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Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Step-parenting

My 18 year old headbutted my OH and he chucked him out

202 replies

Spudsey · 08/02/2019 12:12

My 18 year old son was sick in his sleep all over the bedroom floor, after drinking excessively. My OH asked him to clear it up, the situation escalated and my son headbutted him. My other half then told him to leave the house. I was in work when all this happened.
My son knows he was out of order and is willing to apologise. My other half says he’s not welcome in our home unless the apology is good enough. I’m stuck in the middle. My partner and I are hardly speaking.

OP posts:

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pinkyredrose · 08/02/2019 12:38

Your son is disgusting, might be best if he stays away for a few days.

MorrisZapp · 08/02/2019 12:40

My eight year old ds accidentally head butted me last week. The pain was indescribable and my nose is still tender a week later. At least its not broken, which I was frightened it would be.

Bluntness100 · 08/02/2019 12:43

I wonder if the genders were reversed op how you'd feel? If it was his mother he had head butted.

Is your partner his father?

BIgBagofJelly · 08/02/2019 12:47

I do think you need to get to the bottom of how the situation managed to escalate so badly. Is there a power struggle between OH and DS? Is there relationship generally bad?

KateAdiesEarrings · 08/02/2019 12:47

Where is your son? Was he still drunk when all of this happened and your OH put him out?
I don't agree that putting someone out of their house is an adequate response or punishment. My DF constantly put his DCs out of the house or threatened it. It's a horribly insecure way to live so it's not something I would ever support (although I accept I'm in the minority about this on this thread).

Smallhorse · 08/02/2019 12:50

He is YOUR son.
Your dp has no right to make those kinds of decisions.

Fairenuff · 08/02/2019 12:51

He should have called the police, they would have given him a bed for the night. Disgusting behaviour, I would be ashamed of my son.

BrokenWing · 08/02/2019 12:53

My other half says he’s not welcome in our home unless the apology is good enough.

I don't see where you are stuck. Your ds need to apologise profusely including convincing your OH he will not be physically assaulted in his own home again. Your ds needs to understand he is lucky he wasn't reported to the police for assault and be very grateful for that.

If you ds doesn't want to apologise for assaulting your oh then that is his choice and he can live elsewhere.

Unless you are going to drip feed your oh was physical with him first?

BrokenWing · 08/02/2019 12:55

Your dp has no right to make those kinds of decisions.

If it is the dp home (owner or tenancy) he has every right to ask someone who has assaulted him to leave either temporarily or permanently.

icannotremember · 08/02/2019 12:57

He is YOUR son.
Your dp has no right to make those kinds of decisions.

If op had posted to say her dp's drunken adult son had headbutted her and she did not want the son back in her home, would you say "he is HIS son. You have no right to make those kinds of decisions."? I seriously doubt it.

Your son is lucky that your op hasn't called the police and reported the assault. Your op says "he’s not welcome in our home unless the apology is good enough". Where's the problem? Don't you think your son's apology for drunkenly assaulting your op should be a bloody good one?

KateAdiesEarrings · 08/02/2019 12:57

Perhaps the OH didn't call the police because he was involved in 'escalating the situation' to a physical altercation?

icannotremember · 08/02/2019 12:58

Sorry, meant 'your dp' every time I used 'your op'

HoraceCope · 08/02/2019 12:59

Is this the first altercation they have had?

popcornwizard · 08/02/2019 12:59

Only you know the backstory.

HoraceCope · 08/02/2019 12:59

assuming he was very drunk when he headbutted your partner, he should be forgiven

Fairenuff · 08/02/2019 13:00

Perhaps the OH didn't call the police because he was involved in 'escalating the situation' to a physical altercation?

This sounds like a domestic violence apologist.

icannotremember · 08/02/2019 13:00

Perhaps the OH didn't call the police because he was involved in 'escalating the situation' to a physical altercation?

My OH asked him to clear it up, the situation escalated and my son headbutted him

Ah, right. So, we have an adult who was drunk, had vomited over the floor and been asked to clean it up, and who is described as headbutting the other adult. And you think it must be the other adult who escalated the situation? Ohhhhhkaaaaaaay.

HoraceCope · 08/02/2019 13:00

where would your ds go?

HoraceCope · 08/02/2019 13:01

he should leave on a temporary basis imo

Fairenuff · 08/02/2019 13:01

assuming he was very drunk when he headbutted your partner, he should be forgiven

So does this. What is with all the victim blaming?

HoraceCope · 08/02/2019 13:02

are you ok op?

Puddington · 08/02/2019 13:03

assuming he was very drunk when he headbutted your partner, he should be forgiven
Is this for real? Do you also go around DV threads telling battered people that provided their partners were wasted when they beat them it's fine and things should just go on as normal? The mind boggles.

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icannotremember · 08/02/2019 13:03

assuming he was very drunk when he headbutted your partner, he should be forgiven

What the actual fuck is wrong with you people? No wonder perpetrators of violence and abuse get away with it over and over and over. It's ok to headbutt people when you're drunk, it's ok to headbutt people if they've 'escalated the situation', it's not acceptable to insist that someone who has headbutted you leaves your house... I despair at some of you, I really do.

HoraceCope · 08/02/2019 13:05

imo, he is 18, he is the op's ds, he was out of control drunk - what is the alternative? chuck him out?
for a day i think but long term no

HoraceCope · 08/02/2019 13:06

you would call the police on your own ds?
for real
?

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