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[MummyinNeed94]

Bit of a random post.
I’m in a bit of a sticky situation,
Basically back last year I experienced some very bad domestic violence, the man got sentenced to 2 years prison time and a life time restraining order. This resulted in my daughters dad (also a control freak) putting in a court order that I need his written permission for my daughter to meet a new partner, at the time I was ok with it. Didn’t think I’d ever get into another relationship,
Boy was I wrong,
I’ve met the most amazing loving man, we’ve been going out about 7-8 months, I didn’t plan on meeting anyone we was old friends from school and I bumped into him on a night out and things went from there.
Obviously he hasn’t met my daughter yet and I wasn’t in no rush for him to meet her,
But now here’s the problem, I’ve just found out I’m pregnant, not god timing I know but it’s happened, so now I’m stuck.
I need my daughters dad to agree for my my daughter to meet my new partner so that they can have some sort of bound before I tel her that she’s going to have a brother or sister. Obviously I’m going to have to move in with my new partner and I can’t do that without my daughter. I don’t want to start a family and make my daughter feel left out. What can I do? She is my priority just things are so difficult because her dad won’t allow it, he loves the fact he has this hold over me and controls everything I do, he has lied to social services and the courts before now because things wasn’t going his way. I’m just so head fried I don’t know what to do now

I think OP is showing very clear signs that she is still in a poor decision making state of mind.

Honestly Op, I think having this baby is just about the worst thing you could do right now. You can make better decisions. You don’t have to be stuck with this situation.

Your right Basil.

I think she has to talk to her ex and just be honest. What alternative is there? She can’t just mention she has a new guy without mentioning the baby as later on he will work out the dates and feel cross you didn’t tell him.

I think trying to identify a mural third party who can support and be the voice of reason is the best bet

I have a very strong feeling that your ex will, and quite possibly should get the residency firmed up in his favour.

Rushing a new partner and sibling on your daughter won't be seen by SS or the court as good decision making.

Just realised as well, won't SS be interested in the new child?

i would have a termination.

having a baby at this stage would be the worst idea imaginable. if you expect people to believe that there isn't more to you losing custody of your dd youare delusional.

if i were your ex i would be pushing for supervised access only tbh.

My priority has always been to get custody back, I've had to work so hard to get where I am now. I didn't choose to stay with violent partner putting my daughter at any risk. She never met him, I only seen him when she was up her dads 3 nights a week, and people in dv relationships know you can't just get up and leave, your stuck and your scared, I tried to leave time after time but it made things worse, my DD never met the man so she was at no risk and wasn't effected in anyway, she never seen or heard of him, and she still don't now, yes I left him and a year later I've met someone else yes we haven't been together long and I'm aware they are all nice at first, but doing the freedom program and other courses and support groups really opens my eyes and made me aware of what to look out for. And also made me a lot stronger than I was back then. And it's fair to say I will never ever put up with or be a victim of domestic violence again, first signs of any dominator or perpetrator and I will leave, I won't put myself or my DD through that,

I was on contraception up until now, I was being cautious but these things happen. It wasn't planned or arranged it just happened, I got pregnant!

I will always put my babies first,
That is why last year I spent months in court in the bad emotional state I was in, maybe I wasn't mentally stable then but like I said I'm better and stronger than ever now,

I was simply asking what I should do because as you can imagine my heads in the shed,
I'm going back to court,
I'm taking social services to court also(that's a different matter)
And I'm still fighting with DD dad,
I've met a new man who makes me happy and treats me 100% better than the last 2
I just want my baby back and be happy that's all and that is and always will be my main priority

My priority has always been to get custody back, I've had to work so hard to get where I am now. I didn't choose to stay with violent partner putting my daughter at any risk. She never met him, I only seen him when she was up her dads 3 nights a week, and people in dv relationships know you can't just get up and leave, your stuck and your scared, I tried to leave time after time but it made things worse, my DD never met the man so she was at no risk and wasn't effected in anyway, she never seen or heard of him, and she still don't now, yes I left him and a year later I've met someone else yes we haven't been together long and I'm aware they are all nice at first, but doing the freedom program and other courses and support groups really opens my eyes and made me aware of what to look out for. And also made me a lot stronger than I was back then. And it's fair to say I will never ever put up with or be a victim of domestic violence again, first signs of any dominator or perpetrator and I will leave, I won't put myself or my DD through that,

I was on contraception up until now, I was being cautious but these things happen. It wasn't planned or arranged it just happened, I got pregnant!

I will always put my babies first,
That is why last year I spent months in court in the bad emotional state I was in, maybe I wasn't mentally stable then but like I said I'm better and stronger than ever now,

I was simply asking what I should do because as you can imagine my heads in the shed,
I'm going back to court,
I'm taking social services to court also(that's a different matter)
And I'm still fighting with DD dad,
I've met a new man who makes me happy and treats me 100% better than the last 2
I just want my baby back and be happy that's all and that is and always will be my main priority

Does the freedom program not teach you to take your time, tread carefully, not make hasty decisions due to pressure?

It doesn't matter that your dd didn't know your ex, she knew you, she saw the changes in you, ss got involved and she moved primary residence.

You are minimising everything your child experienced and are taking a risk with the stability of her future.

It’s none of my business and irrelevant to your thread but if your DD never met your ex and doesn’t know what happened why does she think she moved to live with her father?

Exactly Lunar.

I will be surprised if you have primary custody transfered back to you.

You are taking legal action against social services? Why? Because they protected your child?

You will only be posting a small amount of information on this thread but that alone is enough to assume you are not in a place to have full custody of your child.
Your child needs stability and that is something you cannot provide you have left one mess and are now in another no thought to the welfare of your daughter whatsoever.

