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paying for holidays
32

Stickytoffeepuddingyum · 11/07/2019 14:25

So i guess this isn't so much a steparent problem but just want to get consensus from parents.

What age did you stop paying for your children to go on annual holiday?

My df stopped paying once we were in full time work, i was around 17 and by then wanted to go on holiday with friends anyway.

DH has 2 children, one 20 and one 14, we have a child together who is 6.

DH thinks we should pay for as long as they want to come, my issue is dsc has a decent job and doesn't pay rent with her dm, so probably has more disposable income than we do, we can't afford to pay for a holiday for all of us, as dc 14 counts as adult price.

He thinks i am being selfish but i think for the sake of everyone going on holiday it is not unreasonable to ask her to pay her part of the holiday. This is for next year, so over 12 months notice.

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Pipandmum · 11/07/2019 14:34

My parents paid for me when on the odd occasion I went on holiday with them. More likely I would join them at their house in Spain, I would pay for my flight but while there they paid for food and meals out. They might pay for my sister to travel out as she had a low paying job and wouldn’t be able to afford it. I don’t think it matters if they are step or blood children (I mean you may be the step parent but your husband is their parent).
I always pay when I take my stepsons out for dinner even though they are in their late 20s. But I’d expect them to pay for my teen son if he’s staying with them (though I’d make sure he had some money too).

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Spanglyprincess1 · 11/07/2019 14:50

At 20 in full time employment I was expected to pay for my own flights and spending money but my mom would cover accomadation costs if big family holiday.
Could that be a compramise?

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Pinkprincess1978 · 11/07/2019 14:56

We never really had family holidays so it wasn't an issue. I wasn't invited on the family holiday my DGM paid for my siblings, cousins, Aunty, uncles and mum to go on. I was a full time student but probably 20/21.

I would agree that if an adult child is earning they should pay or significantly contribute to the family holiday.

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msmith501 · 11/07/2019 15:06

Even on the simple basis that you pay for children (or those on full time employment), adults (the oldest child) must step up and put on her big girl pants if she wants to be taken seriously as a woman and as a grown up.

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Butterflyone1 · 11/07/2019 15:12

This is a real difficult one. Does DSC really want to go on holiday with you all or is she just going as it's seen as a free holiday?

I would price everything up and try to come to a reasonable compromise. Perhaps ask her to contribute to the holiday if you can't agree for the full payment.

Who is actually paying for the holiday? Will it be split evenly or is DH paying say 2/3 and you the other third?

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Aroundtheworldandback · 11/07/2019 16:32

If we invite our adult children on holiday with us, we will always pay for them. If they go with their friends and are working, they pay.

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Teddybear45 · 11/07/2019 16:37

Every holiday, unless it’s to a mega expensive resort, parente will try to cover as much of the accomodation costs as possible. We then pay the difference + flights + spending money. But none of us are stepkids - Dad could tell us to contribute without us thinking it’s him taking a side against a stepmum. I don’t think it’s worth the aggro for you, personally. Just pay for her and choose a smaller holiday overall.

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NorthernSpirit · 11/07/2019 16:59

Jesus, the 20 year old ‘child’ in FT employment living rent free should pay for her own holiday. She’s a grown woman - she needs to start supporting herself.

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msmith501 · 11/07/2019 17:01

I think there is a difference between auto-paying for grown up kids and "making up the difference" if they genuinely can't afford the full cost. I do the same in my local - if friends are struggling, I'd rather but them a few drinks and see them out and about than for them to sit at home. I know they will do the same when appropriate.

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Youseethethingis · 11/07/2019 17:09

No advice really but it would be a cold day in hell before I let my child miss out on holiday experiences on the account of an adult sibling who was considered too precious to pay their own way. You ARE allowed to prioritise your child.

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Stickytoffeepuddingyum · 11/07/2019 19:18

Thanks all. It would be me paying for the whole holiday as I earn more but I have to pay monthly over 18 months to pay for it and we have to cut back on things to be able to do it. I never minded when she was in education paying and obviously don't mind paying for 14 yo dsc but I am having difficulty in paying for a working adult who has more disposable income than me when she can afford it.

If it was my dc I would tell them they have to pay but dh doesn't agree and not my child.

I don't see why we should have to do a cheaper holiday (which would mean this country rather than abroad) as it's already as low as we can and paid over such a long period.

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GreenTulips · 11/07/2019 19:23

Then ask your DH to take a second job to pay for the daughter

Is he prepared to do that?

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HeckyPeck · 11/07/2019 19:57

Put your foot down OP. Why does your husband think he can tell you to pay for his adult daughter who has no living costs?

If he won’t listen then I’d just go with my own child and leave them at home with no holiday.

Cheeky bastard!

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Spanglyprincess1 · 11/07/2019 20:18

He pays the difference for his adult child, simples.
Paying for children or those in full time education is not the same as paying for an adult.
He wants his adult child not to pay. He pays for them. Simples.

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HerRoyalNotness · 12/07/2019 03:52

Your husband is a dick. If he wants her to
go, he pays. Otherwise she pays herself. You should not be subsidising an adult with a full time job just because she’s his daughter. I’m beginning to see why this generation is so entitled

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notangelinajolie · 12/07/2019 04:20

If you invite them then you pay. You can't invite someone to come on your holiday with you and then tell them they have to pay Hmm

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PonderingPanda · 12/07/2019 04:22

Agree with everyone else who says DSD should pay/contribute.

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WomanLikeMeLM · 12/07/2019 05:53

If your DH wants to pay for his kids to go on holiday then thats none of your business really.

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Spanglyprincess1 · 12/07/2019 08:13

But he isn't is he? He wants op to. Pay for his kids to go on holiday as he isn't paying anything

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MichelleC69 · 12/07/2019 12:19

Totally agree with those who say she should pay, or at least contribute. Also it's not really reasonable to expect you to subsidise his kids, unless you really want to.

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GreenTulips · 12/07/2019 12:30

If you invite them then you pay. You can't invite someone to come on your holiday with you and then tell them they have to pay

OP didn’t invite her DH did!!

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ColaFreezePop · 12/07/2019 13:05

The only children who need a holiday paying with associated expenses when you get out there for are the ones under 18.

The 20 year old shouldn't be invited unless there is a good reason to invite her e.g. it is a holiday for something special because as she is working she will have limited holiday anyway.

Can you afford to lose the deposit? If so tell your DH that you will not paying a penny for his working daughter as while she may be his child she is a full-time working adult who needs to start taking responsibility for her own costs and planning her own holidays with her friends/partner. Make it very clear on the other hand you are happy to pay for the 14 year old as she is a child.

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MichelleC69 · 12/07/2019 13:07

If you invite them then you pay. You can't invite someone to come on your holiday with you and then tell them they have to pay

BTW this is bullshit. My mum has come on holiday with us most years since my dad died. She wouldn't dream of having me pay for her share, she'd feel like a freeloader!

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CruellaFeinberg · 12/07/2019 13:11

If you invite them then you pay. You can't invite someone to come on your holiday with you and then tell them they have to pay

BTW this is bullshit. My mum has come on holiday with us most years since my dad died. She wouldn't dream of having me pay for her share, she'd feel like a freeloader!

Yeah - totally agree!

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CurlyWurlyTwirly · 12/07/2019 13:54

Of course your DH should pay for his dd if he wants her to have a free holiday. Propose the holiday you want overseas; tell her how much extra it is with d(s)d and get them to figure out how they want to split the cost. Will be interesting to see if dsd actually comes once it's no longer a freebie.

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