Step daughter wants EVERYTHING

[Smmt93]

My step daughter has been in my life for just over a 18 months now.... It's been a big learning curve.... Anyway. She has a tendency when she comes over to me and my partner's friends and families house to ask for everything!! We went over to my partner's mum's yesterday and in a two hour window she asked for:

• a cracked picture
• one single bead
• sweets
• ice cream
• perfume
• a satchet of milk?
• a bean bag.....

You get the point, there was more this was in a two hour period!! In the end I had to get my partner to have a word with her!!! It's so odd she does it all the time. Obviously she does it when we go out shopping too with ANYTHING, she will just pick stuff up she doesn't even know what it is.... She has an allowance and can spend it on what she likes but it's so embarrassing when we go around friends houses and she's asking for random bits of tat!!! My Partners mum was moving house yesterday and she didn't help she just sat there like the queen of sheeba demanding stuff. Home life we imagine is a bit sad and she doesn't have much attention from mum.... But would like some advice on how to deal with this begging behaviour! At home too it just seems like everything that comes out of her mouth is a beg. iPad, food, etc! We limit the amount of screen time because unlike at her mum's house we would like to spend time with her and not get a screen to babysit her!

I don't think it's that bad? So her Grandma is moving and as sorting through she asks her for things she may not want?

Me neither. Fliss, deal with the bitchery, please. Poor OP.

It would have helped to use different words and font for the title. What you describe is not a child who wants everything but a child who got into a habit of asking people if she can have meaningless thing because it makes her feel good when people give her possessions or because that's what she's been observing her mother doing and think it's normal practice.

it's the 'I had to get my OH to have a word with her' followed by all the exclamation marks.

The way the first post is written, it does come across as that of a professional who has any affection for that child.

I agree this is normal behaviour for a child of this age. I don’t understand what the main issue is.

It is normal. I have 2 children and 3 step children (now adults) and I’m sure all of them have gone through this stage. My eldest (14) still asks for everything when we go shopping, especially if it’s something fluffy, cute or alive. Usually I respond for the first couple of ‘I wants’ and then I ignore, after a while she shuts up.

With DD9, I always offer to 'remember that idea' next time someone asks me what she would like for Birthday or Xmas.

I do it sincerely, never even a hint of sarcasm (even if it is something truly awful).

Think you and your partner should address this together. She needs to realise that you both are responsible for her and also how she reacts. If you are going to look after her as a couple, then keeping asking your partner to remind or chastise her on his own is not possibly the best way. Plus if you need to talk to her she needs to understand that ideally she takes onboard what you say.

I think it’s disgraceful that you and your partner’s concerns are not being considered at school. I would put your concerns in writing and request a written reply.

She reminds me a wee bit of my magpie granddaughter, but she’s not yet 4. But we address it by explaining quietly - calmly that she can’t ‘have’ or take home with her because ..... Nana wants to keep the bead as it’s special but you can look at it next time you visit, or ask her why she actually wants a sachet of milk? Ice cream and sweets when out shopping is pretty normal, but explain that it’s not v good manners to ask for things in someone else’s house. Try not to criticise, sounds like she gets enough of that at home. Make it sound that she would be very clever and really well behaved if she managed to not keep asking for stuff, then when she is good reward her but not every time.

She obviously has confidence issues and a considered explanation as to why not, plus lots of praise when she does behave and lots of praise all from both of you when she does something good should help. It’s not going to work over night but patience is the key, even when your at screaming pitch! I’ve always found a very large glass of chilled white after her bed time also helps as well!