So I snapped with their mum

[wheresthel1ght]

OK I know I was an idiot but I am so sick of always being in the wrong with my dscs dm.

That bloody woman has let herself into my house again this morning and not even bringing the kids in as we collected them yesterday. Dss was meant to return all the borrowed items for his dofe exhibition yesterday, Dp asked for the. As they were t with everything else. Dss says mum wouldn't let him bring them. Wtf??? They were borrowed from a friend of mine so not her decision. It the. Turns out she has t unpacked or washed them. Dp said fine, drop them off at ours and wheres will sort it.

She must have appeared whilst the kids were walking the dogs (having left the bloody door unlocked which I have dealt with) and I was as hanging washing out, so she has let herself in and dumped the stuff in then Hall. No phone call, text nothing. She has my number, my car was on drive, she knows my phone details and both the kids b have phones.

I have seen red and sent her a text. It wasn't rude and wasn't sweary hence and not calling her as I wasn't sure my temperature would hold. Text says she is never to enter my house again without invitation.

Dp is asleep as he was on nights do only got home at 7am. She hasn't replied to me but I suspect the will have a go at him.

I have no idea why I am posting, I warned Dp to deal with her after last time and I am fairly sure he hasn't. But I did tell hi. If it happened again I would not hold my tongue.

So how much shit am I gonna be on do we think?

Seriously though, she was out of order walking in to your house like that. It doesn't matter if she is your Dsc's mum- it doesn't give her any special VIP rights to waltz in uninvited. I do think comparing her to your mum walking in to your house is silly, which someone did up thread. Although it's still not ideal to have family members walking in to your house, it can be shrugged off more easily. Having your dh's ex walk in to your house is a whole different kettle of fish (especially if the relationship with her isn't a great one). Even if you were all friendly you just don't do it because it's RUDE.

swing yup always have it on me which she knows due to work and family reasons. Had she bothered to tell us she was coming I wouldn't have been pegging the washing out and would have been waiting for her
But maybe she didn't take her phone with her, or more likely, left it in the car and going back to fetch it to call seemed an disproportionate act compared to just opening the door and dropping the things.

I think there is a big difference between walking uninvited all the way through the hallway and even in rooms standing there, and just opening the door to drop something. Unfortunately, she got the bollocking for the latter not the former.

Swing - doesn't matter, if it's not your house or at a push, your parents house, you don't try the door handle and walk in. A person with normal boundaries arriving with stuff in a bag they needed to leave at someone's house and finding no answer when they rang the bell (and it clearly being dry enough for the OP to be pegging her washing out!) would just leave it by the front door then text to say what theyd done, or take the bag home with them then text to say "called round with bag, noone was in, can you pop by mine to pick it up?"

Even trying to open the front door isn't normal - it is terrbly rude to try to open someone else's front door.

You would be angry if your own , mum, sister or friend, opened your door and left something in your hall.
I find that extremely odd.

Someone's mum letting themselves in their house is one thing, their husbands ex is entirely another.

Family and close friends only. Even an acquaintance doing that would make me feel uneasy. I would lose my shit if my dps ex did it and vice versa she would lose her shit at me if I did it in her house, which I wouldn't because it's bloody weird.

You might as well say it's OK for a burglar to let themselves in as long as they don't take anything.

At the end of the day she is a stranger with no right to be there.

No one should be walking into your house uninvited.
Lucky it was her and not a burglar! Get a lock on that door and ensure it is never left unlocked. Problem solved.

😡it's not the OP's friend or family member though is it?

It's an individual who is a) not welcome b) by virtue of their 'history' would know she isn't welcome and c) is actually an individual who the OP clearly has conflict with. So in no way comparable to a friend or family member who would usually be 'welcome' in the house and therefore appropriate to cross certain boundaries.

This was done to exert control and show her 'entitlement' - nothing more

Yes, you would imagine that family or friends could cross that boundary, but op says she would be equally as angry.

If I'm expecting someone fair enough if they let themselves in.
If I'm not, I don't care who they are.. you don't just randomly enter someone's house.

Yep, I would be angry at anyone who doesn't live here just letting themselves into my house. But then that is why we have a Yale lock and are very careful about who gets keys.

If youdon't live in a house, or at a push, have previously lived there (like your parents house) then you don't just let yourself in. That's basic manners.

OP - Yale lock that can't be opened from the front without a key, seriously, not a door that has to be actively locked.

Not everyone have the same boundaries. My MIL did worse, she used to comfortably come in using her set of keys into the house when we were in, not bothering knocking. I thought that was very odd and made me feel uncomfortable because I and my family would never do this. However, I realised that it was just the way she was because she gave me a key of her house and told me to always just walk in.

I never said anything, but maybe OH did because gradually, she started knocking on the door, saying she was there and waits a few seconds for us to come to the door and will only open it if we don't come within a few seconds.

I expect the issue with you is that she thinks of your house as that of your OH, and if himself never had an issue with this before, she might think that he doesn't mind anyone doing it but her. Unfortunately, once you reach the stage of conflict, asking nicely for people not to do something is rarely enough for them to stop.

All you need to do is make sure the door is lock and check after anyone has left. If you can be bothered to take your phone with you in the garden, it's probably not that much more asking to check that the front door is locked.

