving rooms around, decorating and buying a cot etc. The guidelines might say 6 month, but they say 6 month for weaning too, and 65% of people still wean before 6 months. They're just guidelines. As a parent, I think you just know when the right time is

As a parent, I think you just know when the right time is

Indeed. As a parent, it's entirely up to you when you move your child into their own room.

As a Mum, you know your child best.

Not a trace of irony 🤣

lisbon lets not forget some mums dont make decisions in the interest of their child.....

Well it's both. She wants to do it alone, and plans to do it alone up until bed time when she realises she can't do it alone, so then expects someone to sleep with her. She's asked her mam to start sleeping alone at home to try and learn how to do it so she has a better experience when coming to sleep over at our house.
She stopped sleeping here completely for a couple of months because she didn't want to and we didn't want to force her. But she wants to try again as she feels she's missing out by not staying.

Again. Massive difference between moving a baby from a cot in their parents room to their own room, and co sleeping with an almost 6 year old.
He may be in my room now, but he's not in my bed!

I only wanted advice on getting her to sleep better. So if you've got no good advice, then I wouldn't waste your time trying to bad parent me.

lets not forget some mums dont make decisions in the interest of their child.....

I was responding to OPs confident assertion that she's happy to go against advice on what's best because she knows her child. Which is true.

But also laughably ironic on a thread where she's verbally eviscerated her partner's ex for doing the same!

This wee girl sounds awful confused and distressed. I'm not surprised her Mum is knackered.

But we dont know why the mum chooses to co sleep.... usually its because its easier for the parent. Not whats best for the child.

Op moving her child into another room is her doing what she thinks is best for the child cos its not gonna make her life any easier!

She'll grow out of this stage. It's a bit shit though to have given her her own room a year ago and now you're talking about taking it off her. Is your Dp only capable of parenting one as I don't understand why he can't get up in the night to the baby? Stay with his dd until asleep then get on with his evening like lots of other parents do.

How does she not have a bedroom in her Mum's 5 bedroom house? Has her mum not done a room for her?

But we dont know why the mum chooses to co sleep.... usually its because its easier for the parent. Not whats best for the child.

That's every bit as much speculation as anything else. OP doesn't actually know why either, so even she is speculating.

It is speculation but lets face it, its the reason most people co sleep isnt it.