Financial support through Uni

[amw73]

I have been married for almost 10yrs to hubby. He has known DS since he was 5.

My ex has always been a nightmare and we basically don't speak. He has actually moved abroad to avoid paying maintenance (and to avoid other debts but that's none of my business ). DS visits them occasionally. I have no reason to think he is saving or anything for DS to go to uni.

I work part time due to health reasons and hubby has a good job so we are financially stable.

Hubby comments frequently though about the ex and how he should be paying etc. There is nothing I can do about that.

I did the calculations and due to hubby's income DS won't be able to get a full living allowance when he goes to Uni. I'm currently putting about £50 a month away but it won't be near enough.

I worry that if I expect hubby to financially support DS then it's going to cause huge resentment.

DS is very academic and is about to start A levels in September

How do other families manage this?

just want to double check whether your husband's income will be taken into consideration for your DS's living allowance?

Unfortunately there's not much you can do if your husband doesn't want to contribute to your son's uni expenses (it will be very kind of him to do so but he shouldn't be expected to do so...)

Have you considered other options such as student loans?

I think it's unfair to take step parents income into account, when it's not his obligation to pay for your stepkids.

From what you're saying your hubby earns over £60k (or with uour income it comes to over £60k) thus reducing the loan amount.

No advice but I know Martin Lewis is campaigning to get them not to take parental income into consideration.

Aren't student loans means tested? When I looked into the costs it says it takes household income. It's that problem where the household income is over the treshold for most benefits....even the ones you have to pay back 😕

My son's a year older and he's considering a gap year to save a lump sum and will pick a uni in a location with part-time job possibilities. He's had a job for the past 8 months and comes from parents were worked while at uni so will be ok with that.

I am hoping to persuade him to do a gap year. Not only from a financial point of view but to gain experience etc. I had to have 3 gap years before I could afford to go to Uni and then had to work a lot of hours too. I have friends that are in dire straits financially putting kids through Uni, as much as I love DS that won't be an option

I think it's unfair to take step parents income into account, when it's not his obligation to pay for your stepkids
I suppose it is the same as benefits in that they look at the income of the household.

While I agree that step parents shouldn't be held financially responsible for uni costs (especially if they have their own dc to support), the fact is your h married a woman with a child and it would be mean to resent the costs associated with that to the exyent that your child has to defer uni. None of this is your child's fault - your h has been a big part of your ds's life since he was five. You are a family. The rules are unfair but this is the way it is and your h should just accept that this comes with the territory.
I can see why he thinks your ex should pay, but he made a choice to be in a blended family and the welfare of the child should come first.

so if the household income is not taken into account because it is earned by the stepparent ( who has supported the step child as part of a family) it would be unfair to those who genuinely have a low household income because they (the parents who are not a melded family) do not earn very much.
Of course it should be based on household income - step parents are part of the family unit still

Indeed, it is very unfair, but then again, the principle of taking parents' income in consideration is not right in the first place. Nor is it fair that step-dad's income should be taken into consideration when deciding whether the mother -because only the mother can claim, not the step-father) child maintenance.

I am in exactly the same situation that yours, but right now, I am continuing to work FT although I don't know how long I will be able to continue as my health is affected more and more. DD is starting Uni in September and it's not going to be easy financially. She will be studying a degree that means that she won't be able to do much work on the side. We have discussed it and she understands that she will need to work holidays to put money aside (she is right now) and that she'll have to live on a very tight budget. She seems to have taken this in in principle but I think it will take being there and finding herself with only £5 to take her to the end of the week to fully appreciate that she'll need to save the money she earns during the holidays.

She could have taken a gap year but from experience, even when the intention is to save, most end up fritting most of it over the summer before going, that is if they don't decide that don't want to go to Uni after all.

This is the case for lots of students, his options are to study locally and live at home, to work 20hrs a week whilst studying, to do a gap year? To start working 20 hoops a week now? To get a credit card/ private loan.

