AIBU - half the holidays should mean in one go

[JoroL]

Background first
Dsd is 9
We have residence.
There is a visitation agreement in place endorsed by the courts.
The order says all big holidays are split 50/50 but does not specify how.
This year was dsd's Christmas with her mother.
The problem is Mother couldn't sort her schedule out to have a week in one go so has split her time up.
It feels like we've had no time with our little one over the break.
We had 24th with a late drop off.
Then 9-6 on Boxing Day cos Mother was working (which apparently was one of our days).
Then returned late on the 29th because Mother was working on the 30th.
Mother is picking up tonight and returning Friday because she reckons she is still owed 2 days even though this week should be our week.

Is it unreasonable next time to say pick your week, if your working you lose the day cos it's made planning anything and getting Dsd to see her friends and other family members really difficult.

You do everything you can because maintaining that relationship with mum is what is in your DSDs best interests. NRP come out with all sorts of shit in front of judges and never follow through. Par for the course.

What strikes me as really strange here is how you’re talking about you, singular, with no mention of your DP, thr childs father. I appreciate he is in a wheelchair and can’t drive, but you make no mention of him speaking to his ex or, more odd, his opinions on this or any interactions he has with his DSD. It does sound like you’re the only one doing any meaningful parenting of any sort, which I’m hoping for your DSD’s sake is due to the way your posts are slanted rather then reality.

Then you haven’t read the thread, ThisWayDown as OP has indeed explained why the communication goes through her.

She has MissMalice but you’ve clearly missed that my main point main point Was that the DP’s voice seems completely missing in this. The OP hasn’t said what he thinks about this division of time over Christmas.

And maybe that’s because this is the OPs space to vent about her take on a stressful situation.

And maybe it’s because the OP genuinely sees it as her doing all the parenting including all the emotional work and planning.

I’ll be frank: I’m sceptical that the court said that all communication had to go through the OP, especially when the mother is apparently not courteous to the OP. That sounds a surprising and unusual decision.

I'm also surprised that if the mum is such a 'neglectful Mother' (as the OP continually points out, and who can't even provide pyjamas apparently) , why the Court are allowing her to have her dd half the holidays and regular visitation.
Surely, they'd give full custody to the father and only allow the mum restricted or supervised access if she is as unfit as OP claims?

It would depend on the parents jobs but the family court in France would expect it to be first held second half. You've just been used as free job cover.

Surely, they'd give full custody to the father and only allow the mum restricted or supervised access if she is as unfit as OP claims?

Unfortunately not. I’ve worked with people who’s partners have tried to kill them, even in some cases in front of the child, who have then been granted unsupervised access.

Hecky
I see your point, the Courts do sometimes allow unfit parents access to their children.

If that's the case here though, why is the OP being so accommodating by doing all the driving?
IF the mum is unfit, (and I'm unsure of that anyway) why doesn't the OP make it difficult for the mum to see her dd by making sure that if mum wants acess then she has to organise transport?, in the hope the 'unfit" mum might not bother so much.

You do everything you can because maintaining that relationship with mum is what is in your DSDs best interests.

No it's not. It's up to the mother to do everything she can to maintain contact with her child. If she can't be bothered the child is better off without such a toxic person in their lives. Some mothers are unhinged and should have never had children. They hurt and damage their children and contact with them is not in childs best interest.