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Original poster

Here we go again!!!

30 replies

Evilstepmum01 · 02/11/2016 11:48

Sadly, the last thread got a bit heated! Shame really, as it felt like we were all connecting a bit and being totally honest about the challenges of step-parenting!
So, who fancies just carrying on talking about step parent stuff? Dealing with the Ex is a part of that, so try not to judge!

Ladies what step.....shall we?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
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Lunar1 · 02/11/2016 12:00

This thread will go the same way when you use inflammatory terms from the start. Maybe if you stayed away from nutter, psycho, bitch, skank, fat, lazy, etc the thread could give the support you mean it to.

None of those terms are acceptable across the rest of mumsnet so why should they be ok here?

While all the trouble was going on here yesterday, a step mum was getting torn to shreds on another thread with very little support as people were too busy arguing.

Manumission · 02/11/2016 12:16

Lunar's right.

bluebell9 · 02/11/2016 12:45

I do love my DP and I'm happy looking after my DSC but I'd like to be asked!!

DP just text that ExW would drop the kids off with me when I get home from work rather than him picking them up as he has an appointment and ExW was going to be near my house anyway.

I would have said yes anyway, but it would have been nice to have been asked!

I've not said anything to DP as this was done over text but I'll be having a quiet word later about not taking me for granted.

bluebell9 · 02/11/2016 12:46

And I love having a support thread with others that understand the situation. I really hope this one lasts!

BubbleGumBubble · 02/11/2016 13:10

Support threads are wonderful and a much needed resource.

Threads where it is a free for all to name call and use derogatory language about other women and parents.....not so great.

MNHQ
FlissMumsnet · 02/11/2016 13:43

Forgive us but we've tweaked the OP's initial post to try and ensure this thread goes the distance!
Peace & Love Flowers

Original poster
Evilstepmum01 · 02/11/2016 14:06

Haha, nae worries MNHQ! Good plan! Grin

Everyone else, its a support thread, like this is a support website. I'd like it to be non-judgemental, so if you disagree, fine say so, but leave it at that please!

Bluebell9 I loved it too, its a really lonely job being a stepparent so I hope this does last. Hope your DP gets a flea in his ear!!

I think if anyone needs to vent, we should do it via messaging, which is what some of us have done. Avoids judgement that way!

Nursed123, CarolAnn Sleepyhare LadyAEIOU MotherofA MrsRaymondReddington selfishcrab and any others I've forgotten!
Would you like to join us? Just ignore the posts you disagree with and message any rants!!

Flowers Wine [choc] oooh and I've been stuffing my face with doughnuts!!

OP posts:
LadyAEIOU · 02/11/2016 14:57

I will definitely be joining for any issues. It makes a big difference speaking to others. Hope everyone is ok.

LadyAEIOU · 02/11/2016 15:00

Which thread was a SM being torn on?

Chimpfield · 02/11/2016 15:05

I'd like to join please - fast reaching the end of my tether!

Lunar1 · 02/11/2016 15:17

Titled-New to this, was the one where a SM could do with a bit of help.

My first post makes the op look like it may have been loads worse than it actually was. Can I just add that she in no way said that list that I wrote in my post, and it was actually quite mild! I just didn't want to see this one go the same way.

bluebell9 · 02/11/2016 15:19

chimpfield welcome to the chat.

Sounds like you need Wine and Chocolate

LadyAEIOU · 02/11/2016 15:23

Thanks Lunar I will look now.

Went to visit work today (6 and a half months into maternity leave). I can't wait to go back. Think things will be much easier as me and DH will work around eachother and therefore changes he makes won't affect me so much.

Also big talk about his ExW new babies and we have agreed that DSS life with us and life with them should continue to be separate. Not worth any new arguments especially with more children involved that could get hurt.

DH has said he will check any changes with me in advance now and will be firmer with DSS. Hopefully things will change and he knows I am going if they don't.

Ohb0llocks · 02/11/2016 15:24

I'd like to join. DSS and I relationship is somewhat strained. I'm not sure what the issue is but he seems to have taken a dislike to me Hmm he is only 3 (4 very soon). His dad and I have been together for 2 years so I have been in his life for probably about 18 months. His mum and I do get on well, communicate etc, as do DP and her. She is perhaps a little harsh with her telling off and seems to have very little to no patience with him. She works full time and we have him once a week for tea and 3 out of 4 weekends. Have tried offering alternate weekends so she can have more time with him but hasn't helped.

bluebell9 · 02/11/2016 15:51

Ohb0llocks has your DSS always been like this or has it changed recently? What make you think he's taken a dislike to you?

