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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Feeling upset and embrassed

109 replies

muttermuttergrrr · 23/12/2016 11:44

We've had the dsc since wed when the broke up from school going home xmas eve.

Anyway we opened their presents yesterday so there dad could see them do it and for the first year they bought me a present (been in their lives for 6 years) so was feeling really pleased that they had thought to do it.

Opened it and it was 2 diet books, I am a little overweight but fucking hell, it just seems a really nasty present to get me. Everyone laughed and dsd said, we thought we'd get you something you need.

I said thanks and went off to have a shower and cried, I know that it seems stupid but I was so pleased they'd included me and we'd had such a good year, and to get something that felt spiteful and have everyone laughing has really upset me.

DH thinks i'm being silly and they didn't mean any harm but im not so sure.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Namechangebitch · 23/12/2016 13:40

It was nasty but if you say that you become the baddy. Explain how you felt do not have a go at her.

She deserves a (metaphorical) punch in the face the nasty little cow that, unfortunately, is not your job.

Pallisers · 23/12/2016 14:03

Opened it and it was 2 diet books, I am a little overweight but fucking hell, it just seems a really nasty present to get me. Everyone laughed and dsd said, we thought we'd get you something you need.

This is pretty nasty. I agree it was the 15 year old who thought this would be "funny".

If I were you I would just put it aside. Give the books to a charity shop and buy yourself a nice book instead. But after xmas, your dh needs to sit his daughter down and have a conversation about that book. he should ask her

what do you expect OP to feel when you gave her 2 diet books?
Did you think she would feel good?

Did you think it was funny - did you think she would think it was funny?

I think this is teen thoughtlessness/spite but how will she learn that it is unacceptable to treat people like that if her parent doesn't point it out.

If my dd did that, I would be having a conversation with her. It isn't ok for her to think she can take a swipe at people she is mildly pissed off with and cover it up as "funny". She won't be very well liked in life if she does this.

Your dh needs to step up - for his dd's sake if not yours.

by the way, you're a better woman than I am. I wouldn't have said "thanks". I'd have said "thanks. I've never received a diet book as a present before. Actually I don't know anyone who has. Are you telling need to lose weight?"

Namechangebitch · 23/12/2016 14:07

Pallisers questions are a good way to go. You need to try to not be angry OP. If your DH won't step up you still need to have the conversation for your own sake.

How did you think I would feel?
Well I felt like this,.............

Ohb0llocks · 23/12/2016 14:11

Wow, she sounds delightful.

fallenempires · 23/12/2016 14:28

Omg that's one of the most nasty things that I've read in a long time
Teenage girls are malicious I have one of my own & am constantly horrified by the lack of empathy that she displays towards others.
This was definitely premeditated & done to cause the maximum amount of upset!
As for your DH he needs to grow a pair pronto & give her a good talking to.He must present a united front with you his wife.
I'd be livid if my dd pulled a stunt like this towards my partner!
How do you get on with the XW?
Please tell me ok,I would hate to think that she was fuelling this sort of behaviour.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 23/12/2016 16:53

I would hate to think that she was fuelling this sort of behaviour.

Me too

Evergreen777 · 23/12/2016 19:36

I think it's unlikely that with a 15 year old her DM would have put her up to it. Not unless there's a long history of nastiness, which the OP doesn't mention. 15 year olds are quite capable of nastiness themselves. (If you're on good terms with her DM, OP she might even be happy to speak to her DD about it. I would be livid at my DD if I found out she'd done something like that)

OliviaBensonOnAGoodDay · 23/12/2016 19:44

Absolutely horrible. Especially the snide comment about it being what you need - no way that wasn't done with intent to hurt.

Poor you OP. I'm sure you've done so much for them for Christmas as well. If it's any consolation, i'd be fucking ashamed if my kids behaved this way to anyone, least of all someone who tries their best to do right by them.

Bluntness100 · 23/12/2016 19:48

Yes, I agree, this was done on purpose to spite you and I'd be concerned that it's taken six years for them to get you a Xmas gift and when you do it's this, as such there is something else going on here.

