New baby, childcare arrangements

[Cb123456]

Hi all..

I'm having a c section next week (Wednesday) 2nd baby. My parents have arranged a week off to look after DD1 at their house as I was very unwell after epidural last time and worried again of the effects of spinal.

Anyway, DSD (7years) is due to be coming over on the Friday-Monday (normal contact weekend) however as I will either still be in hospital or it will be my first night home is it unfair to ask DP to postpone contact to the following weekend. I haven't brought it up with him yet as wanted to get other opinions first.

DP will also be returning to work on the Monday as he is SE so I really just want the weekend for us to recover and get in the swing of things.

Many thanks

All depends on how the relationships are between everyone. On the face of it you're not being unreasonable however it could lead to accusations of leaving out your step child already. Only you and your dh can know the dynamics.

How would it affect DSD's mum? If she is working then your dh will have to sort out an alternative.

Sorry posted too soon, if your relationship with her is good then it shouldn't be a problem if she doesn't have commitments.

Yanbu, It makes sense to plan ahead, I dont see how anyone could accuse you of leaving stepchild out that would be totally ott especially as your own child would also be being looked after by grandparents.

Relationship is not great with mum DP currently going through court for access, his final hearing is in 2 weeks time so unfortunately this couldn't be sorted then. However she doesn't work and we have done last minute swaps for her in the past, but as it's due to the new baby it could potentially cause problems. Obviously if she says no then that's up to her but I would like DP to at least try

YANBU but if he is struggling for access he might not want to rock the boat.

Just state what you have here about you being unwell last time and that you have dd being looked after by grandparents, You will have just had major surgery and also cant guarantee you wont be in hospital still. Just say you want to plan ahead, I cant see anyone thinking your request was unreasonable.

Do you really want to give her ammunition for court? He had a baby last week and the first thing he did was cancel contact?

Its better to rearrange contact now than cancel last minute because shes still in hospital, Personally I dont think a court would frown upon it. Its not being unreasonable.

I think the fact that your older child is going off to grandparents is also in your favour. This is about getting you and baby home without either older child, not just you being a party of four. Definitely make sure he makes it clear you are sending your child to grandparents

This is what I'm worried about but seeing as it is literally 2 days after I hope the court would understand if she did bring it up. I just don't think I'll be in a fit state to be around extra children which is why I arranged with my parents in advance. obviously don't want to cause DP issues though

How rude I only found out a few days ago I needed one however have had my parents on standby to take time of work for a while as and when! It wasn't something that had been spoken about previously as I could of gone into labour at any time so kindly remove yourself from my post if you are going to call me an idiot.

@Cb123456 Let me tell you about my section as it might help.

I had my section on a contact day (evening after school). After LO was born at lunchtime, OH was with me for a couple hours. He then left me in hospital on my own, with my blessing, to collect the DSC and our eldest from school/Nursery.

All 3 children were desperate to meet their new sibling and I think it would have been cruel to deny them the opportunity, when the baby was only a few hours old but it was hard work!

OH left me and the baby overnight so he could be with the others, who potentially could have been in emotional turmoil at the arrival of a new baby.

I left hospital very quickly and had 3 days with OH and DD before DSC arrived for the weekend. DF also arrived on the Friday and it was quite full on! However, I hid in my bedroom when I needed downtime and things seemed to go smoothly.

I wouldn't have cancelled contact as I think the DSC needed to be fully involved in family life.

I would ask to move it. Just because you have planned C section Friday “day” dosnt mean it will go ahead. If there are emergencies you may well be put on hold for few hours or over night. You don’t want partner to say sorry can’t stay for birth it’s after 3pm.
Nor really will stepchild want to be at hospital all Saturday/Sunday if you have just had it either. Do you want partner to be off after 20min because child is bored or playing up?

Totally uncalled for lifeandtheuniverse.

*sorry you said Wednesday not Friday but point still stands!

They aren't extra children op, they are your new baby's siblings.
You need to see them as part of your own family not just dh's dc...
Or your relationship isn't going to last.

If she treats them same as her own child then ask if they are happy to go with your set of grand parents.

@Myddognearlyatethedeliveryman my own child is also not going to be there for the weekend so that isn't what I'm trying to do. Just trying to do what's best for everyone including myself

@Zampa thanks for sharing that is helpful to know. Obviously if it becomes an issue I will just have to get on with it but good to hear from both opinions

@Akire that's exactly what I'm worried about him missing it or not really 'being there' because he is distracted

@Lifeandtheiniverse - how rude of you to call someone an idiot. Are you so low on emotional intelligence that you have to be rude to someone simply asking for advice? Get some manners and jog.

Personally I think OP it’s totally fair to swap out the weekend. If your OH is returning to work you won’t be in any state to look after SC. The child is your OH’s + EW’s responsibility, not yours.

Good luck.

the question is would his ex be unreasonable to refuse/complain about rescheduling? The answer is of course that is unreasonable.

Is she a reasonable person or not? if she is likely to refuse or cause a drama then there is not much point asking as it will just cause stress and drama for you and dh.

my dd was 5 when her brother was born and she was a good help and could watch tv and entertain herself, even more so at 7. So dsd might not be too much extra effort.

Ex possibly will kick off depending on whether she wants something back at the time. Think I will leave it up to DP to decide as don't want to cause issues