When my DP moved in with me, I think my DSS was feeling insecure about where he fit in, how it would change things and realising that his Dad was never going to move back into the family home. It took a while but he seems settled now. He now wants to spend time with just me rather than always wanting his Dad, he helps me cook etc. We make sure the DSC have time with just their Dad too as I think that is important.

user1467976192 · 02/11/2016 17:05

Well I would join for the support aspect but I see people who caused trouble on the other post are already here

Manumission · 02/11/2016 17:31

Yes but all the people who got themselves deleted over there are behaving themselves now Smile

user1467976192 · 02/11/2016 17:55

To be honest if I want to feel vile over my lack of a relationship with my stepchildren I will just talk to my partner.
It was a shame the post went bad as it was nice to find like minded people who understood the problems and the fact it isn't always easy,

satinthedark · 02/11/2016 21:47

LadyAEIOU - if your DP suddenly starts being firmer with DSS, just as you go back to work, still getting used to new sib - it could back fire. He needs to tread carefully.

My DP ( divorced 10yrs) when we got together, we moved in and that was when he decided it was time to be firmer with his DSCs - disastrous move. Middle one saw the new found discipline difficult ( he went OTT on the rule making), she blamed me and out of the three - she and I have the most tempestuous relationship.

His EX went mental and quite rightly told him he should have been doing this years ago and his timing sucked - she was right!!

We are now at an impasse - he will not back down, she ignores him and there is no compromise. Left them to it - as long as she does not bad mouth me infront of the kids and takes her turn clearing the table - we get on OK and I stitched sodding sequins on her dance dress till gone midnight! REsponse - er yes well thanks, mums should do that sort of thing!

gingina · 04/11/2016 12:14

How about a support thread for partners of idiots?? My problem is rarely caused by the DSC themselves, more often by my DP and his stupidity!

Wdigin2this · 04/11/2016 12:25

I have a situation, which comes up periodically that I have absolutely no say in! I can't elaborate as it would be too revealing, but I get soooo upset that a scenario I don't like, want or welcome is forced upon my life, not often.....but it's distressing to me!
I really feel for my DH in the circumstances, as It's something he has no choice over either, for practical and emotional reasons, and he's really between the devil and the deep blue sea!

Original poster
Evilstepmum01 · 04/11/2016 12:37

Gingina is he a Disney dad? Fear not, they can be trained!

Spoke to DH yesterday re christmas-ex wife wants every christmas morning at hers now she has new baby. Pointed out that its a shame that DSD and our DS will never have a christmas morning running down the stairs together and actually opening their presents together. I suggested that he speak to ExW and we alternate christmas mornings, so DSD gets to experience both siblings christmas fun!
DH said he would speak to DSD and ask what she wanted, tho he thought alternate was a good idea. Think DSD will love the idea too! Happy DS, he loves his sister! Grin

OP posts:
gingina · 04/11/2016 17:53

He's a bit Disney although not nearly as bad as when I met him.
It's more thy he will automatically do whatever his ex dictates then tell me after which to me is the wrong way round.
And also the way he is when his kids are here - obsessively desperate to keep them happy at all times while ignoring me (until dinner time when he asks what I'm cooking!!)
Last weekend they both had a party on Sunday so the weekend was cut short and he spent the whole day in mourning missing them!!! FFS they were having fun but because they weren't with him in HIS time he went into misery mode
Where's that bottle ....!!!

Original poster
Evilstepmum01 · 04/11/2016 20:45

Ah yes, the clingy Dad! DH used to be like that! his house was a shrine to DSD.
suffice to say words were had and things are much better!
What are you cooking? Um....sorry if he ignored me all day, I'd be asking what HE's cooking!

Have some Wine I find it most helpful!

OP posts:
satinthedark · 04/11/2016 20:55

I can not get my EX to understand that if DCS do spend a weekend with him ( a rare event) the normal things still have to happen - he has to make sure homework is done, bath, clean nails, go to sports stuff - it is about normal life in a family - not a fucking party every time.

Drives me insane. He has to be bad cop - it is not just me. I can not be the one who nags all the time.

Pisses me off when they get back at 1800 on Sunday and I find their school uniform not washed, stinking sports kit in their bag which he has had all weekend and no homework done. cue mega tears and how life with Dad is fun - NO NO NO!