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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

So I snapped with their mum

81 replies

wheresthel1ght · 13/05/2017 11:43

OK I know I was an idiot but I am so sick of always being in the wrong with my dscs dm.

That bloody woman has let herself into my house again this morning and not even bringing the kids in as we collected them yesterday. Dss was meant to return all the borrowed items for his dofe exhibition yesterday, Dp asked for the. As they were t with everything else. Dss says mum wouldn't let him bring them. Wtf??? They were borrowed from a friend of mine so not her decision. It the. Turns out she has t unpacked or washed them. Dp said fine, drop them off at ours and wheres will sort it.

She must have appeared whilst the kids were walking the dogs (having left the bloody door unlocked which I have dealt with) and I was as hanging washing out, so she has let herself in and dumped the stuff in then Hall. No phone call, text nothing. She has my number, my car was on drive, she knows my phone details and both the kids b have phones.

I have seen red and sent her a text. It wasn't rude and wasn't sweary hence and not calling her as I wasn't sure my temperature would hold. Text says she is never to enter my house again without invitation.

Dp is asleep as he was on nights do only got home at 7am. She hasn't replied to me but I suspect the will have a go at him.

I have no idea why I am posting, I warned Dp to deal with her after last time and I am fairly sure he hasn't. But I did tell hi. If it happened again I would not hold my tongue.

So how much shit am I gonna be on do we think?

OP posts:

InvisibleKittenAttack · 13/05/2017 17:53

You need to change the lock on your front door to a Yale one that can only opened with a key from the front, unless the dcs are leaving the door actually open, which is a bigger problem.

You have to accept you are stuck with this woman with crap boundaries in your life for the next few years.

phoenixtherabbit · 13/05/2017 17:59

As much as it sounds like nothing much I suspect pp who said this is the straw that breaks the camels back.

I wouldn't want my ss mother in my house, and thankfully she wouldn't dream of it wont even pick ss from the door makes him walk to the next street to be honest I'd lose my shit if she did it because of the things she's previously said and done.

I suspect it's the same with op. If this woman had been reasonable the whole time op probably wouldn't give a shiny shit about her dropping things in her hallway but chances are she hasn't been.

Also to the person who said why does the mother have to wash things and not their dad, surely common sense dictates whoevers house the child returns to with dirty stuff washes it? I certainly wouldn't be leaving a load of dirty wet stuff to start stinking in my house just so I could make sure ss mum did it!

When ss didn't live here I used to wash all the things we wore inc school uniform iron them and he'd wear them or take them home the next time he came here (two days a week) but his mum doesn't do this and when he comes back from seeing her I am greeted with loads of dirty clothes which she can't be arsed to wash because she doesn't think it's her responsibility now. We actually had this scenario where ss went on an adventure type school trip, he came back but went straight to her house (her day) and she literally had not even opened the bag. It makes my blood boil.

So yes while it sounds petty from op I am pretty assured it's warranted.

BoneyBackJefferson · 13/05/2017 18:19

I'm with the OP she shouldn't have come in to the house uninvited.

user1486334704 · 13/05/2017 18:24

Completely rude & infringement of privacy and in all likelihood done to show her power/control i.e. Believes she has a right to enter the house without permission because her son is there. Massively entitled and passive aggressive and well done for challenging OP.

The items could have been left on the step

She could have called, texted

Lots of options she chose not to take so she could impose herself, and not for the first time by the sounds of it

pleasepassthevino · 13/05/2017 18:36

I am a step mum and would never dream of doing what she has done. If DP ex stepped foot in here I would be going mad. Big back story there too!
I don't think your over reacting at all OP. I hope your DP stands his ground and backs you totally.

neonrainbow · 13/05/2017 18:48

She sounds like a right twat.

Original poster

wheresthel1ght · 13/05/2017 19:59

That k you to those who are capable of seeing the bigger picture it is appreciated.

And to the poster saying she isn't a random she is their mum, honestly I couldn't give a rats arse if she was the flaming Queen, you do not walk into someone else's home uninvited. Her son may well live here, but she doesn't.

Dp is under no illusions about the outcome should he not back me up. She text him which I fully expected to be honest and went ape about then text I sent and has a aid she will never come to his house ever again. Yay, suits me!!! He has replied saying he will discuss face to face at drop off but she was out of order.

Everything she does or says has an agenda. She has on more than one occasion deliberately engineered situations to ensure a row between me and her or me and Dp. I normally have nothing to do with her as she twists everything to make me out to be a bitch. So for the last 3 years I dump and run if I need to drop off or I pinwheel I arrive so I don't have to speak to her.

We have mutual friends who must have said something about a post I put on faceache about being horrifically sick and laid up on the sofa all weekend and she rung him to go nuts because "what the hell is wheres doing asleep all fucking weekend when she is meant to be looking after the kids. She should be making an effort and taking them out, if she does this again I will stop them coming." Needless to say we no longer have e mutual friends.

OP posts:

Original poster

wheresthel1ght · 13/05/2017 20:02

Flapjacks - I have 2 very yappy and protective terriers which normally scare off most people but the kids were walking them. They shut the front door but didn't lock it which they have been sternly spoken to about.

