Step daughter's eating habits

[Mexie]

Hi everyone, my husband's 12 year old daughter has recently come to live with us full time. We generally have a good relationship and she's a sweet girl. The issue is that she's a very picky eater. Her mum never cooked at home, just gave her money to buy biscuits etc and bought her chicken and chips every night. She loves sugary foods - she doesn't even like smoothies which don't have sugar and milk in them, and when I make orange juice she finds it too sour and wants to add sugar. She picks vegetables she doesn't like off her plate and puts them on the table and doesn't want to try new foods. Personally I'm vegan and whilst I prepare meat for her and my husband I also make a variety of different things to accompany it, such as lentils, different vegetable dishes etc, which she sometimes makes faces at. My husband says she will gradually improve but we don't seem to have made any headway in the last couple of months. I might add that most of her teeth have cavities and we have spent a lot of money on dental work for her. I'm not sure where to start with improving her eating habits. My husband makes her finish everything on her plate, which she does very slowly and grudgingly - not exactly fun at mealtimes. Does anyone have any advice??

I'd try and wean her slowly off cheap carbs and sugar. I don't know how exactly I'd do that but maybe someone with more knowledge than me will be along shortly.

Can you get her involved in cooking meals with you?

After that long of being conditioned to eat one thing, it will take time. I'd encourage her to come shopping with you and encourage her with loads of positive talk to choose a piece of fruit of veg - start with just one then a couple weeks later get two and so on. If she's in control of what's on her plate to an extent she may be more willing.

Also - play with flavours you know she likes so if she like chicken for definite, put a mushroom sauce with it, then pieces of mushroom the next time?

I think your concerned approach is right, don't get mad or annoyed with her as it's not her fault she's never been exposed to these foods or encouraged to eat healthily.

I think it will be a slow process. Shes had alot of change recently. Also some people are just pickey. Personally i wouldnt make a child eat all her food.

@crwban i agree, we have cut down her consumption a lot, she still constantly wants sugar though and finds other flavours bland and boring. I suppose it takes a while for tastes to change

@hellywelly10 no, I wouldn't either, but my husband grew up in poverty and often went hungry, so it's something he's strict on

@lilaciris it's a good idea, the problem is our main meal is lunch which I have ready when she gets home from school. I will try at the weekends though!

@sirmione16 thank you, that's v true about her having more control of what's on her plate

I have no off switch with food. my parents grew up in poverty and made me eat everything on my plate. It made meal times very stressful, oh and im overweight now.

Have you seen this thread? www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3311490-Being-unreasonable-from-my-kids-perspective-food-related

The OP's daughter (10, eating junk food, had a filling) seems to have got into the healthy food surprisingly quickly but there are a lot of suggestions from posters.

@hellywelly you're right it's counterproductive, I'll speak to my husband about it. She eats small portions but making her eat everything isn't helping her enjoy mealtimes or new food

@pennycarbonara I hadn't, thank you :)

He really, really needs to stop with the 'eat everything on your plate' stuff. It doesn't help at all, it adds pressure and makes mealtimes more stressful.

What I would do is really pull back on the new foods for a while and work with the healthy foods she likes. If that means you are all eating two (healthy) dishes on rotation, then that's how it has to be for a while. Once she has three (say) meals that she will eat, add an extra ingredient. Then build that up into another meal. Don't fret too much about 'healthy' to start either - what you are giving her is already healthier than what she had before!

My DS has ASD and did that classic thing of becoming incredibly fussy around 18 months. What we did was build out (think of it as a food ladder).

So he liked fish fingers. Fish fingers have breadcrumbs. Lets get a sliver of chicken and breadcrumb it. Let's make fresh salmon fish fingers. etc etc - now he will eat almost anything in breadcrumbs. So now let's just do a sprinkle of breadcrumbs on top so he can 'see' what he's actually eating - now he knows he likes chicken and salmon...

It's a long, slow process and I'll cheerfully admit it drives me nuts (especially on holiday when I have to walk past all the nice restaurants) but you have to think in baby steps. Google some ASD websites for inspiration, relax and try to take the pressure off.

When our children were placed with us aged 5 and 7 they were similar. We tried to have something they liked on their plate at every meal and asked them to eat all of that and taste everything else. They also really liked sugar and bland things like white bread. It took a long time to get them to where they are now, but they will now eat most things and have a much wider range of meals they like. DD is more fussy but not compared to some of her friends. DS is more adventurous and will taste anything and is very proud of himself if he likes it.

