My 18 year old headbutted my OH and he chucked him out

[Spudsey]

My 18 year old son was sick in his sleep all over the bedroom floor, after drinking excessively. My OH asked him to clear it up, the situation escalated and my son headbutted him. My other half then told him to leave the house. I was in work when all this happened.
My son knows he was out of order and is willing to apologise. My other half says he’s not welcome in our home unless the apology is good enough. I’m stuck in the middle. My partner and I are hardly speaking.

[Bananasinpyjamas11]

Yes is he in the street?

What’s happened?

[Smotheroffive]

Has your DS been allowed home yet? Or is he homeless and on the street now? What's your DS relationship normally like before this happened? @spudsey

A lot of teens over-drink and vomit its not a hanging offence! If he's still drunk at the time its not the time to kick him out.

[Bananasinpyjamas11]

I honestly don’t know enough - the bit between escalation and head butt is very key and past history too.

However if I were you OP, I’d be thinking of a lot of things, not whether your DS can come home or not. This incident screams SERIOUS on many levels and it those things I’d focus on:

• vomiting in sleep. Very dangerous. How does this happen?
  
• being out when your DS is clearly not in control. Even though he’s 18, he’s not responsible yet is he.
  
• head butting. This is criminal. He’s assaulted your husband. He acted very violently.
  
• escalation - what happened?
  

I’d be getting the support of a professional in your case. Don’t try and sort it yourself with an apology. I don’t know who would be best, but start somewhere. Your son needs intervention, professional intervention. Your household dynamics might need this too.

[Oliversmumsarmy]

Actually very nicely because they have learned to take plates back to the kitchen and keep their room clean and tidy.

They know they can’t just leave it to me to clear because I am not that safety net.

[Kione]

Oliversmumsarmy

Guiding my kids to keep a clean environment doesn't mean i clean after them. Of course you can have it both ways, kids don't grow into adults overnight! And even if they were adults and living in my house, I would not just close the door if I see dirty and mouldy stuff. Jeez how are your kids going to leave rented property or hotels?

[HeckyPeck]

It’s ridiculous how people are bending over backwards to excuse an 18 year old assaulting someone.

The man has already said he’ll apologise for the assault, so I have no idea why your so desperate to blame the victim when the attacker is clearly taking the blame.

Other than the fact that the victim is also a man.

[HeckyPeck]

Why are you in the middle? Two adults have had an argument. One attacked the other one and was then asked to leave. The attacker wants to apologise to the victim and the victim wants a good enough apology. They are adults so should be able to work this out themselves.

Agree with this. Surely your son can just give a heartfelt apology and look into some anger management therapy to stop this happening again and it will be resolved?

If he doesn’t do something next time it might be someone who does report him to the police.

And to PPs saying maybe he annoying him. So bloody what? What if a bouncer annoys him saying he’s too drunk to come into the bar? Or a Police Officer telling him to go home? Or a woman in a bar shouts at him for spilling his drink? People are annoying. You can just headbutt them!

[Smotheroffive]

Indeed. OPs not telling only some escalation

[Aridane]

Eh? How did it escalate to a violent assault on an adult male?

[Smotheroffive]

I could see that coming, the bit that we needed for an informed decision was missing, and minimised.

I think a pp hit the nail on the head, as it were.

Sometimes you can only bully/abuse kids (now adults) so far. Hopefully D's has left to found a decent home to live in. Has noone had their teen come home and vomit (slight exaggeration there vomit everywhere ) ? How does it escalate to OP losing her voice over her own DS?

[JenniferJareau]

Well OP has clearly abandoned this thread, either a troll or didn't like the answers. No way to gain more information.

[GabsAlot]

i threw a plate once hit a wall whilst i was arguing with my dm-didnt hit her or anywhere near her but i wa rightly immediately thrown out

we did resolve it i was completely wrong-noone was stuck in the middle-if id headbutted someone theyd prob never let me back and rightly so its digusting

[Jaspermcsween]

None of us, including op know what actually took place.

[Aridane]

Exactly, jennifer!

[JenniferJareau]

Life is not black and white. Not in my experience. If people's lives are such that they can give such easy judgements they are very lucky but perhaps they should just hold back and consider that for a lot of people that isn't the case.

Maybe you should consider that most people have lines that, once crossed, that's it. Violence can be one of them.

[Ruru8thestars]

Update Op?

[Smotheroffive]

The apology needs to be good enough...eeeurgh!

[Smotheroffive]

It doesn't sound one-sided, it sounds like two men fighting tbh, the escalation situation has been minimised hugely by OP

[Smotheroffive]

it escalated is far to little information when asking for informed responses.

Your dds out of nowhere just up and headbutted his df? Or not his df, but your dds, not oh ds?

Do they have previous for butting heads (metaphorically)?

Explain the escalation.

[SophiaLovesSummer]

@Springwalk Eh? Nowhere did I in any way 'minimise' it - are you sure you're not confusing my post with someone elses?

I was explicit that headbutting is one of the worst forms of violence, that OP's DS should be reported, how the hell is that minimising anything?

The only thing I can think of is that you were confused by my saying I wish posters didn't post shit they don't know about - IE headbutting per se is not the driver of the charge yet a poster was saying it's 'serious XYZ offence'. My only point of clarity on that was to say they were mistaken vis that as it's injury that drives the level of offence charged with. IE one headbutt could result in an assault charge and another in a GBH charge and yet another in a manslaughter charge.

I resent being told I was 'minimising' this, literally every word of my posts says the very opposite. I was explicit about the level of dealing with this needs, ditto that if not reported/no consequences he will almost certainly reoffend. How is that minimising?? Bonkers, fucking bonkers.

@PolarBearDisguisedAsAPenguin appreciate you pointing the fucking obvious out clarifying the words I wrote were pretty damn clear!

[Jaspermcsween]

My main thought is there is NO circumstance under which my DP would be allowed to turf MY son out

None at all? What if he beat you up?



Yup, I agree. No circumstances under which my DP would be allowed to turf MY son out.

If he beat me up I’d turf him out myself. It would not be up to the non parent

[Jaspermcsween]

herondaleducks
My main thought is there is NO circumstance under which my DP would be allowed to turf MY son out

“But it's ok for your son to assault your partner? Because it is at the very least common assault here.’



Eh? Nowhere did anyone suggest it’s ok for the son to assault the partner.
But I don’t see how the partner gets to kick the (not his) son out.
That decision is for OP

[lunar1]

I think your partner is being extremely forgiving saying he would allow him back after a genuine apology. Perhaps too forgiving to be honest. I wouldn't live with someone who could turn so violent.

[Jux]

Plato advocated punishing drunken bad behaviur twice, once for the bad behaviour anonce for being drunk enough to think it wa OK to perform the act.

I'd quite like to see that nowadays.

[PolarBearDisguisedAsAPenguin]

@Springwalk SophiaLovesSummer’s post at 15:02 does not in any way minimise the event.