The system needs refining - it should be taken into account whether the step parent has other dc to support through uni. There's no assessment of outgoings - it's just assumed that if you earn above a certain level, that you just have oodles of cash lying around to supplent your dc who are legal adults!

What we do have to remember though is that this is a loan, so yes, our children will get less, but ultimately, it also mean they will have less to repay. You say your child is academic, is he ambitious too? If so, he is likely to earn over the limit and have to repay the full loan. At least this way he'll have less to pay back monthly afterwards, which might mean better able to save towards a deposit for a house.

I think the whole system is unfair to be honest.

There was a recent post and the posters OH said he's not financially responsible for her DS. He said he had his own kids to support and wasn't giving his financial info for the loan form.

Even biological parents can be tight fisted when it comes to supporting kids in Uni.

so if the household income is not taken into account because it is earned by the stepparent ( who has supported the step child as part of a family)

But not all steparents do financially support.

I hi k you need to talk to your DH now tbh. Don’t wait until it’s time to go to Uni

Ask him if he’d consider giving you, to put aside 50-100 /mth to add to your 50. Over 2 years this will be a nice sum to help your DS on a monthly basis.

I realised this very early on, thanks MN, that we’d have to topup, so have been saving for 10yrs now for DHs DD. She has 1 more year of college to go and we’ll be able to offer her a few hundred a month and several hundred and the beginning of each year to get setup.

*at

She also works now, but seems to spend it all on transport. She may take a gap year to save up too. Not sure, it keeps changing

You don't know what else the step parent is funding! People have their own children and financial obligations.
The system seems very unfair but tbh I would side with your DP and not want to pay a lot of money ( obviously some would be given but more pocket money/clothes/household goods ) when I had my own biological children to support who would be going to university.
However it's unclear from your post if you have discussed the situation with your DP? Maybe have a talk about what's reasonable and find a middle ground. For example could get go to a local uni and live at home etc etc

Unfortunately hubby is still reeling from the ex moving abroad and thus escaping his child maintenance debt (they were about to deduct from earnings) so even the slightest financial thing concerning ds sets him off.

In our case we will support SD through uni without any help from her mother.
I'm her step mother but find it it grossly unfair that due to my earnings she will get only a minimum loan. I want us to top her up but she will also have a part time job through uni.(had one through college too)

I care about her and it's not her fault her mother will not support her. I have one biological child with her dad and he is young so it's not like I have 2 others to support through uni..I imagine if I had it would be a different story..

Well he doesn’t sound great tbh.

How much have you got saved? Have you tried some calculators to see how much of a loan for living he’ll get? I understand the loan for fees is separate and covers the total amount? I might be wrong.

What can your Ds do now to find a part time job and start saving. Contact his father and ask him if he’s putting/can put anything aside to help him. It’s no good assuming

I think you should tell your h about this sooner rather than later. Many people are unaware that the current system is very different to when we went. I was at uni when Tony Blair was PM and finding part-time work was a peace of cake. Kids these days are on minimum-wage, zero hours etc are unaware that not all degrees are worth it.

I think parents running off and not supporting their children is awful. I know it happens a lot, but in years to come when their children have grown up and done well for themselves... they think it's easy to stroll back into their lives.

People can change...but some of these men were always useless specimens and never fit to be fathers in the first place.

Sorry to rant. It's just shocking how one abandons their child like this.

People can change...but some of these men were always useless specimens and never fit to be fathers in the first place.

Or women. Mothers do it too.

You are going to have to watch that your husband's anger at your ex, doesn't translate into resentment of your son. I agree that you need to talk to him sooner rather than later. But I honestly wouldn't feel happy with a husband who didn't see us all as a family unit and begrudged my child help, when he has already been abandoned by his father.

When you marry somebody with children, you are joining a family and he cant behave as if he has no obligations to your child.

Step parent here. I earn more than DH and my income was taken into consideration for both step kids going to university. I felt peed off with the cost, but that's the deal in marriage. However, I did expect DP to earn as much as he could to pay equal share.