Unfortunately it is a upvc door so we can't retro fit a yale lockas this was suggested by the oracles of MN last time and frankly I am not forking out several hundred quid to replace the door just because she has no concept of boundaries.

At all other times the door is religiously locked unfortunately on this occasion. And the previous one dsd couldn't find the spare key and so left it unlocked when taking the dogs out. We are looking onto a key safe on the outside as dss walks down after school as will dsd from September and I flatly refused to allow a key to enter their dms house! Hopefully it will negate the spare key hunt (which is always in same place dsd just looks with her eyes shut like her dad!).

For those picking on being good cross with my own family I suggest you actually read the post. I said if they were doing good it having repeatedly been asked not to-just as she has - I would be cross

Well dp has had words and apparently both her and her dp seem think they are perfectly entitled to walk into my house anytime they feel like it.

Well it certainly settles the debate over the dscs having their own keys and that will be over my dead body.

Dp pointed out she should have told us she was coming or left them on the door step and she was out of my order just walking in. She disagrees and thinks that because it is his home she can walk in whenever - she certainly didnt like him telling her otherwise

Oh dear. She's a piece of work isn't she?

It would need to be new door for me.

Would she more likely accept it if you gave her a piece of your mind, not DP?

Kitten - she won't even try to have a pop at me. It's why she text dp and had a go at him. She is terrified of me although no idea why as I literally rarely speak to her. I do everything on text as she has a history of lying about what has been said so with a text I can prove she is talking bollocks.

Unfortunately dp has decided that whilst he is backing me up it wouldn't be such an issue if I liked her... Wtf???? It has nothing to do with whether I like her, only the fact that she knows nothing about boundaries and I am sick if her acting like this is her house. He has been told in no uncertain terms that I am not backing down, I am in the right, she is out of order and I will not tolerate it. If she does it again I will verbally tell her what I think.

I think it's fine - get your feelings out directly with her. It's just too tense and fraught not too and having to go through kids or your husband is just futile. Better to have a bit of a confrontation but then in future see how things might be changed so that there is less need for regular contact or forgetting stuff. It's your dss responsibility and maybe he goes to sort it out next time.

I'd tell your husband that he just needs to back out and let both of you sort it.

She sounds like a nasty piece of work. Why the hell should she be entitled to enter your house.
No keys for step children, I agree..the mother is such a nutter with no boundaries I can see her getting herself a key cut to come and go as she pleases.

Short term could you attach a chain to your door inside? So even if it's open she can't get in.

Alphabet - read further up the tbread, dp tried to chase dss and got a bollocking from her about expecting a child to know. She was the adult so it needed to go through her.

She is making a rod for her own back tbh because whilst dss is quite meek and won't stand up to her dsd is quite firery (I may have rubbed off opps) and does stand up to her. Ww3 broke out the other week as dsd wants to do an activity that I run, it's not in a dd contact day so I told her she would need to discuss with her mum. She did, mum a aid yes and then when it came to the crunch backed down and said no so dsd have her hell. If she carries on with controlling them I suspect dsd will vote with her feet once she is old enough and will move on her full time.

I would find my DSD's Mum letting herself into my home extremely disarming.

I fully sympethise - I am in this situation at the mo. It's hard when the kids sometimes forget to lock the door and she waltzes straight in :( PM me if you ever need a vent without someone being judgey

You have my sympathies - the woman sounds like a nightmare. For what its worth I wouldn't have a key safe outside the house either as I wouldn't put it past her to get the code from your DSC and enter your house when you are not there. My ex's children's mother started to come into my house, on a regular basis. Firstly it was to see the children's newly decorated bedrooms, which was fine. Then it would be for 10/15 minutes a couple of times a week, when the children were with us. The final straw was when she spent an hour trying swimming costumes on with my DSD on my birthday, when I had a house full of guests. My ex-OH wouldn't stand up to her. Hence why he is now an ex (there were lots of other things that happened as well as this - this was the straw that broke the camels back.....and that straw will come) So you have all of my sympathy. Also to all of you that don't think there is a problem - I can probably guarantee that the OP wouldn't be able to do the same thing to the DSC's mother without world war 3 breaking out! Surely if it is acceptable one way it should be acceptable both ways?

Didn't realise this was still in people's current threads!

Thanks for the support ladies. Both her and OM attacked dp she. He attempted to challenge her and have basically said they have the right to come in and out as they please - over my dead body. She is currently refusing to come anywhere near our house which suits me perfectly to be honest.

But in inevitable fashion the proverbial is going to hit the fan as she is back to refusing to treat nits and in spite of me pointing out the effect it will. Have on the kids I have been ignored. Dsd came on Tuesday and was upset, her dad spoke to her and it turns out she'd is being exuded and picked on because she has nits. I kid you not, you cam see them crawling over her face and yet her bloody mother refuses to acknowledge or treat and if it is done here she hits the roof.

I have told Dp that he needs to grow a pair and deal with it. That if she continues to neglect the kids that he is to refuse to return them and we will see her in court. Sounds extreme I know but this has been going on for years.

How awful, why on earth would she not want to save her kids from that.
Your dp needs to put his foot down now.
Keep a record of her refusing to treat them.
Poor kids and poor you.

Good luck with it. The nits thing is a valid reason in a neglect court case though. How old are the kids as they may well be old enough to vote with their feet already. Mine did at 8&9.