Can cafcass see thro manipulating parents.

[Mum2oneds]

So have filed the court forms to set In stone to see dss more,as frankly fed up with do's, exs crap.
Dss is staying with us half a week from Monday first time she's allowed it. however when we dropped him home this weekend. The ex was saying, you know mummy will miss you and be lonely without you,and be sad you're not here. so if u want to come home you can and daddy will bring u home..
So she's planting that seed. Yesterday had a text saying dss Isnt sure he wants to come etc. We'll I can a billion percent assure you that he was very excited about this when we discussed it the weekend, as he gets to see some family we don't see often and going out for days.
We're wondering as to whether when it goes to court, of she brings it up whether they will see she's poisoning dss about staying. Spoke to the sch a while back and they said dss has been a bit withdrawn since March.. Well that's probably because mummy has had 3 men since March that each are the best thing ever etc then they walk.. ( but that's another story lol) but they said dss speaks very fondly and excitedly about when he's with us..

Telling a child you'll be sad without them, be crying without them and that you'll miss them terribly is extremely manipulative.

I hate when DS1 goes to his dad's because XH is a dick and I don't trust him with DS (court ordered I have no say). However, to DS1 I make a point of saying "I hope you have lots of fun with dad and " or "of course I'll miss you son but I'll be happy knowing you're enjoying yourself, and I'll see you really soon."

Having new BFs picking him up from school is too!

Yes agree but I've been through the mill too I've been the ex wife , the new partner, the step mum and had horrific times. It is great if you can co parent but there are sometimes situations where no matter what you try to do and with the best intentions of the world you can only parallel parent. Not the ideal but sadly a reality for some.

Notrealkyarsed. We don't know about the 3 men though do we? Could be that two are family and another one is a long term boyfriend that she's only recently brought into the picture? Could be a multitude of explanations. Ultimately, if dad doesn't like it then he needs to do all the pick ups and drop offs himself. But there does seem to be a bit of a double standard here with dad being able to involve his partner, but mum not (if she has one?) My experience is that the dads always start upping their game once mum has a new man.

Aye there is that, XH always used to become "super dad" for a few weeks when he had a new partner too.

Blondienut. Agree, but I think that the poster's partner is going to have a shock in court if he thinks it's all going to be plain sailing based on hearsay from a child and the school. They always want reports. I've heard of cases where dads have had contact cut back and responsibilities added to (more travel etc.) when they've brought weak cases into court. He might find he gets further by swallowing his pride and going and talking to her.

Hopefully he will

Yes Notrealkyarsed. And I was always warned by my ex's that my boyfriends could be violent and paedophiles. 🙄But the same obviously didn't apply to their girlfriends

BeyondDespair aye I had that too, despite being on my own for 4 years and only being with DP I was still "bringing men round DS1"

The ex hasn't denied they were boyfriends when he asked. Dp has had 1gf since split and that's me.. Which we waited months before meeting his son as it's only fair as a big change for a child to see daddy with someone new.
We've been to her home, Sat and chatted. We've stood on doorstep and chatted, introduced to two of the exes back early part of the year ( they seemed nice) but for some reason it's like talking to a brick wall. As I've said I hope she's moved on. But all this making dss feel bad for being away from mummy isn't right, as a Pp said. Maybe she could say. Yes I will miss you and be sad, but I'm happy you're having fun with Daddy.

It's really hard but you can't control her actions only your reactions. Just love and provide security and reassurance. I'm not sure what to say about court- sometimes it's fair outcome sometimes totally unfair. It can be so challenging

Well I think we'll just have to ride it out. We've tried via not doing court. And she moves the goal posts continuously which is fine if it's give and take. But she just wants it one sided. In a pathetic way. A yr ago for example dp had an op and couldn't drive, so I drove there. He was with me obvs she said dss wasn't to come unless dp drove.. Therefore didn't let him come.. Wouldn't even let his parents drive him there to collect him. It's silly things like that.
So yes he will be doing court. As to how that turns out I'll let you know. Hopefully will collect forms from mediation on Thursday and take to court.. We don't know unless we try. And that's all that we want is to be there for dss and be strong for him.