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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

Step child going into army in march

29 replies

Cr6238 · 20/09/2017 20:43

We have a good relationship with my husbands son/my stepson but unfortunately not with his mother. Step son finished his GCSEs and got his results in August, he's been accepted in the army from March - do we still continue to pay maintenance for him until then ? Or as he's technically left school do our payments now stop ?

OP posts:

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MyBrilliantDisguise · 20/09/2017 20:44

Yes, because he's under 18.

Original poster

Cr6238 · 20/09/2017 20:47

I thought it also depended whether he was in full time education which he won't be ?

OP posts:

Mama234 · 20/09/2017 20:50

I wouldn't have thought so if he isn't living with her and earning his own wage .

Karatema · 20/09/2017 20:53

If your DH doesn't want to pay his ex then pay his son, then his son can sort out board and lodging with his Mum. As his son your DH is still responsible (unless DH thinks now he's reached 16 he no longer has this commitment), DC are usually a lifetime commitment!

Original poster

Cr6238 · 20/09/2017 20:56

He's living with his mother until he goes into the army although he is working in a local restaurant until he goes as he's not at school. In my view we should stop paying but are unsure if because his proper job doesn't start until March if we should pay until then ?

OP posts:

MyBrilliantDisguise · 20/09/2017 21:16

I think you're being mean. His mum will have costs for him even if he pays her some rent. I thought payments were due until they were 18 or until they completed full time education. Now that you know payments can stop in March anyway, why not wait until then? It's really tight otherwise.

Penfold007 · 20/09/2017 21:20

If his mother is still getting Child Benefit for your DSS then maintenance is still due. Do you resent paying CM?

headhurtstoomuch · 20/09/2017 21:24

Do you think he will no longer need to eat food or need a roof over his head? Does his dad's responsibilities disappear now he's hit 16 and out of full time education? Who do you think should pay for that?

Original poster

Cr6238 · 20/09/2017 21:24

That's your opinion and you do not know the full circumstances, we are more than happy to support him and pay him directly. He will be earning a good wage whilst in the restaurant and once in army will not be living at home. We do not just want to stop payments without considering everything hence my post here - we have always paid maintenance, school trip costs, uniform costs as well as bought items such as bikes etc for his use throughout his time with us and taken him on holiday at least once a year. We do not want to be mean just have our facts right before we make a decision.

OP posts:

ineedamoreadultieradult · 20/09/2017 21:26

He has a job starting in 5 months but you want to stop paying now? I'm sure your DH can manage another 5 months it is his kid after all!

headhurtstoomuch · 20/09/2017 21:28

You don't sound very happy to support him.

tinytemper66 · 20/09/2017 21:29

There are things he will need to think of buying before he joins up....iron, polish, towels, certain tshirts, new pyjamas, swimwear, stationery, etc. They all add up and cost.

MsGameandWatching · 20/09/2017 21:39

we have always paid maintenance, school trip costs, uniform costs as well as bought items such as bikes etc for his use throughout his time with us and taken him on holiday at least once a year.

You husband supported his child like a parent should and now you're champing at the bit to find out how soon you can stop doing that. There's loads of ways you could have found this out, I suspect you came for a bun fight.

ChickaaaaannDipppaaaaassss · 20/09/2017 21:56

Harrogate?
Harrogate Foundation Army college? A clue in the name is should think?
I imagine he will still have to pay.
Harrogate isn't just joining the Army, it is also a college and the cadets spend a lot of time in the classrooms studying.
The courses build on all basic skills and teach them enough to carry them through the ranks.
Source: My own experience

justtiredofcoping · 20/09/2017 22:00

A child is for life - if yous top paying his mother maintenance then fine but to cut the son off dead because you want to get your facts right is cold callous and your response comes across as hard, callous and frankly pleased that you can be rid of him.

Good on him - he is joining the Army, serving his country and showing some moral fibre than many of 16 yr olds today lack - good on him. Supporting him for a few months so he has a few £s behind him would be nice - squaddies earn fuck all.

You sound ruthless, counting every penny you have sent on him

newjobblewobble · 20/09/2017 23:01

What's the relevance of your relationship with his mother?

swingofthings · 21/09/2017 06:31

It's not for you to make any decision. As it's been said, if she is still receiving CB, and there is no reason why she shouldn't, then your husband will have to continue to pay maintenance.

When he goes to the army in March, CB should stop and you might then be able to stop maintenance too and decide if you want to give your SS anything directly instead.

kittybiscuits · 21/09/2017 06:38

This always makes me laugh. My ex stopped paying maintenance the day my DD posted on facebook that she'd finished her exams. Of course CMS dealt with him. It reflects incredibly badly on you and the child's so-called father, however much you dress it up as a concern.

Nuttynoo · 21/09/2017 06:40

I think your DH has the moral obligation to support his son throughout military college - not many parents stop supporting kids at uni so why should he? I think you need to stay out of this in my opinion, not your son but you will get the blame if/when things go sour.

Farahilda · 21/09/2017 06:43

I thought the idea of maintenance wa that you support your child, at least tom the age specified in any order, otherwise 18.

Not because you're adding up,p what other income streams might be at any point and deciding whether it's a good deal for you.

Tell him to keep paying.

mpsw · 21/09/2017 06:45

At this age, he'll be off to AFC, will he not?

That's not dissimilar toma chood going to boardingschool.

Of course you keep paying whilst his DS remain in education as that's the bare minimum.

mpsw · 21/09/2017 07:01

Sorry, that spelling came out very mangled, but I hope you got my drift.

You don't seem to have grasped that he is continuing in education, and unless you have made an agreement that he will be resident with you during all the college holidays , then yes of course you need to keep paying.

As you don't seem to know about either the educational component, or the amount of leave, perhaps you need to find out a little more about what he will be doing?

Bluebell878275 · 21/09/2017 13:59

FFS....she's just asking a factual question - stop reading so much into her posts. Some replies are argumentative just for the sake of it

Quartz2208 · 21/09/2017 18:38

I think at this age you are within your rights to pay him rather than the mum which I think is the question rather than stopping supporting him

paxillin · 21/09/2017 20:01

"Child maintenance payments usually stop when the child reaches 16 (or 20 if they’re in full-time education up to A-level or equivalent)."

So he can stop, since the boy has a job and is not in school. If he wants to, he can give it to his son or put it into a savings account for him for later.

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