Feeling upset and embrassed

[muttermuttergrrr]

We've had the dsc since wed when the broke up from school going home xmas eve.

Anyway we opened their presents yesterday so there dad could see them do it and for the first year they bought me a present (been in their lives for 6 years) so was feeling really pleased that they had thought to do it.

Opened it and it was 2 diet books, I am a little overweight but fucking hell, it just seems a really nasty present to get me. Everyone laughed and dsd said, we thought we'd get you something you need.

I said thanks and went off to have a shower and cried, I know that it seems stupid but I was so pleased they'd included me and we'd had such a good year, and to get something that felt spiteful and have everyone laughing has really upset me.

DH thinks i'm being silly and they didn't mean any harm but im not so sure.

The only thing I can think from your comment is that you've maybe made a comment to her about her appearance or make up that she has found hurtful and this is her response.

Sadly, having extensive experience of both teens and stepDCs (and ex's) I'd say that is only one of dozens of possible explanations, and is one of the least likely.

Turning it back on the stepmum who of course must have done something to deserve it, is socially acceptable, and rarely challenged even on these boards.

We can speculate as to why but it was designed to do one thing hurt her stepmother.

Well I thought my Xmas was rubbish as I sat and watched my oh and his two children open their presents to each other and got nothing. now I'm grateful that i didn't get a diet book. YOu are right to be upset. my oh did get me a present but didn't think I'd want to open it in front of his children. WTF? I'm going to spend a little less time pandering to their every need and am going to do what I want for a change. new year, new rules hey OP!

Next year get them a book on etiquette

There you are..... this may cover it

A 15 year old girl knows exactly what she's doing and what message she's sending with a gift like that. Exactly. They're hyper aware of weight, image, looks, etc.

And she laughed.

Spiteful and mean.

Your DH is a jerk, determined to defend his daughter at all costs. I'm sure there were big crocodile tears and an 'indignant' reaction to the suggestion she was being mean. But she knows fine well what she did.

I'd show him the thread, too. He needs a slap upside the head and a wake up call.

Sadly, having extensive experience of both teens and stepDCs (and ex's) I'd say that is only one of dozens of possible explanations, and is one of the least likely

Well I made the comment from my experience of teens and stepDCs growing up from toddler to adulthood, and good relationships with them all. It was offered as a suggestion that a comment from the op may have upset the SD in the past. Probably completely unintentional. IME it's something to consider and something that may have led to misunderstanding. Op - I meant it helpfully. I hope you and she can have a chat and sort it out.

Turning it back on the stepmum who of course must have done something to deserve it I didn't say or mean that at all. No-one deserves to be treated unkindly, be they a child or adult. But if you want to sort out things like this it's always worth keeping an open mind and that means owning our own stuff if we need to.

Horrible. Even if it was meant as a "joke" its hurtful. My husband did something similar and although I smiled and laughed it hurt like hell and still does. Shame on them and your husband

I'd buy your dp something similar for his next bday and laugh when he opens it - shampoo for thinning hair, specs, a nose hair trimmer, books about how to get great abs - and see what his reaction is.

for you