Moving in together - how to divide the rooms? What is fair?

[BlueFlowerPot]

So we are going to live as blended family in 3 weeks time. We have 3 boys between two of us, I have 12 year old, he has 10 year and 15 year old.

There are 3 rooms for the boys to choose from: regarding the size - small one, middle one and the biggest one. Small one and the biggest one are facing the south and get the sun, the middle one is facing the north, no sun at all.

Now, my son (12), lives with us full time. His boys (10, 15), come for half of the week. We will pay the rent equally half half.

Which room would you suggest that my son (that is full time with us) should have please so it is fair?

[AnnieAnoniMouse]

Were you asked or told about the jamming sessions?!

How long has he lived on his own? I think quite possibly he needs to be made to understand this isn’t his house

[FrustratedDotCom]

Of course your son should get the largest room. There is no other option.

[Greenyogagirl]

Your son should get the biggest room, he’s there all the time and has more stuff.

I find it concerning that your partner won’t discuss it with you and puts his children first. Blended families are difficult but from the age of 7 to now (30) I 100% believed my step dad loves me just as much as his kids and treated us all equally. You need to see yourself as one family under one roof and the children need to be treated equally

[FoxyFoxFifty]

your son should have he biggest room!

[IlikemyTeahot]

another point for the full time child to have the bigger room would be to think about the energy waste having the heaters on and the big room all empty half the time

[YimminiYoudar]

I don't think that moving in with each other is in the best interests of any of these children. Nome of you are ready for a blended family mindset. Keep separate lives and homes for now.

[takeittakeit]

We let the DCs decide - nothing like we expected
2 teens and 2 sub 10s.

The eldest teen wanted the smallest room because no one else was going to get in!

sub 10s wanted to share

Other teen - did not care at all, as long as he got a laptop in his room to play on!

no fighting, no moaning and pre prepping the DCS either way - they knew what they fancied, they all saw the rooms at the same time and teens took youngest two to the park for an ice cream and by the time they came back everyone was happy.

Unfortunately, after 18 months, the teens are going to have to swap rooms because the eldest in the smallest room is now 6ft 3, can not fit into the bed which was width ways and younger teen is only 5ft 4!!

[19lottie82]

I don’t think kids particularly care about whether their room gets the sun or not

Your son gets the biggest room as he lives there FT. 10 year old gets the medium took as he has to share at his Mums. 15 year old gets the smallest. I think that seems fair and I am against the thinking of the oldest always gets the biggest room.

That’s what I’d do anyway. Unless the 15 year old really wanted the medium room and the 10 year old wasn’t bothered about having the smaller one.

[19lottie82]

Why do so many posters assume the eldest will be “moving away to uni” in 3 years?

[Somersetter]

another point for the full time child to have the bigger room would be to think about the energy waste having the heaters on and the big room all empty half the time

Isn't that an argument for the full time child to have the smallest room? So that you don't need to heat the bigger rooms half the week?

[WhiteCat1704]

19lottie82 I hope my child goes to uni when 18 or out of full time education. If not I would hope they will get a job, move out and start living independent adult lifes.

[MachineBee]

As you are paying 50:50 on everything if you feel your DS has been given the worst option you will resent it eventually.

However, what you consider now to be the best option, may not be the same that the boys do. A hot sunny room won’t be great for gaming or screen work. Or one that has bright sunlight first thing in the morning may be the last thing a teenager wants.

They are boys, and will be much less bothered about this than you are. If you do them decide between yourself, and there is conflict, then suggest a rotation every year. That way all three will enjoy every room.

[MachineBee]

Oops. Should be ‘let them decide between themselves’.

[PushMyButton]

Did you get it all worked out?