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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Honeymoon etiquette...

97 replies

YYYYYiiiii · 07/03/2019 10:22

Am I right in thinking it’s bad taste to ask your ex husband to have your kids whilst you go on your honeymoon? Would you be unimpressed if your OH ex asked this especially when she owes your OH a substantial amount of money but has the money to get married and go on honeymoon?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

TheInvestigator · 07/03/2019 14:20

Children are a blessing, not an inconvenience.

Willow1992 · 07/03/2019 14:27

We wouldn't have thought twice about it, we do have DSS in bigger blocks rather than little and often though so it wouldn't have made too much difference.

Is there a grandparent or other relative they could do something fun with on your birthday so you can still do whatever it is you had pre-planned? Then maybe have a meal with your SDC involved as well.

Romanov · 07/03/2019 14:33

unless there is another major drip feed coming, of course he should have his own children

bloody hell that you even thought to ask

LazyLizzy · 07/03/2019 14:36

So the DC are an inconvenience to you.

What would you do about the 'significant birthday' if your OH had full custody and they lived with him full time?

Snappedandfarted2019 · 07/03/2019 14:36

You got a funny attitude towards you’re step kids they are also your partners responsibility I bet he doesn’t even have them half the time! My ex had ds when I went on honeymoon, the same for when he went away on honeymoon, works both ways.

MachineBee · 07/03/2019 14:36

We took my new DHs DCs on our honeymoon. We had a lovely family holiday and I thought it would help them see me as part of the family.

Not a bit of it. Their DM has interfered in the DCs relationship with me, making it very difficult for them to like me and not be disloyal to their DM. Of course their DF could have helped put a stop to it much sooner but he ‘preferred to keep out of it’. He now realises how much damage that approach has caused. Very sad.

AnneLovesGilbert · 07/03/2019 14:47

I don’t understand. When it the honeymoon? We planned our wedding and honeymoon around the existing contact schedule. We picked them up, had the wedding (yes including over night) took them back a couple of days later and then went on our honeymoon, having already agreed she’d have them the following weekend. No drama.

We agree several months of dates at a time and then make plans around that.

What’s going on OP?

poppingoff · 07/03/2019 21:41

Am I right in thinking it’s bad taste to ask your ex husband to have the kids whilst you go on your honeymoon?

Fixed that for you.

Ginger1982 · 07/03/2019 23:14

What would you expect to happen to the kids if you were going on your honeymoon? 🙄

HeckyPeck · 08/03/2019 09:52

Being asked to have the kids whilst your ex goes on honeymoon - normal.

Going on honeymoon whilst owing you a load of money... that part would be annoying. Any chance someone else is paying for the honeymoon for them as a wedding gift? Or they’re asking for money as gifts to cover the cost?

I hate it when people owe me money then splash the cash around. It takes the right piss!

PoesyCherish · 13/03/2019 12:56

I think you need to separate out the two issues. And I think you should definitely have the DC whilst she goes on honeymoon. What would happen to the DC if you and your DP went on honeymoon?

10IAR · 13/03/2019 12:58

Why wouldn't she ask their dad to have them? It's the logical person to ask no?

It's not about that though is it, it's about them disrupting your plans.

Can't he find a babysitter for one night?

HollowTalk · 13/03/2019 13:00

We went on honeymoon and DH ex got her knickers in a twist as she felt we shouldnt be going as she hadnt had maintance for DSS since DH lung collapsed and she made a lot of drama about us going away and spending money (which we had saved for and paid for a year in advance) as she felt was unfair she wasnt getting her full maintance.
(she was backdated what we could afford when DH went back to work)

Can you not see that child support isn't something you should just withdraw like that? And why didn't you pay it all back? Would you say the same to HMRC?

PoesyCherish · 13/03/2019 13:02

Can you not see that child support isn't something you should just withdraw like that?

What on earth do you expect them to do? If the DC lived their full time and their Dad was off work the cloth would be cut accordingly. And by rights they don't have to pay back any of it so it was nice they paid back what they could afford. As for the HMRC comment, if you weren't working there wouldn't be any tax to pay so it's a rubbish analogy.

SherlockSays · 13/03/2019 13:04

Well, seeing as they're his children, he's not 'looking after them' he's caring for his children as he agreed to when he made them with the previous partner.

And yes, a honeymoon does take priority.

10IAR · 13/03/2019 13:09

And by rights they don't have to pay back any of it so it was nice they paid back what they could afford.

That's not true. Arrears are required to be repaid.

Not like a RP can say "you'll have to wait until a week on Tuesday for your dinner/new coat/school trip" is it?

PoesyCherish · 13/03/2019 13:11

Arrears are required to be repaid.

Yes but surely it doesn't count as arrears if he's not working?

10IAR · 13/03/2019 13:14

Sick pay? Savings (which OP says they used for a holiday over his child)?

They cannot have had no income at all, and chose to stop paying for his child.

Unless they're dead, there's no excuse for not paying. Even on a tiny income something is paid.

funinthesun19 · 13/03/2019 13:14

I think it’s ok as long as it would be ok the other way around. Only you know the answer to that one.

If not then no she can take them with her!

Wrybread · 13/03/2019 13:17

I got married this year and my ex had a commitment ceremony with his dp.

For info, my ex was EA to me and I try to have as little to do with him as possible.

We both took it in turns to have the dc whilst the other was on honeymoon. Why wouldn't we? It's better for the dc to spend that time with us rather than other people. The dc come first.

PoesyCherish · 13/03/2019 13:20

Sick pay? Savings (which OP says they used for a holiday over his child)?

They cannot have had no income at all, and chose to stop paying for his child.

Sick pay was probably used to cover the cost of household expenses and child related expenses in his own house. He'd be a rubbish father if he just cut contact if he couldn't afford it. His house is his priority not his ex's. Maybe the savings came from his DP. I sure as shit wouldn't be paying DH's maintenance from my own savings if he fell ill and I certainly wouldn't have been cancelling our honeymoon as we'd blooming well need it after him being so unwell. They didn't choose to stop paying for his DC. I'm sure they were clothed, fed, entertained etc at his house

dreichuplands · 13/03/2019 13:23

Well if they aren't his dc it is totally out of order.
If they are his dc then him looking after them is to be expected I would have thought.

10IAR · 13/03/2019 13:23

His house is his priority

Kind of my point.

He'd be a rubbish father if he just cut contact if he couldn't afford it

He's a rubbish father for not even attempting to pay anything.

I did pay my XH (while we were together) maintanance for his DD when he wasn't working. Why should she miss out?

Parents who think they can just stop being financially responsible for children who don't live with them aren't proper parents.

If you can afford holidays and spending sprees with savings, you can afford to feed and clothe your own damn kids!

adulthumanwolf · 13/03/2019 13:24

Where did all this additional info come from? Has a post been deleted or something?

PoesyCherish · 13/03/2019 13:30

Sorry OP for the derail. No @adulthumanwolf we're referring to what @cocodash said about her own honeymoon.

@10IAR your post makes no sense. If you agree his own house is his priority, that's exactly what he did by paying his own house and for the DC at his. He's not a crap father he was an ill father. It was your choice to pay for your XH's DC. It's not my problem if DH's ex wife can't afford things without me paying, it's not my responsibility to pay maintenance nor was it cocodash's.

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