Were you the other woman? How do you get on with his ex? They were clearly very young when you came on the scene and it seems they aren't accepting you, so I'd try to understand why. Do they feel their parents have a chance together if it wasn't for you? Does the mother have a partner? Who left who?

As for your husband, I suspect he's not wanting to blow the up even though he will fully recognise what's just happened.

Msqueen33 · 23/12/2016 19:57

You've no reason to be embarrassed. What a little cow!!! What did her dad say? And to think its taken six years to get you a gift (I could possibly understand if you'd maybe been the other women maybe).

Is she due a birthday soon? Maybe she'd like a self improvement gift.

ThisThingCalledLife · 23/12/2016 20:01

well ,for her next birthday i'd get her a book on Manners!

gamerchick · 23/12/2016 20:04

I think I would be more upset with my bloke with the way he handled it. He needs to reign her right in.

PollySyndeton · 23/12/2016 20:04

Give it back to her. Say thanks but you don't want it. Say you've already ordered it for yourself. Take the wind out of her sails.

PollySyndeton · 23/12/2016 20:05

And then tell your DH he needs to pull his head out of his arse or fuck off.

gamerchick · 23/12/2016 20:07

Or give them back to her and say she probably needs them more than you do.

(Not really but an immature part of me would want to)

MadisonMontgomery · 23/12/2016 20:19

Yikes that is really spiteful. I would be providing the three of them nothing but lettuce from now on but then I'm equally spiteful. Seriously tho your DH is just as bad for letting them get away with it - it's clear where they inherited it from.

Badcat666 · 23/12/2016 20:25

What delightful little shits!

perhaps find a book about "how not to be a spiteful bastard" and give it to her as a New Years present.

And their dad needs to grow a set.

And next time they are round don't buy them anything nice to eat. If they complain they say "well you wouldn't want to put on weight like me would you?I'd have to buy you diet books fro christmas".

(but then I would have said something in front of them to make it clear how much that would have upset me)

Julius02 · 23/12/2016 20:25

Several years ago my grown up stepchildren came to my house for the first time at Xmas and brought Xmas gifts for everyone except me. I stood in my downstairs toilet weeping in my own home on Boxing Day.

I then had several years of terrible gifts (like a mug with a 50p sticker on the bottom).

FF several years and life has moved on and there are grandchildren and gifts and lots of affection, if not love.

I know you're hurt, and rightly so, but hang on in there and I'm living proof that things can get better x

DancingDinosaur · 23/12/2016 20:27

I'd nip out and get her some clearasil, or moustache remover, or those gel bra filler things or something like that. To tap into her teenage angst

PollySyndeton · 23/12/2016 20:27

Don't let her know you're upset. That's what she wants. Be nonchalant about it. It's no fun for her if you're not bothered.

Guitargirl · 23/12/2016 20:28

That was horrible of them OP. Am not surprised you cried. I would have too.

I have a long memory when it comes to shit like this. If I were you I would plan by next Christmas to be exactly the weight you'd like to be and buy what will presumably be a 16-year-old some acne treatment.

What a nasty girl.

Couldashouldawoulda · 23/12/2016 20:29

Awful behaviour! Definitely the gel bra fillers. :-)

AnnieAnoniMouse · 23/12/2016 20:29

Definitely intentional & spiteful.

How well do you get on with their Mum? If reasonably well, I'd tell her, if she would gloat I wouldn't.

I would be telling family & friends when DH was there, he will soon realise how spiteful she was being from their reactions.

A very boring salad - every meal they're there until she apologises.

EweAreHere · 23/12/2016 20:31

Mean, nasty and bullying behavior.

Ask your DH, who it sounds like has defended it/downplayed it, how he would feel if you had gotten his daughter a book about 'How to Make the Most of Your Plainness", or something similar. that would strike home with the girl, and then laughed as she opened it.

You need to deal with your DH, and then he needs to deal with his kids. Horrible thing to do to someone.

Couldashouldawoulda · 23/12/2016 20:31

Yep, also def start cooking everyone diet food from now on, to demonstrate how useful the presents were.

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