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Original poster

Step daughter wants EVERYTHING

132 replies

Smmt93 · 21/01/2018 10:48

My step daughter has been in my life for just over a 18 months now.... It's been a big learning curve.... Anyway. She has a tendency when she comes over to me and my partner's friends and families house to ask for everything!! We went over to my partner's mum's yesterday and in a two hour window she asked for:

  • a cracked picture
  • one single bead
  • sweets
  • ice cream
  • perfume
  • a satchet of milk?
  • a bean bag.....
You get the point, there was more this was in a two hour period!! In the end I had to get my partner to have a word with her!!! It's so odd she does it all the time. Obviously she does it when we go out shopping too with ANYTHING, she will just pick stuff up she doesn't even know what it is.... She has an allowance and can spend it on what she likes but it's so embarrassing when we go around friends houses and she's asking for random bits of tat!!! My Partners mum was moving house yesterday and she didn't help she just sat there like the queen of sheeba demanding stuff. Home life we imagine is a bit sad and she doesn't have much attention from mum.... But would like some advice on how to deal with this begging behaviour! At home too it just seems like everything that comes out of her mouth is a beg. iPad, food, etc! We limit the amount of screen time because unlike at her mum's house we would like to spend time with her and not get a screen to babysit her!
OP posts:
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ReggaetonLente · 21/01/2018 11:41

Can you let your partner's sister know that she's feeling a bit insecure? Help to encourage lots of positivity and praise, special one on one time with lots of cuddling, girly lunches, film nights etc. It could be so great for her to have another female role model if things with Mum aren't going well.

I've been told before that when you feel like doing all that stuff the least, it's when they need it the most. Sad but true.

Just keep in mind how young she is and that this won't last for long in the scheme of things (hopefully, if it's addressed properly!).

Original poster
Smmt93 · 21/01/2018 11:42

Salad days....

"I want a bean bag" is what she said after we said no.... There rest was can I have can I have can I have.

And in regards to her being 8.... Partner was in her life till she was 4 and then mum wouldn't allow contact (as she had a new partner and wanted mine out!) Went to court so he started seeing her again when she was 6.... So he had to released how to parent

OP posts:
CoolCarrie · 21/01/2018 11:44

Poor child, just remember that you have been in HER LIFE for 18 months as well. Give the child a chance to find her feet with all the upheaval going on, she is only 8 ffs!

Original poster
Smmt93 · 21/01/2018 11:45

Love music....

Thank you, I really appreciate your comment! It is all a learning curve and I. Just trying to get used to things.... This is my first post on here and I'm not sure if il be coming back.....

Partner's sister is fab with her and spoils her rotten (with love and affection!) Shall have a talk with her

OP posts:
Original poster
Smmt93 · 21/01/2018 11:45

Thanks cool Carrie super helpful

OP posts:
strawberriesaregood · 21/01/2018 11:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Smmt93 · 21/01/2018 11:48

Well that is twisting my words isn't it saying I called her queen of Sheba for asking for food????

He is showing g her love and affection. Like I said we have contactes social services and the school.

OP posts:
Snowman123 · 21/01/2018 11:49

Reading your thread I was thinking it was a cry for attention.
Then I read further about how she is treated at home, which really confirmed by thoughts.
I think you are doing a lot of the right things, fun things and giving her the attention she needs.

As others have said, its not uncommon for children to ask for lots of things, so I don't think this specific issue is a huge cause for concern (unlike other issues you have highlighted). I would simply say no, these belong to X, and then distract her on to something else.

stitchglitched · 21/01/2018 11:49

You should be stepping back because your DP needs to learn how to parent independently of you- with respect there is no guarantee your relationship will last and he doesn't sound particularly pro-active if he took no legal action for 2 years until you came along and 'persuaded' him to.

GottadoitGottadoit · 21/01/2018 11:50

I think that the harsh comments are about things like telling her she’s being embarrassing. That’s a pretty awful thing to say to a child.

Original poster
Smmt93 · 21/01/2018 11:51

Thank you snowman.... She used to do thrive at school... Have you heard of it? It's to do with emotional well-being. I think I might suggest to my partner to ask she does some more? I said in parent evening that I felt she was insecure of herself and the teacher told me she didn't think so!
(She was very standoffish)

OP posts:
Maybe83 · 21/01/2018 11:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Blackteadrinker77 · 21/01/2018 11:51

Mum says I'm useless is in the book

Is Dad saying I'm rude and embarrassing also in the book?

stitchglitched · 21/01/2018 11:52

Why are you at parent's evening?

speakout · 21/01/2018 11:53

Sounds like a plea for attention.

lucylouuu · 21/01/2018 11:55

OP just wanted advice on her SD asking for things all the time and is being told " I don't think being a stepmother is right for you. " how nasty!

Yes, further through the thread if becomes apparent this little girl is doing this to probably feel wanted and it sounds like she is having an awful time at home but OP hasn't done anything wrong? she's so concerned about her she's asking people for advice and yes she hasn't been in her life for long but that doesn't mean she isn't a stepmother, she clearly cares for and loves this little girl.

MidnightExpress1 · 21/01/2018 11:56

Why are you going to parent evenings op? After only being in her life 18months. I wondering if there’s a reason why the teacher was so stand offish. I also agree with the double standards of calling her queen of shebia and saying she’s embrassing.

Original poster
Smmt93 · 21/01/2018 11:56

Why should I not be at parents evening. How dare you.

Embarrassing isn't a swear word?

Maybe 88..
This is interesting, and makes total sense I shall have to look into this.... As for saying things are rude and embarrassing.... I'm not understanding things myself and haven't had help like you have so that is how I chose to deal with the situation at hand

OP posts:
stitchglitched · 21/01/2018 11:57

Because you have known her 18 months and you aren't her parent?

Original poster
Smmt93 · 21/01/2018 11:57

Thank you Lucy!

OP posts:
Saz1995 · 21/01/2018 11:57

I don't agree with you slating her mother, do you have evidence she does weed and shouts at her daughter? She could just be saying it.

Original poster
Smmt93 · 21/01/2018 11:58

She is in my life and I have an interest in her school? Some people are telling me to step back and others are telling me to step up???

How rude are you guys. Does it make you feel better to out other people you don't know down

OP posts:
Original poster
Smmt93 · 21/01/2018 11:59

"she could just be saying it".... Well that's what we have to go on.

Her coat and hair stinks of weed!

OP posts:
MidnightExpress1 · 21/01/2018 11:59

Because you haven’t been in a life long. From the sound of it you were talking on behalf of your dp when discussing with the teacher. This is a professional who sees this child regularly and obviously doesn’t share the same concerns.

Saying someone is embrassing is still negative. Over time can affect someone’s self esteem. It’s just as bad as saying someone’s worthless.

GottadoitGottadoit · 21/01/2018 12:00

Embassasing is the kind of word that might make a child feel ashamed.