Help please......

[Adele2204]

Hi everyone, wanted some advice please as it seems that I'm going insane possibly...

My Partner has custody of his 4 children aged from 16 - 9 years old. We also have my daughter who's 16 living with us & I have a 20 year old son who is currently at university.

My son has mentioned to come home for the summer to stay at our house which is in my partners name but it's been met with negative feedback from my other half as he says that he has no room for him.

I do everything for my other half's kids, all the usual mum duties and now I feel that I need him to be a parent to my son he's not too happy about it.

I appreciate that my son is 20 and doesn't necessarily need parenting but am I wrong to think that for as long as he doesn't have a home my home should be his???

Please help... thanks

@DarklyDreamingDexter that figure is actually about right – but people in hostels like that are usually claiming housing benefit, which pays for it.

It's not just for the room, it's all the services attached to the hostel – support worker, security, etc etc. I agree, it is a crazy figure though.

OP, I would suggest getting some expert advice BEFORE you leave the house, if you are going to leave – if you want to be able to claim the full range of benefits and support you'd be eligible for, you'll need to do it in such a way that the council can't say you made yourself intentionally homeless.

The Citizens Advice Bureau would be a good place to start.

@billybagpuss I'm ok. Didn't sleep well not have I had any messages or calls from him
To actually see if myself and my DD are ok but hey ho... my boss has offered to help me money wise to get a place so am arranging some viewings. Feel terrible on my daughter also sleeping in my friends sofa! It's a horrid situation but the fact that he hasn't been in touch leads me to believe I was just some sort of glorified babysitter......

You'll look back on this as a lucky escape

It’s not a mess op, it’s the start of something new and great...

I hope so..... it's just the upheaval but hey ho, one door closes and another one opens.. fingers crossed I can get somewhere sorted. X

You were horribly used op but you don't need to look back to go forward!

Your boss sounds wonderful. Onwards and upwards op

Oh @adele2204 you are so strong and you are blessed with your wonderful daughter and son. So let’s be positive. You can’t change what is done but you can make all the positive changes you need from here. That’s great that your boss is supportive and hopefully you get somewhere soon. You will feel a load lifted when you get a new place - imagine that you only have your DD to look out for and not all of his DC. She will thrive now. And so will your son. Keep us posted and hopefully some people will have good financial advice for you.

@Annasgirl & @Prettyvase such wonderful comments, so motivating.. I've got my first viewing Monday so fingers crossed. I can't tell you what a help everyone has been and to think that there is people like this around that don't know you but are willing to lend an ear is positively marvellous... right now I feel good and positive. I know it's not going to be like this forever and that's what I'm focusing on.. thank you all from the bottom of my heart and I'll keep you posted 😊😊

Stay strong, OP.

Adele, give yourself time to mourn this part of your life. When you feel bad, don't fight the feeling. You know that time heals everything.
You sound like a nice woman, that's why you have this support. And try to think that raising this kids was something good that you've done and they will remember you (many teenagers are rude as it seems). It wasn't a waste of time. Thinking that will only make you feel worse.
You have a whole new life ahead of you with your grown up kids where you can concentrate on yourself finally. You're still young!
When I feel bad or have doubts, I turn to books and/or internet. There is so much uplifting reading out there, uplifting meditations on youtube....

Good luck with the viewing

The council might be able to help you by paying or guaranteeing your deposit, lots of councils have schemes to help people access rented accommodation even if they won't literally house you. I'd speak to them and explain you need help to rent, getting deposit together etc. You may also be able to make up rent with benefits, including discretionary payments.

It is not easy at all but there are often services that can help, even if they're not widely advertised.