What do I do

[ferry655]

I have agreed with DP to have DSD for his usual contact weekend next month as he is going to be working. Backstory is he has been out of work for a while (self employed) and this job is a Friday- Tuesday staying away and is worth a lot of money to us that we desperately need.

All was fine until yesterday I received an invite to my nephews christening which is the Sunday of the contact weekend. It is a 3 hour drive away from our house and I would have to take my mum as she does not drive as well as my kids, there would be no room in the car for DSD. I have asked my partners mum but she is unable and DSD mum wont swap the weekends to the week before or after.

We really need the money (currently struggling with mortgage payments and bills) but on the other hand I don't want to miss out on this event and my mother would struggle to attend without the lift from me.

What is the best way to handle this!?

Poor DSD, she surely will notice she is seen as a nuisance.
I think on the weekends she stays with you (you= you and DP) you (yourself, as well as DP) need to plan the weekend accordingly, she is part of the family.
So, either you find a way to go all together, or you can’t go.

@swingofthings I won't be staying overnight we will be returning the evening of the christening

Then surely she could stay alone for the day at yours? She might actually enjoy it as that would be new to her. My kids love to have the place for themselves.

@swingofthings yes think that will be the solution

I agree that's a very good solution. She's 14 so not little

I find reading this a bit sad. Not necessarily the OP- but that a child, who has three younger siblings, and has had to have been part of this family with her dad and SM for about 10 years (if eldest sibling is 8) is still seen as an outsider and not as family. I can not understand people saying that she is dads problem, not OP’s. Since when is a child you’ve been caring for since 4 seen as a problem? I would be highly disappointed in my choice of partner if they were of the opinion that occasionally spending time with a child solo parenting who is the sibling to our children, so we can actually keep a roof over our head, was such a big deal. Way to seperate the kids as a them and us when they are already only there a few nights a fortnight. By all means ask her what she wants- but you’re saying the journey alone will be 6 hours round trip? Do you have an emergency contact that will be closer for the day, as it’s a significant time to be left for if you haven’t done this before.

I think most people were saying the solution to the weekend should be put on the shoulders of the dad as it's him & the mum who made the access arrangements.
I certainly don't get the impression op doesn't want to include dsd but the fact of the matter is that my dd would rather spend her access weekend with her dad with me if for some reason he couldn't take her & was away. That might all change but at the moment she's almost 13 & while she loves her sm & baby bros she does find hanging out with them all weekend very boring & she does go there primarily to see her dad. If I in turn couldn't take her I'd explain why to her but then it would be up to her dad to sort it out at his end as it would be his weekend.

That’s the point FlyingBird, her mum is completely refusing to have her so what happens at dad and OPs is up to them. With plenty of notice she’s saying there’s no way DSD can be at home, with her or, if she has plans, without her. Having said that, she has no right to complain.

Another option (sorry skim read so might have missed someone else suggesting it) could be that you or your brother take your mum to stay over with your brother before DSD arrives, then take all yours and DSD to the christening and get your brother to bring your mum home

She's 14, is there any reason she can't be left at home on her own? I'd have left my DSD at home at that age. And I'd leave my own 14yo too

Agree with this totally. She's old enough to be home alone.

Some really crazy suggestions. Why would the OP leave her 1 year old baby with someone in favour of her SD. Nonsense.

Again...the "Why does the OPs mum trump the SD". Surely it's obvious.

Having her Friday to Sunday morning sounds like a good move.

Sandy I agree with you. I don't think she should leave her 1 year old behind in favour of her sd. The 1 year old might not have the foggiest idea about what's going on but the op will want her child with her at her family member's event.

And as for why does the op's mum trump her sd. She's her mum and I'm presuming is close to her. Like you say, surely it's obvious.

As I said before, it's not like the op's husband is going and they're all leaving his dd behind. The op is going out on her own with her children for day. Dad is at work and sd can either A) stay at dad's on her own until op gets back, B) go and stay at her mum's or C) go and stay with a friend.

You dont need to know your DSD friends parents to call them and ask a favour, we are all in the parent pool......

Umm yes you do. You can’t just call up some random women and ask for favours when you don’t know them! How rude.

I don't get the posters using the mum as a default. It's not mum's weekend it's not her issue.

It's up to the dad to sort out.