Really?

[sc93x]

So I have my fiances son every 2 weeks, we look after him together whilst living at my partners mums house. I told my partner to stop mollycuddling him as he is 8. And in return I was told I'm not his mum and can't say how he is raised. I have been with him for 5 years so the child was 2 when we got together. Now I feel disconnected. What do i ?

SC93X
You can read your post a couple of ways.
He has made you financially dependent on him, or he has financially helped you out
He meets you after work so you can get home safely (safe from what?), or so you can't socialize with people from work
he accompanies you to family events....where it would be a HUGE no not to go, or where you might meet people to enjoy time with and realise how little you have that, or heaven forbid come across other men.
He makes spending time with your family awkward which probably whittles away at the closeness
AND he knew what his mum would be like to you when you moved in together.
Let his mum take care of SS get out there and taste the world.
I think if you popped onto Relationships and wrote out some of this stuff you might find wiser people than me offering more helpful advice, but if I were your mum/sister/friend I would be worried about your situation.

Tbh my family have said the same. They want me to Live my life and think about me. I cant seem to let go of DP. I've looked at it on the other hand too and I see the same thing your saying. We once went out with his friends and infront of me his friend said he had "settled " for me. Instead of defending our relationship he stayed quiet.

People can be judged by their friends, his friend was a twat and he didn't do anything about it.

MIL can look after SS as much as she likes I'm not wasting my time or energy with him anymore. DP has moaned I dont play with SS anymore i said why should i im not his mum remember hes not my responsibility when he is here anymore. Follow your head or heart?

Pmsl. Yes he is a twat thats why he is still single at 38 years old. But so is DP for not sticking up for me.

Your head it’s fed by the braver part of your heart
You sound lovely and caring these five years can shape you one way or another.
It sounds like your family would support you if you left
How about a week away or do you know you wouldn’t want to go back

First I think you were right, any neureotypical eight year old is perfectly capable of feeding themselves and going to the toilet by themselves. Treating a child of that age like a toddler is damaging to their development.

Your dp sounds horrendous. He is disrespectful, contemptuous, belittling and bullying. You deserve better than that. You can do better than that.

I have tried to leave him, I left for a night but instantly wanted to be with DP when I woke up. Which made me go running back. This was last year. My family would support me but the thought of going back to my previous life is daunting. DP isn't perfect and neither am I but i can only express my feelings. He may feel what he is doing is completely acceptable but i deserve respect too. I've constantly mentioned he has no respect for me. If I'm honest, I dont even know how he should respect me or how I deserve to be respected. I met him so young at 19 and believed he wanted his life with me.

I try and communicate face to face and it get dismissed as me going off on one. He will text me his problems and then i ask to talk but it doesn't happen as soon as i say anything according to him I become "defensive" instead of listening to my opinion or thoughts.

@sc93x - sorry to be so blunt, but from what you have written it would appear that you are involved in a very emotionally abusive relationship.
A classic symptom of a relationship such as this is you are controlled through false care, ie his attentions appear caring (waiting for you after work, going to family events for your sake despite him disliking your family) but which are in reality very controlling & designed to rob you of your independence & your self esteem, ensuring you get no proper social time away from him; time where you might see your life in a different context & start questioning his behaviour.
In my opinion you need to leave home before your self esteem is fully eroded. Get family support & counseling for yourself. You deserve a happy life with someone who respects you.
Good luck 💐.

A 31 year old man dating a 19 year old girl is weird. He has complete control over you be because the has groomed you!
Now you're too afraid of life to free yourself which is was his intention. He dated you because a women his own age would have told him to piss off.
Sometimes threads on here are quite frightening and this is one. It is so obvious you have been groomed and now are being emotionally abused and controlled to such an extent you aren't even allowed out.
You have lost your confidence as a result of an abusive relationship.
Talk to your mum. Alone!
Since you only managed one night away before returning to your abuser he has even more power.
I hope you get out I really do.

None of us are perfect, but we all deserve to be respected by the person we want to spend the rest of our life with. To be listened to and valued as a person and a sounding board and appreciated for all we do in a relationship, and you don't have that.
I think you need a week away, far away maybe even abroad, with friends or family if you can. Somewhere that you can't go back the next morning and he can't come round and talk you round. So that you can have some time to relax and remember what that felt like and to think about what you want.
You are engaged, do you want to be posting on mumsnet in 10 years time about your husband son and step son calling you names and laughing? Or posting about how distant you are from family/have no friends?
If your family are worried then turn to them. You need to feel loved and confident and they can offer some of that back to you, but you aren't feeling that right now.