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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Feeling upset and embrassed

109 replies

muttermuttergrrr · 23/12/2016 11:44

We've had the dsc since wed when the broke up from school going home xmas eve.

Anyway we opened their presents yesterday so there dad could see them do it and for the first year they bought me a present (been in their lives for 6 years) so was feeling really pleased that they had thought to do it.

Opened it and it was 2 diet books, I am a little overweight but fucking hell, it just seems a really nasty present to get me. Everyone laughed and dsd said, we thought we'd get you something you need.

I said thanks and went off to have a shower and cried, I know that it seems stupid but I was so pleased they'd included me and we'd had such a good year, and to get something that felt spiteful and have everyone laughing has really upset me.

DH thinks i'm being silly and they didn't mean any harm but im not so sure.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

FizzBombBathTime · 23/12/2016 12:04

No wonder she did it, she knows your dh will go along with her spiteful behaviour.

Sorry this happened to you op

DeadZed · 23/12/2016 12:07

I think that was a thoroughly nasty present and I would expect a child of 15 to know this too. I bet it was a horrible shock to open and Ithink you did well to keep cool. I am aghast that your dp does not get how horrible this is.

Evergreen777 · 23/12/2016 12:15

I think that's nasty. And I would think it likely your DSD's doing, not the younger DSD. You don't buy people things you've decided that they "need" unless you have reason to think that they would like them.

I'd suggest your DH has a talk with his DD about how to choose a present for someone, asking how she'd have felt if bought some acne lotion, anti-dandruff shampoo or other equivalent "gift" she hasn't asked for that someone else thought she "needed". Your DH should probably speak separately and more gently to his DS who may be less aware why it wasn't a kind gift.

DancingDinosaur · 23/12/2016 12:21

At 15 that was completely on purpose. Very spiteful.

user1477282676 · 23/12/2016 12:21

Just to try to put it in perspective, my niece...who is and was a LOVELY girl, saw me just after a c section...9 pound baby etc...and said "You look pregnant still"

She was 15 and should have known better but didn't...she didn't mean it maliciously.

mummydawn07 · 23/12/2016 12:27

kids aren't stupid and at 15 years old she was well aware of what she was doing... are you insecure about your weight? or have you mentioned anything about it in front of them? sounds to me that it was a deliberately bought for you to make fun out of you, I am a bit podgy too and that would have really hurt my feelings, but I am quite sensitive and emotional anyway.. I think you DH needs to tell his dd that it was horrible behaviour and how it made you feel, how would she feel if she suffered with really bad acne and she got a bottle of Clearasil for xmas?!! and then had everyone laugh at her... Sorry you were made to feel like this OP

Fanfeck · 23/12/2016 12:27

Jesus that is vile!

I would be even more angry at DH though.

sizeofalentil · 23/12/2016 12:28

Don't be embarrassed - she should be embarrassed for being such a nasty little cow.

If it makes you feel any better, I bet she'll look back on this and cringe in a few years.

Your DH should 100% have a word with her about it and get the receipt off her so you can exchange it for something nice.

user1482343889 · 23/12/2016 12:28

user1477282676 did she laugh while saying that

Moreisnnogedag · 23/12/2016 12:30

Oof that's mean and stereotypical 'mean girls' behaviour. I don't quite know what to do about it though (helpful aren't I?). Ideally it should come from your husband though. I'd have serious words with him and point out how would he feel if someone had done something like that to his daughter?

JoeyJoeJoeJuniorShabadu · 23/12/2016 12:39

That's very cunty of them.

And your DH has clearly set out his stall in relation to how he values you. Clearly, you do not have his support.

I would re-evaluate this relationship and I would separate once the xmas and new year are done.

MadeForThis · 23/12/2016 12:46

Try not to let her see that it has hurt you.

Turn it round on her, tell her it's such a thoughtful gift. You can read it together??

I would have a serious conversation with your DH and expect him to have a word with DSD about how weight is a sensitive subject and how she could have caused offence.

SomethingLikeFlying · 23/12/2016 12:46

That's horrible of them and your dh not seeing the problem makes it even worse.

You should absolutely not be grateful for that present. It's the thought that counts but fuck me, the thought they put in to that one was pretty fucking spiteful.

Would his reaction be so calm if you bought slimming books for his kids if they were overweight? Doubt it.

notarehearsal · 23/12/2016 12:49

Wonder if their mother 'helped' with choosing the gift?

Namechangebitch · 23/12/2016 12:50

Often with teenagers you just need to front them up. They rely on people avoiding the subject due to social embarrassment.

So - if you can, very calmly, when you are all together. "I hope you didn't mean to upset me but the present you gave me made me cry. When you laughed at me I felt sad and embarrassed. I am glad you bought me a present but perhaps you need to think a little more before you give people diet books."

You are offering them a way out but making it clear how you felt. This is not a row you are just telling people how you felt.

Hopefully, they will deny they meant to upset you, but they will be shamed. You have nothing to be ashamed about, your feelings are honest and true, she knows what she has done.

VimFuego101 · 23/12/2016 12:50

They are old enough to know better, and your DH should have backed you up.

YourHandInMyHand · 23/12/2016 12:52

That IS nasty!

Christmassnake · 23/12/2016 12:53

Mean and spiteful. Your dh needs to tell them that was a horrid thing to do

MycatsaPirate · 23/12/2016 12:54

That is nasty. At 15 she should know better.

I am not surprised you cried. I would have too.

Isadora2007 · 23/12/2016 12:56

Ouch. That was really horrible.

I would have to have a word with the dsd- start with how pleased you were to be getting a present from them and how happy you were they'd thought of you. Then explain that the gift was mean and was a form of bullying. Use the spot cream example to her and ask her genuinely how she would feel. Then leave it at that.

GinIsIn · 23/12/2016 13:00

I would have told them outright I hope they kept the receipt so I could swap it for a more pleasant and appropriate gift!!

LeadPipe · 23/12/2016 13:03

That's a good idea Fenella -swapping the gift for something that you'd enjoy would be a good thing to do.

WatchingFromTheWings · 23/12/2016 13:06

At those ages, especially the older daughter, I'd say it was intentional. Girls that age can be pretty spiteful.

WatchingFromTheWings · 23/12/2016 13:08

I'd give them straight to charity and let them know you don't need the books as you're happy as you are.

llhj · 23/12/2016 13:35

Please tackle this and don't let it go. Horrible behaviour.

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