Boyfriends sons mother being awful

[Babymamadrama24]

So here’s the situation,

My partner and I have been best friends for over 2 years, and together for just over 6 months. He has a 10 year old son from a previous relationship, that ended a couple months before we got together.
My partner and I are in the process of moving in together, but his ex and the mother of his child is refusing to let me meet his son.
Not only is she letting me not meet his son, but she’s stalking my social media, putting posts up about me and being really nasty and personal on her social media about me and her ex.
Boyfriends son [redacted] now knows about me because my boyfriend told him as he was the only one who didn’t know!
He was so happy for his dad, and straight away was asking to meet me - but he’s not allowed as his mum has said no!
My boyfriend has 50/50 custody - and in fact has [redacted] more than the mother - and the mother has had a parade of men in the 8 months they have been broken up - all of whom have met [redacted]!!!
Every time my boyfriend brings up me meeting him, or saying it’s going to happen she threatens to take him to court or stop access!!’

I don’t know how we can fix this, and how to stop her doing it.
I’m also 3 months pregnant, and the stress of not being able to meet the other most important person in my boyfriends life is unbearable!!
Should I reach out to her? She is refusing to meet me, and has called me so many horrible names and made judgments about myself and my family!

*This post was edited by MNHQ

Just a heads up OP, only part of your post appears to have been redacted to remove names. I can still see a childs name on there in the paragraph relating to 50/50 custody.

Boyfriends sons name isn’t called Harry - just to clear up some comments.
Also, I’m definitely not other woman. Boyfriends ex was actually having an affair for 3 years behind his back - which his son knows about and what she asked the son to hide up. (He didn’t, hence the break up)
There was no need for me to meet boyfriends son before our relationship, as we were work best friends, and just went out for drinks or chatted over text! Only met his ex twice during that time in passing.
We know getting pregnant was irresponsible, but hey ho. Stuff happens. Can’t change it and don’t want to change it.
Some of the advice is great, thanks!

Don't reach out to her. That will not end well
Block her on social media. Rise above all the personal attacks.
Does she know you're pregnant?
But most of all, put yourself in the boy's shoes. He must be in an emotional turmoil. His knowledge about mother's affair. The regular and random boyfriends. His parents splitting. His father's new relationship. Having 2 homes.
What the boy needs now is a period of stability. Of no more surprises. Of no more changes to his life.
I think you're going to have to back off for the time being. Ideally you'd not have to tell him about the pregnancy, but I don't know whether that would be a good or a bad thing in the bigger scheme of things.
What a mess. Poor boy.

It's actually really sad. My older sibling was forced to keep quiet about a parental affair when he was a similar age and it has damaged him so badly. Your partner should have been providing support and stability to his son in the aftermath of the relationship breakdown and the mother's poor behaviour. Instead he's brought even more turmoil and instability to his child's life.

I doubt many 10 year old boys are pleased their fathers have girlfriends, and even fewer are pleased about their fathers having a baby

Northernparent68 ,
my ex had a 10 y old son who was dreaming to have a little brother. My own son, who was about 8-9 was dreaming to have a sibling, so you're wrong in your assumptions. So yes, it's possible. Many only children dream about having a sibling and I would guess that boys are a bit less jealous and manipulative than girls.

Ignoring all the deeply unhelpful comments about OW and why are you pregnant (really? What would you have the OP do?) there are steps you can take.

1. anything that you can get Re evidence of her social media harassment, get it and keep it. It’s evidence and even if you were one of 10 women he was cheating with (don’t worry I saw that she had the affair), it is still wholly unacceptable that she is publicly posting about you.
2. block her everywhere (having first screenshotted all you have)
3. under no circumstances have any contact with her, that could inflame the situation
4. is the 50% / 50% arrangement court ordered? If it’s not, potentially start looking at what steps are needed to put something ‘official’ in place
5. she cannot dictate what your DP does with his Dc in his time, nor can she dictate who he does/ doesn’t meet. It doesn’t work that way.
6. putting the child first, figure out how you navigate this. Because the reality is, he now has a half sibling on the way and irrespective of what everyone says, when this baby arrives there is nothing anyone can do.

If contact isn’t court ordered, look at steps of getting it. Because be prepared that if you do get introduced she could well stop contact in its entirety without there being a court order in place.

I do think you’ve moved incredibly fast here OP. I would have loved a baby with my DP but I looked that the DC we had, their needs and just knew it wasn’t the best thing for our children. You need to understand that for all his excitement, this may be something that he may (or may not) struggle with.

The mum has no control of who her son meets on his dad's time with him.

Any time an OP us questioned on whether she was the OW... it subsequently turns out his Ex was having an affair.

Go TooSassy, voice of reason! Agree with everything there.
And albeit not in the planning: congrats on getting pregnant OP - especially with someone you love, its not for everyone so enjoy it. Hope you work it out with the mother who seems to hold a grudge (and might well redirecting blame on you for her own misery and unsuccessful dating life).

Another poor child let down by the ‘adults’ in his life. Being used like some sort of possession fought over to satisfy their own agendas. Some people should never have children; they just don’t have the maturity to be able to put their own ‘wants’ to the side and focus on the needs of the child.

OP, ignore all the catty and judgmental stuff on here, it's probably more to do with their own issues than anything about you.

Agree you need to protect yourself from this woman's attacks, do block her on social media and take evidence of anything that continues.

I agree that you need to back off trying to forge positive connections with this woman - her behavior is awful and it sounds like she is prepared to use her some as collateral, which is a horrible shame. Think of what is least upsetting for the boy. It's less damaging for the boy at the moment to keep things stable for him and not bring you into the picture yet, although whether the mother provides any kind of stable background for him we don't know.

Where is your DH in all this? He needs to step up. You are pregnant and vulnerable. Let him manage his ex for a while. Let him take some responsibility.

Best wishes to you and hope you can work through it all to some positive outcomes eventually - it doesn't sound like the easiest of situations but as you say, things do happen, and I hope you manage to stay strong with it.

They both entertain good relatiosnhips with their exes for the sake of the children - and somewhere in that mix are two innocent people who have to swallow their pride, take thier hurt, bury it down for their children.

They do it but seriously do not justify the actions of two total twunts who had affairs -their actions are despicable.They may be together in 10 yrs time but that does not in anyway justify their actions at the time.

You have no knowledge of the effect on the innocent partners and how their lives have panned out.

As to the OP - honesty is usually the best policy with 10 yr olds - but then your posts are so full of lies I am not sure you would know truth from reality. Sadly the mother can do nothing to stop you meeting her son and protect him form the fact that he also has to deal with a new baby, Dad distracted and a mum who by the sounds of things is struggling too.

@SandyY2K

Any time an OP us questioned on whether she was the OW... it subsequently turns out his Ex was having an affair

So true! There's always a convenient affair drip feed to gain the moral upper hand!