Step daughter's eating habits

[Mexie]

Hi everyone, my husband's 12 year old daughter has recently come to live with us full time. We generally have a good relationship and she's a sweet girl. The issue is that she's a very picky eater. Her mum never cooked at home, just gave her money to buy biscuits etc and bought her chicken and chips every night. She loves sugary foods - she doesn't even like smoothies which don't have sugar and milk in them, and when I make orange juice she finds it too sour and wants to add sugar. She picks vegetables she doesn't like off her plate and puts them on the table and doesn't want to try new foods. Personally I'm vegan and whilst I prepare meat for her and my husband I also make a variety of different things to accompany it, such as lentils, different vegetable dishes etc, which she sometimes makes faces at. My husband says she will gradually improve but we don't seem to have made any headway in the last couple of months. I might add that most of her teeth have cavities and we have spent a lot of money on dental work for her. I'm not sure where to start with improving her eating habits. My husband makes her finish everything on her plate, which she does very slowly and grudgingly - not exactly fun at mealtimes. Does anyone have any advice??

Don’t make her finish everything on her plate, it will give her a really poor relationship with food and likely to lead to food issues/overeating when older and it’s really hard to break habits like this. She needs to listen to her body and recognise when she’s full, regardless of whether food is left.

In terms of getting her to eat/try more, I would put everything in dishes on the middle of the table and let everyone help themselves. Make sure there is always at least one thing you know she likes (ideally more to begin with).

Don’t comment on what she eats/tries, no pressure to try, no praise, no comments on your own food. Literally don’t mention it.
Talk about your day, things she enjoys, make it so mealtimes are enjoyable (maybe get her involved in choosing some new tablewear, etc).

It will probably take a long, long time before she tries things but you’re doing the most important thing by modelling a good relationship with food and exposing her to a wide variety of foods.

Get her involved in cooking/prep/setting things out on the table whenever you can.

Make sure any sweet things are ate straight after a meal to minimise damage to teeth. I just wouldn’t have much in the house though tbh and just keep mentioning the reason why is teeth when she asks. Maybe make cakes, etc and gradually reduce the sugar in them so she gets used to it.

Great advice little.

OP, I feel your pain and it’s clear you are trying to do your best.

I have 2 DSC - the oldest (girl 13) is an extremely fussy eater.

Mum asks the kids what they want and cooks 3 different meals a night (all oven food, nothing fresh). She would only eat burger and chips when I first met her (3 years ago). The only veg they wound eat was beans (which isn’t even a vegetable)!

My mum was a chief and i’m a pretty good cook, so meal times were pretty stressful for me.

Here’s some tactics i’ve employed:

• I don’t buy any sugary, fizzy drinks. If the kids want pop I buy sparkling water and they mix it with no sugar squash (I tell them we’re making our own Fanta).
• I don’t have snacks in the house. The kids were snacking all day initially on junk and wouldn’t eat their dinners. I don’t buy it, so they can’t eat it and they are now hungry at dinner time
• I cook only one dinner (child appropriate). It’s my responsibility to provide that dinner. If she chooses not to eat it, that’s fine. But there is nothing else on offer (apart from a fully stocked fruit bowl). This is the tough one and there will be tantrums but I am not running a restaurant. Don’t offer anything else!
• Everyone has to try what’s on their plate as it’s rude to the chief not to.
• No winging, complaining, saying ‘yuk’ or ‘I don’t like it’ - it’s bad manners
• No leaving the table until everyone has finished

My DSD still doesn’t have the widest repitoire but it’s better than it was. Her brother (10) on the other hand says he loves my dinners as he gets to eat new stuff. Wants me to teach him how to make a chilli!

It’s going to be tough but persevere.

Hang in there and remember it will get better! Lots of good ideas on this thread and lots of us have gone through the same thing and come out the other side. If I can, you definitely can!

It sounds like she isn’t being too bad to be honest. She eats everything on her plate, and isn’t rude.