No thought to the welfare of my child??? Why do you think I wrote this post? Because I'm trying to do what's best for her and try to get advice,

You honestly don't know the full story I don't know why I bother,
No I'm not minimising nothing.
SS got involved because of her dad,
I won full custody, I had full custody until after I left my violent partner, after the incident happened that is when they said for her to live with her dad for safety, that is all, not because I wasn't able to look after her,
Not because of anything I done
Because of my violent ex,
He's now out of the picture so this is why I'm going back to court to get it changed
I haven't done nothing wrong
How can you say that I am not able to have residency of my child? What give any of you the right to say this,
You think I asked for all this?
I've had to work 60-90 hours a week in a hard challenging job plus do courses about domestic violence and the effects on children, I look after my mum who is riddled with cancer and been in a coma and gone down to 5st4, and be a mum,
I have lost my daughter and I still haven't lost hope I'm still full of fight,
I'm not gunna give up on getting my daughter back.
And if I've met a man that makes me happy what's wrong with that?? Everyone deserves happiness, I've been unhappy for to long and now I'm fighting for my daughter back and moving in with my life so I can have my happy ever after

Yes was quick but I didn't ask or plan to meet him, I was cautious and was on contraception

These things happen, and my princess will always be my princess and my best friend and she deserves happiness too and I'm gunna make sure she gets it

well, clearly your dd isn't a priority if you’ve got pregnant by the first man who came along.

And no, i don’t believe contraceptive failures are that common, most are down to user error.

Is there a chance SS will be involved/seeking to remove this child as well? Am guessing you don’t have overnights with your dd as it is?

I've had to work 60-90 hours a week in a hard challenging job plus do courses about domestic violence and the effects on children, I look after my mum who is riddled with cancer and been in a coma and gone down to 5st4, and be a mum,
I have lost my daughter

Sounds like a baby is just what you need.

Seriously OP, it’s within your control to make smarter choices. Having a baby, right now isn’t what you need. It isn’t what your daughter need either.

No ss won't be involved because it wasn't my fault, was my ex's fault they just wanted to make sure she was safe

And of course my DD stays over night, but only 3 nights and I have her for 5 full days

Wasn't a user error I had new medication that cancelled out my contraception when I was ill

I know having a baby isn't what I need,
I did t ask to get pregnant. I was on the implant and taking the pill at the same time.
I am fully aware that it's not right timing this is why I've wrote this post,

I don't agree with aborting
I'm pregnant that's that.

I know it's to soon and I know I'm not in the situation to have a baby but it's done.
I'm just gunna go to court get my baby back and go from there

I know having a baby isn't what I need,
I did t ask to get pregnant. I was on the implant and taking the pill at the same time.
I am fully aware that it's not right timing this is why I've wrote this post,

I don't agree with aborting
I'm pregnant that's that.

I know it's to soon and I know I'm not in the situation to have a baby but it's done.
I'm just gunna go to court get my baby back and go from there

You were on the pill and the implant? why?

Wasn't a user error I had new medication that cancelled out my contraception when I was ill that’s user error then as medication would have indicated it was contra-indicated with contraception.
If you cared about your dd at all you wouldn’t have another baby at this stage.

You were on the pill and the implant?  why?

Because the implant made me bleed for 10 months so they put me on the pill to give me a break x

Of course I care about my daughter she's my world.

It wasn't planned, complete shock to me but this is why I wrote this post in the first place

Implant and the pill and you miraculously fell pregnant?

I hope that when you return to court the judge presiding over the case sees how unsuitable and chaotic your situation is and concludes that your daughter is better off in a stable environment where men don’t come and go. Her father should have primary custody. Bringing your daughter into a environment where you have a new partner and a baby on the way is to confusing and unsettling.

I've had to work 60-90 hours a week in a hard challenging job plus do courses about domestic violence and the effects on children, I look after my mum who is riddled with cancer and been in a coma and gone down to 5st4, and be a mum

How could you possibly raise two children whilst doing all of that? Would you expect your current partner, who you barely know from Adam, to help you with both of your children? Or would your DD be with her father the majority of the time anyway if you work up to 90hrs per week?

Sorry, I still don't buy the story about your DD having to go and stay with her dad because of a violent partner she never met? Where was the risk to her? Notwithstanding that you obviously decided to prioritise the ex at that time over your DD. She wouldn't have just been with you one day and gone the next without a process being completed.

Anyway, here you are pregnant by a man you've known less than a year...you don't believe in abortion? Then you should definitely have been more careful. Bringing another child into another new relationship just smacks of more bad judgement to me.

Sorry, I know that's not what you want to hear.

Do GPs regularly prescribe the pill and implant to be used at the same time??

Look I know you really just want this baby. Your daughter has been taken away and it would be really lovely to have a new baby to keep at home and fill that gap. I’m not buying for a second that this pregnancy was unplanned or that it’s your “only chance” to ever have a baby. I think you just want to fill a hole that’s been left in your life. I think you need to be honest with yourself and be fair to not only your daughter but to this potential baby. Now isn’t the time to be having a new baby. And tbh, even if it was your only chance to ever have a baby, that actually isn’t a good enough reason to have one in your circumstances. You already have a baby you aren’t living with. Future babies shouldn’t even be a concern. Not while you have one you aren’t raising. Get your life stabilised, get all your court cases done and dusted, get your daughter back and regain a level of normality, then if wonderful guy is still on the scene, marry him and have his baby. If he isn’t, well what a good thing you didn’t have his baby then eh?? Meet someone else, get to know them and create a life. When everything else is sorted. You’ve gone through a really horrific time and you aren’t even halfway near being healed, your canonballing into another disaster. You’re making your life worse, not better. And your taking innocent children with you.