We didn't expect them to eat everything but it was massively frustrating for me as I really like lots of different foods, going out to eat etc. It's much better now but if she's just come to live with you full time it's a massive transition for her and she will be trying to control what she can. Food is an easy one for kids to control.

Fab op.

Can you get her cooking some naturally
Sweet foods?
Like tomatoes sauce for pizza or Bolognese?
Or sweet and sour chicken and veg stir fry maybe?

I remember not resting any veg or salad at all apart from peas and carrots (begrudgingly) until my teens , when I wanted yo try to be more grown up so started trying salads and a few different things.

I agree that this will take time. Just keep offering and hopefully she will get there.

Can she have a grind round for tea?
You never know, they might have a bit if salad with pizza or something and she may want to be like her friend?

What a lovely caring thread OP!

Could you get her cooking with you? I got both kids cooking. There could be a quid pro quo - she cooks with you doing something healthy and you cook with her baking a cake. I had to eat more victoria sponges and chocolate cakes than I ever wanted to (don't have a sweet tooth at all) but it got them both properly interested in food.

@foodylicious I definitely didn't start liking a lot of the foods I now love (avocado, olives, carrots) until I was in my mid teens. Can't imagine life without them now...

@thisisnotarealavo you're right, it could be a control thing- especially as I'm 6 months pregnant and it's a girl. She hasn't expressed any ill feeling but she hero worships her dad and has been his only child all these years.
I suppose I'm trying to rush everything, like you I'm a foodie and love trying new things. You're right that it will take time, at least I know it can be done with lots of time and patience

I read a fab book called "my child won't eat" by somebody Sanchez. It is well written and worth buying if you have a picky eater. He recommends always having something familiar (ish) and something to just try. Making her eat everything is not the right message, even if the portions are small. The best thing you can learn at that age is your body's signs you are full. I would also not go cold turkey on the biscuits etc either, as that just emcourages binge eating when they are available. Hard one.

@lonnyvonnywilsonfrickett thank you, I will try and slow down and not expect so much so soon. You're right, what she is eating here is way healthier than what she ate before. It's reassuring to think of it like that

@thesearepearls she defo likes making cakes so it's a good idea to try and teach her other (savoury) dishes as well :) that's so funny that you had to eat so much cake, all for a good cause though

Hello

I am in a similar situation, I’ve got a DSD who is 11 and got a DD who is 2 months. We have DSD over the summer and it’s quite tricky to find food she likes. Apart from sweets chocolate and crisps! 😩

I am trying to make more meals from scratch putting vegetables in with the recipe such as spaghetti, burgers and home made chips and pasta, she does tend to like it but does not eat as much as if it was junk food!

I also get healthy snacks, she likes carrots so I get carrots and dips that way she can get some of her vegetable intake. She also likes cucumber so just try to stock more of that in our cupboards than chocolate and crisps. Also she loves Yorkshire puddings and will happily have a plate full of them lol!

I try to find things she likes, although when we first met when she was 7 I barely knew what to cook for her now the list is growing. I think it’s a case of trying new things gradually.

Good luck xx

Imagine someone coming along and telling you that you could only eat your vegan diet in very small quantities, but you had to eat their processed diet.

I know yours is healthier, and you enjoy what you cook, but at the moment, she doesn’t.

My adopted DD came to me as a failure to thrive toddler who had only ever eaten fast food. I had to make her meals have all of the taste sensation of salty/sugary food without giving her the crap she was used to. Ketchup played a big part in the weaning off the crap process. I’d give her something flavoursome like an omelette filled with veg and herbs, but put a large blob of ketchup on her plate for her to dip it in. As time went on, I gradually decreased the Heinz ketchup, then eventually made my own and reduced the honey content really gradually.

It took about 2 years of very gentle palate training, but then she’d eat just about anything.

I was very careful not to make an issue of food though, and always affirmed healthy choices, rather than condemn unhealthy ones.

I'd be careful about making her clear her plate... my mum would make me eat what I didn't like, every night was a battle and I was in tears. It led to limiting my calorie intake as soon as I had control and I was definitely on my way to anorexia.

I have a dd with a sweet tooth. Sweetcorn, jacket potatoes and BBQ sauce to dip in chicken goes down very well!