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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Honeymoon etiquette...

97 replies

YYYYYiiiii · 07/03/2019 10:22

Am I right in thinking it’s bad taste to ask your ex husband to have your kids whilst you go on your honeymoon? Would you be unimpressed if your OH ex asked this especially when she owes your OH a substantial amount of money but has the money to get married and go on honeymoon?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

10IAR · 13/03/2019 13:32

I'm saying that making sure his house had fancy holidays and savings was shit.

Sorry that the sarcasm got lost on you.

His priority ought to have been his child. Not fancy holidays and spending money!

10IAR · 13/03/2019 13:33

If you marry/cohabit with a man with children but don't see those children as part of your family, why the hell get involved with their dad?

Jesus. For the record I've never had maintenance from XH, so I did manage without it. Doesn't stop him being a wasteman though does it?

HotpotLawyer · 13/03/2019 13:35

OP, can you just state what the situation is?

Who is going on honeymoon, who is 'she'? Is she your ex? Or your Ex's new wife, or your DH's ex or what?

And who owes money to whom?

PoesyCherish · 13/03/2019 13:38

I'm saying that making sure his house had fancy holidays and savings was shit.

A honeymoon isn't a fancy holiday.

If you marry/cohabit with a man with children but don't see those children as part of your family, why the hell get involved with their dad?

DSD is my family. Her Mum is not though and I've zero responsibility to pay maintenance to her when I fully support her and treat her as family at our own house.

Brakebackcyclebot · 13/03/2019 13:39

Am I right in thinking it’s bad taste to ask your ex husband to have the kids whilst you go on your honeymoon?

No. You are not right.

Would you be unimpressed if your OH ex asked this especially when she owes your OH a substantial amount of money but has the money to get married and go on honeymoon?

I might be unimpressed, but I would put the kids' interests first and separate the two issues.

10IAR · 13/03/2019 13:39

A honeymoon isn't a fancy holiday

That's exactly what it is.

DSD is my family. Her Mum is not though

The money isn't for her mum.

Ohyesiam · 13/03/2019 13:40

Well the children have to have one of their parents don’t they so has to be the dad that week

cocodash · 13/03/2019 13:54

sorry have missed getting slated.

i will try and clear a few of your gripes up.

@Hollowtalk he did not just withdraw maintance. he collapsed, nearly died, needed major surgery and was not able to work for a forsseable time after. AND if you had read the post the maintance he missed due to not working was backdated. This amount did not need to be backdated as he wasnt earning while off and only on SSP so by those calculations he was only required to pay £5 per week which his ex scoffed at.

@10IAR we had saved for several years for our wedding and honeymoon. All was paid off in full WELL before he was rushed into hospital therefore we didnt have any money left. And your right we did have an income. Mine. which was used to pay all the household bills, living expenses, food, etc. And who said we werent feeding or clothing DSS ot that he was missing out??? we still had DSS every week without fail, fed him, clothed him, took him out, paid for his clubs as normal and he would come and stay extra days as he was worried about his dad considering he nearly died. so i dont appretiate you slamming him saying he is a rubbish father as he couldnt afford to pay maintance for several months while on benefits and recovering from major chest surgery. and just to add I have been in DSS life from an early age in his life and i DO see DSS as part of my own family. always have. always will. and apart from out honeymoon he has been with us on every other holiday and trip weve taken.

clearly you are bitter about your own circumstances but doesnt mean everyone should be flamed.

10IAR · 13/03/2019 14:00

If you say so Coco

Foxmuffin · 13/03/2019 14:10

I don’t really think it matters why their Mother needs help with childcare, but aslong as your OH can accommodate I don’t see this being an issue.

PoesyCherish · 13/03/2019 14:18

I totally agree with you @cocodash don't worry though there are always bitter ex wives on here who think everything us stepmums and NRP dad's do is wrong. I hope your DH has fully recovered now

Foxmuffin · 13/03/2019 14:19

You can’t pay something you don’t have! What a ridiculous thing to suggest you should magic money out of air! Your step child has two parents. If you’d asked about going to a school play like another lady on here you’d be reminded you’re not a parent. But apparently that doesn’t extend to finances when you SHOULD be a parent. WTH?

10IAR · 13/03/2019 14:22

Bitter ex wives?

Bless.

I'm not bitter, at all. But then, I know my child doesn't go without on the say so of a feckless ex and his shiny new wife.

I also don't pretend that doing the absolute bare minimum for my DSDs makes me a saint, it doesn't. Any parent, step or otherwise, who thinks the bare minimum is enough needs a shake.

PoesyCherish · 13/03/2019 14:25

But then, I know my child doesn't go without on the say so of a feckless ex and his shiny new wife.

A parent almost dying doesn't make them feckless. As a PP says you can't pay money that you don't have. If that constitutes doing the bare minimum then you need to give your head a good shake. And if you're referring to me, I absolutely do a lot more than the bare minimum but that does not extend to paying for her when she's with her Mother and I certainly don't refer to myself as a saint.

10IAR · 13/03/2019 14:27

Fair enough. Whatever you say.

cocodash · 13/03/2019 14:29

@10IAR ohh get off your high horse.

who here has said they are doing the bare minumum?? if you ex has fucked you and your child about thats your problem.. Not all of us are like that.

i do however like being called the new shiney wife though.... i'll stick younger in there too just to hit more of the sterotype your going for.

Foxmuffin · 13/03/2019 14:29

Fairly confident a serious, debilitating illness wasn’t the result of the shiny new wife and her wishes to inconvenience the ex. I’m sure shiny new wife would have preferred her own finances and husbands health weren’t compromised and was just dealing with a bad situation.
If DH became ill my money could only stretch so far. Making ourselves homeless wouldn’t help.

Chillyegg · 13/03/2019 14:30

I actually think that’s shocking the savings should of gone to the child and not the honey moon. Priorities and all that

10IAR · 13/03/2019 14:32

who here has said they are doing the bare minumum .

You.

Chillyegg · 13/03/2019 14:33

@cocodash I actually think that’s really bad . The cost of your dos child never went away while he was ill so if you had savings the savings should have gone to the child not w honey moon. I can see why she got her knickers in a twist

cocodash · 13/03/2019 14:33

@chillyegg again if you read my posts. Our savings had been spent before DH collapsed.

cocodash · 13/03/2019 14:34

@10IAR please quote me the specifics where i said i was doing the bare minimum?

PoesyCherish · 13/03/2019 14:35

@10IAR not paying the ex doesn't mean you're doing the bare minimum. You seriously need to sort out your priorities if you think what coco and her husband are doing is the bare minimum. I'm pretty sure dealing with serious and life threatening illnesses are the main priority.

PoesyCherish · 13/03/2019 14:36

Fair enough. Whatever you say. sorry but what exactly do you think I and others should do? Pay our own money towards maintenance but then when it comes to anything else obviously we're nothing to do with the DC as we're only the stepmum?

cocodash · 13/03/2019 14:36

@chillyegg your right the costs never went away while DH was ill but what would you suggest i do? my wages only covered all the bills? if you know a tree where money grows then point me in the right direction

and keep in mind once DH was back to work HE BACKDATED the months where no maintance was paid.

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