Last minute request from son and ex

[tobeworriedaboutthis]

What would you do in this situation? Have fallen into a bit of an ad-hoc arrangement with ex in terms of care. Used to be eow, but we are a bit out of sync with the holidays etc. Ex sent me a text this morning, DC would like you to take them to hockey selection this afternoon and I have a date tonight so can you drop them off in the tomorrow morning ? My wife has a work event this afternoon which I have previously agreed to attend. Currently DC is feeling a bit upset and generally angry with the world. (There has been a lot of changes at mums recently) I don't want to let DC down, but I know if I say I can't go to the event with DW it will upset her immensely as she had recently expressed that I always change plans and let the weekend revolve around DC while they are here. Help ! I don't feel I can win at the minute ....

Sorry but the comments about the touchline being a more suitable place for a dad rather than a mother make me

Some of the highest achieving young sportspeople I know have single parent tiger mums. Any sex of parent can facilitate their child's sport and take an interest

OP in your case it will be v hard to please everyone. I can see ex's POV - no point your DC going midweek if you are not going to be there and if the DC are with her all the time how is she going to form a new relationship

And your DW's - it would be nice to have a Saturday night on a regular basis

You need to find a plan that accommodates the two as best you can. I don't think ad-hoc arrangements are the way forward, I would find a plan and try to stick to it where possible

On the weekends you take DW out you could still take DC to hockey

Your Ex and you are in the wrong by allowing last minute changes. It’s not doing your child any favours either. Get a structured schedule going and stick with it.

You should absolutely stick with the first promise to your wife, and go to the work thing. Your child will gain more long term by you saying to them that of course you can take them to events however you have to have enough advance warning. That your child is upset is another reason to be more regular and not have things switched around - very unsettling and just provokes emotional manipulation.

Please take this as a ‘learning moment’ for yourself!

Sorry but the comments about the touchline being a more suitable place for a dad rather than a mother make me
I didn't say it was more suitable for a mum than a dad! What I was saying was that it is sad when it is only one parent that shows an interest and bother to be involved. In most cases, boys do prefer their dad to be there though, but of course it can very much be the other way around. In this instance, the child (who could be a girl anyway) would like her dad to be involved.

We've basically had DC at some point every weekend since the NY
This sentence doesn't make sense. OP either had them every weekend since or not. I have guessing from the 'basically' and 'some point' is more likely to mean 3 or 4 weekends out of 5, not all.

Not sure what the back story is but that usually is the case, so it's always difficult to advise when we only get part of it.

I think Swing it's whoever shows the most interest. In my (admittedly limited) experience it's a fairly even split mums/dads

I took OP's had DC at some point every weekend comment to mean that the DC were spending time with OP each weekend but not the usual agreed length of time

BUt has your ex also had ds at some point every weekend since xmas? If so then you need to work something out. If not I’d support your wife.

Your DW is not unreasonable. YOU need to get contact pattern in place to accommodate both your DS and DW. Ex and her dates really don't take precedence if you want your marriage to last.

Get your son every other weekend and do those activities then. Your ex needs to do stuff with your DS on weekends too! Or maybe a fair 50/50???

Your DW marriad you but that doesn't mean that her plans are automatically not important because the EX has a last minute date. You and your son probably too are being played by the ex. Your wife has a reason to be annoyed.

I'd you've spoken to your DC...and he/she wants you to take them to the hockey or whatever...then that should be your priority.

After all it's right that parents limit the impact of separation on their children.

Your child will remember your absence from this weekly sport...A child is more likely to suffer emotional damage from your absence at these sporting events.

Children suffer enough with separated parents...