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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Honeymoon etiquette...

97 replies

YYYYYiiiii · 07/03/2019 10:22

Am I right in thinking it’s bad taste to ask your ex husband to have your kids whilst you go on your honeymoon? Would you be unimpressed if your OH ex asked this especially when she owes your OH a substantial amount of money but has the money to get married and go on honeymoon?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

heidiwine · 07/03/2019 10:30

I’m going to caveat this by saying that I am a step parent and my DP and his ex don’t have a great relationship.
In these kind of situations the only thing that really matters is the children. When one parent is absent (for whatever reason) then the other parent (assuming no safeguarding concerns) should care for the children.
Who owes who money and who’s marrying who are different discussions altogether. So, in my opinion the way your OH should respond is:

of course I’d love to have the children while you are away please send me dates so that I can make plans

The money should be dealt with completely separately - it has nothing to do with whether or not he is the right person to care for his children while their other parent is unable to.

InMyBloodstainedSundaysBest · 07/03/2019 10:38

Unless they're not his kids I don't see why on earth this would be a problem?

As pp, the money is a separate issue.

BigusBumus · 07/03/2019 10:51

Why on earth would he say no - that would only be spiteful and nasty. They are his kids, he should have them whilst she's not around and vice-versa.

InsomniaTho · 07/03/2019 10:55

Maybe she isn’t paying for the wedding?

I’d have my DC for my ex and he’d have them for me. Because they’re our children.

LazyLizzy · 07/03/2019 10:58

You are wrong. He should mind his kids if their mum is going away.

Likewise I imagine their mum has them if you and DH go on holiday.

EntirelyAnonymised · 07/03/2019 11:03

Are the children his?

Why wouldn’t he have them?

I’d probably be pissed off re the money but agree it’s a different issue.

CanILeavenowplease · 07/03/2019 11:05

The usual rule on here is that mum should look after the kids while the ex goes on honeymoon with his new wife so I'm not sure why it shouldn't also work the other way round?

cocodash · 07/03/2019 11:06

when me and DH got married and went on honeymoon last april he wasnt working due to recovering from a collapsed lung. (lung collapsed about 4 months before wedding and as he is in a pyhsically demanding job role he had to take 6 months off - also is SE so no proper sick pay)

We went on honeymoon and DH ex got her knickers in a twist as she felt we shouldnt be going as she hadnt had maintance for DSS since DH lung collapsed and she made a lot of drama about us going away and spending money (which we had saved for and paid for a year in advance) as she felt was unfair she wasnt getting her full maintance.
(she was backdated what we could afford when DH went back to work)

it just made her out to be bitter.

dont be that person. wish them well.
sort out the money seperatly

Karigan195 · 07/03/2019 11:07

I not only had our son whist he went on honeymoon but also arranged to drop DS at the wedding and pick him up so exp did not need to worry about it on his wedding day.

If your OH ex is away for any reason the other parent should be asked first about childcare.

You should try to get on for the kids sake. You should try to treat each other as you would want to be treated.

As for the money that’s a completely different issue and kids should never be used as weapons in disputes over money.

AnneLovesGilbert · 07/03/2019 11:16

Why is he lending her money?

That aside, of course he should have his DC when their mum is away. Who else would he prefer they went to? DH ex had theirs when we were on honeymoon, we had them when she had holidays with her bf. They loathe each other but they’re equal parents and are the default people when one is away or has something on.

Original poster

YYYYYiiiii · 07/03/2019 11:20

There is a little more to it as I have something planned for a significant birthday that week which means we wouldn’t be able to do that and her honeymoon seems to take priority.

OP posts:

zzzzz · 07/03/2019 11:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

myrtleWilson · 07/03/2019 11:24

I think her honeymoon does take priority (unless you are going to drip feed they got married 2 years ago and only honemooning now to coincide with your birthday plans)

Drum2018 · 07/03/2019 11:29

YABU. If your are planning a significant birthday is it for someone on your side of the family? If it's for you or your partner or his family then his children should surely be part of it anyway. I'm sure ex has her wedding planned for a while and you'd have known she was likely to be going on honeymoon. It's only right then that dad would have them during that time - or would you suggest she brings the kids on honeymoon?

CostanzaG · 07/03/2019 11:34

Who else is supposed to look after them??

stealthmode · 07/03/2019 11:57

Seriously? Who else would I ask initially to have my DC if I remarried aside from their father? Are you kidding me?

No it’s not taking the proverbial. And for the children, there’s probably (most importantly) nowhere else they want to be from an emotional perspective. A parent remarrying may be a happy occasion but it will also be tinged with sadness that mummy and daddy are ‘really’ over.

I know my DC would only want to be with my ExH who can support them and be there for them

Onestep2 · 07/03/2019 12:15

sorry but YABU and sound a bit bitter if not jelous.

a honeymoon trumps birthday any day of the week.

just rearrange your birthday plans until after her honeymoon and move on. live is too short to be annoyed about these things.

Thisisnotadrill · 07/03/2019 13:57

I didn’t even bother asking as I knew the answer would be no.

We also had our DSDs on our wedding night and had to deliver them home the day after our wedding

Thisisnotadrill · 07/03/2019 13:58

My mum came and stayed with my kids.

ColeHawlins · 07/03/2019 14:05

Can't see any problem with this at all TBH.

Generally speaking you don't take children on honeymoon unless you can help it.

Who better to have D.C. while one parent is on holiday than the other parent?

shedougahole · 07/03/2019 14:07

YABU, her honeymoon is much more important than a birthday, and as long as they’re his children he should take them

ILoveMaxiBondi · 07/03/2019 14:09

Surely their other parent is the first person you would ask to have them? Why wouldnt she?

My ex didn’t even ask me to have our children while he went on honeymoon. He just didn’t turn up for them.

TheInvestigator · 07/03/2019 14:11

Her honeymoon isn't the priority. His children are.

You and he can, I assume, book holidays or go out for dinner or do whatever you want during all the time he doesn't have his kids because he's a part time dad. But their mum can't make plans, go out for dinner or go on holiday whenever she wants because she's the main parent so always has the kids.

She is entitled to a holiday as much as you are and when she is not here, his kids are his first responsibility.

Easterbunnyiscomingsoon · 07/03/2019 14:13

If the honeymoon is on her time she needs sort the dc.
If it was your honeymoon on your week end would she have them? Doubt it.

TheInvestigator · 07/03/2019 14:18

What sort of parent would leave their kids to be ferried around granparents, babysitters and friends because the holiday is "during the other parents time so it's not my job".

You wouldn't leave your kids to be sent from pillar to post when you could just have them with you and get to spend an extra week with them.

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