OP posts:

tattychicken · 14/05/2017 01:03

She didn't rifle through your knicker drawer, she dumped some bags in your hall at your request as I understand it? It's really not a big deal.

RebelRogue · 14/05/2017 01:37

All these people saying no big deal,do you randomly just enter other people's house?you dont call or text? You just try doors and drop whatever?
Would you be happy to just find something in the hallway tomorrow morning when you wake up?

Neverknowing · 14/05/2017 01:42

I agree with you op. She needs to Learn boundaries and how dare she say she'll stop her DC coming to you because you didn't take them out? Wtf!?
I don't think you enter anyone's home uninvited it's their safe space, hopefully she won't come back now op!!

swingofthings · 14/05/2017 07:18

The big problem here is whereas from previous posts it seems you had very good reasons to get angry with her for trespassing on your property, you've picked the one time when actually her behaviour wasn't unreasonable in the circumstances to fire at her and on this basis it will probably get back at you.

Should she come in without warning, knocking on the door when people are in to open the door absolutely not. Was it totally unacceptable to drop the equipment when no-one answer the door? No. Anyone else could walked in your house and it is your responsibility to make sure you hear the door bell.

The only alternative was to call but did you even have your phone with you as you went out to pit the washing on the line?

Pick your battles and if your going to send an text to express your frustration do so when you have a good reason to be angry.

Original poster

wheresthel1ght · 14/05/2017 08:49

swing yup always have it on me which she knows due to work and family reasons. Had she bothered to tell us she was coming I wouldn't have been pegging the washing out and would have been waiting for her.

In isolation I agree that it was ott to fire a text St her having a pop about it but at that point a) I didn't really care and b) didn't know that Dp hadn't had the conversation as he promised to after the last time. Which he has had a bollocking for.

To those saying I have a Dp problem, yes I do however I do understand his reasons for trying to keep the peace and maintaining civilised. She is a bugger for threatening and carrying out the stopping of contact or banning the kids from activities they are enrolled on during their time with their dad. At present we can't afford a legal battle but we are using what little we have spare towards pushing for fairer contact over key events ie birthdays and Christmas which is what the kids have asked for.

She got bollockings during mediation last time over her threats and unreasonable demands. The mediator basically told her she could not demand to have her cake and eat it and that as Dp (and I) were being wholly reasonable and accommodating of her demands that should she refer it to court his ex would lose.

She genuinely doesn't see that she is wrong. In her head she is perfectly entitled to access to my home whenever she feels like it.

OP posts:

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 14/05/2017 09:05

She shouldn't have waltzed in to your house (and I don't blame you for sending the text) but really the best way to fix that is to ensure the door isn't left unlocked- change the lock type if necessary as previous posters have said- so it can't be. You can just say it is to prevent burglary.
Also I personally stopped lending stuff to my DSD years ago after a series of similar incidents of non-return/damage/loss, so you may want to think about that too, especially when the kit belongs to a friend of yours and not to you.
(Ironically my DSD is now in a similar position herself -she is in her late 20s with a stepson- and has drawn a similar line after similar issues!) You won't ever 'win' with someone with no understanding of appropriate boundaries so the best thing is to try to reduce the impact on you in other ways. And always remember it doesn't go on forever.

Maybe83 · 14/05/2017 09:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Highalert · 14/05/2017 09:13

She dropped them in your hall.She didnt go snooping in your bedside drawers.

Original poster

wheresthel1ght · 14/05/2017 09:17

@highalert I don't care. She has no be right to walk into my home uninvited. I would be as angry if it was my own sister, mum, friend.

OP posts:

neonrainbow · 14/05/2017 09:21

It's up to op to hear the doorbell? No it's up to this silly woman to NOT walk into someone elses home unannounced. It's a massive invasion of privacy. She wouldn't do it to anyone else.

Highalert · 14/05/2017 09:24

Maybe she should have just dumped the stuff on the door step.

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 14/05/2017 09:25

This thread is taking the MN standard of "mum good/stepmum bad" to the extremes. OP she sounds like an absolute nightmare, and I fully understand that this was the straw that broke the camel's back. I would not be impressed at all if my XH set foot in my house without permission, ditto DPs XW.

Maybe83 · 14/05/2017 09:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Joinourclub · 14/05/2017 09:29

I think you need to pick your battles, and it isn't worth going to war over her opening the front door and dumping stuff there. i think most people would try the Front door if they had been told to come over yet nobody was answering. Maybe she just preferred to leave stuff there rather than call you and have to deal with you face to face? Understandable really as you can't seem to stand her.

Original poster

wheresthel1ght · 14/05/2017 09:50

Maybe. - if found it after repeatedly being asked not to then yes. My house my rules

OP posts:

JuicyStrawberry · 14/05/2017 10:54

She dropped them in your hall.She didnt go snooping in your bedside drawers.

Yeah but I bet given the chance though she'd love to snoop through your drawers eh OP?

Original poster

wheresthel1ght · 14/05/2017 10:56

Haha juicy I wouldn't put it past her tbh

OP posts:

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