Anyone have a Step Dad or Mum? Was it different to your experience as a step parent?

[Bananasinpyjamas11]

Just wondered really! How did your experience of your own parents and step parents affect how you step parent?

I had a very overbearing Step Dad who ruled our household, and we suddenly all had to follow his rules and move town. His mother was around every dinner time, and his friends and family visited a lot. They were very academic and competitive, and different from me and my brother. So I hated it! I was very put out. My Mum expected us to drop our own style and take on theirs. We were very polite kids so we found it oppressive. My step dad also wanted to be best friends with me from the start, expecting long chats etc, I was 10!

I rebelled and stood up for my own values, but it was a tough few years! However, they were kind at heart really, just very bossy and needed standing up to. So when I found a good compromise I became very fond of my step Dad and him me, and he’s given me a lot of interesting perspectives in life that I wouldn’t have had otherwise.

As a step Mum myself I was very wary of being too bossy and my rules only, as a result. And yet I think I ended up being way too subservient to their way of doing things. I moved into their house and asked for almost no changes at all. Wrong! There has to be a meeting in the middle I think!

I also had a step Mum, who did not live with me. I saw my Dad every few weeks. She was younger, and very best matey with me. At first I had no problems at all, she seemed nice. She was nice. However I was too young to realise that her treating me like a friend, was also her not acknowledging that I was a child who needed a parent. My Dad. Over the years she had her own children but for her we did not exist as their siblings. We were far away.

My Dad used to indulge us so a Disney parent, but had no idea about our needs and normal lives. Over the years he has almost lost touch with us completely, yet sees his second family all the time. I used to try quite hard with my step Mum, and half siblings, sending presents, visiting, babysitting. And then realised it had all been totally one way for years so I stopped.

So I learned from that it isn’t worth continuing to pursue a relationship of it’s not there. I don’t have animosity for my step Mum, at least my Dad has a partner in his older age. Although I do feel my Dad should have made sure we were all treated equally.

What about your experiences?

Like a PP my experience of step parents and broken homes has made me never want to get into that situation. I’d never date a man with kids or if DH and I broke up m/ he died I would never move a new partner in etc.

Step ‘mother’ was the other women and a complete gold digger psycho. Of course my Dads fault for getting involved with her. We saw our Dad maybe one evening a month. I think we were allowed to visit maybe a handful of weekends in my whole childhood. When we did visit she would cause some argument and call us selfish/ spoilt (I was 6) so we’d get sent home. They went on several holidays a year whereas my Mum had to do car boot sales to get by. She had twin girls with my Dad and they basically had everything I never did. All really psychologically damaging to me even as an adult.

Mums partner was equally as bad. Control freak, grumpy. Horrible to be around. We were forced to ‘blend’ with his kids who were vile. Never felt comfortable in my own home.

Basically just a lot of selfish adults only thinking about themselves unfortunately.

So sorry @MrsDc7 that you had a rough time as a child. It sounded like they didn’t make you welcome at all. You’ve turned that into something so positive
On a positive note, it’s made me be a good stepmum to my stepdaughter. I never want her to feel like I did. I love her and make sure she knows it. that is worth it’s weight in good to your DSD.

@butterfly I identify with you I rarely saw my father too. My half siblings on the other hand got a devoted Dad, it’s hard isn’t it. That your Dad went off with the OW must have hurt. You are right, it is selfish and damaging. I hope you are not completely put off being a SM, you might be great as you know what harm the other side is.

Oh it is ?good to know I am not alone. My step mother was vile and many years later I still feel traumatised. She once stuffed a load of phenobarbitone tablets in her mouth and threatened to swallow them unless I got out of the house. I was 18 but very immature.
Age 12 she made me take 5 kittens to the RSPCA to have them put to sleep (killed!) It was daily emotional abuse and being her domestic slave.
Why did I not tell my Dad? I still hear him crying when my birth mother left him when I was 5.
I like a PP vowed I would never be a stepmother. No but have since adopted 8 so you evil cow you did not ruin me!
This has been so cathartic