Hi all :) I have been on here when my boys were babies, but it was ages ago. So, new name and saying hi. And just need a vent.
My OH has a son, 7 year old, living in another country with his mother. His mother is a bitch (a lot of problems re visitations, general nastiness, bitter divorce case - she took everything).
We live in Latvia (he was the one who moved here to be with me), his son lives in Netherlands (2 hour flight away).
When we were ok financially, I had no problems with him going to see his son every 2-3 weeks for a weekend, which would costs with flights and hotel sometimes anywhere from 300 to 700USD, sometimes he took him to his parents, so was saving on a hotel. Also, he was coming to us on holidays.
Now... For the last year and a half,we are struggling. BIG time. We have 2 business together:
1 is distribution business, which bring somewhere from 0 to a 2000USD max for now (before taxes, so actually less). From that we pay our rent and some utilitities. That is all it covers.
2 is our 2 restaurants.
One is going ok (but still we just about manage to break even), second is 7 months old and still is in a huge minus every month (it is normal for a restaurant not to get profits for a while).
Every day is a struggle. With staff, with working hours, we have NOT had a break for over a year (and I am not even talking about a holiday, didn't have that in 3 years). In a restaurant business you must be on place every day. Because a lot of the times one of the staff can't come in, is ill, etc. etc, so you have to cover for them. We both work 6-7 days a week.
But the worst is money! We have put all our savings, sold house, borrowed from my mother to make it work. And I believe we can make it work (although some days I curse the day we even started it).
And we struggle with everyday private bills.
We have no luxuries. No extras. My mum pays for our car and my health insurance. My mum and ex support my boys from previous relationships.
We buy cheapest food privately. I stopped my beauty extras (I colored my hair brown, so I don't have to spend money on doing highlights, don't go to hairdresser, don't do nails... Etc.etc.etc.). We do not have family days out (only going for walks). And I think very hard about using car unnecessary (like going to the seaside, which is 30 minutes away).
We live managing our saving (gone now, I have 60$ on my bank account) and that little, what one restaurant brings ( max 300$ a month). And it's to cover food for 4, petrol, and basic necessities.
With ALL THAT, he was not able to see his son much lately. Last time he saw him was 7 weeks ago. Considering our financial situation, we can not afford even that.
I am pregnant now. And working has been hard - I am still doing that. I have to deal with a HUGE stress every day managing restaurants. He helps a LOT.
I have been feeling super sick, super depressed about business. My health is not great. One of us MUST be available 24/7 if something happens. And lately, on call was he.
THIS weekend his son has a catholic confirmation. On Sunday. And he decided to go.
As he feels guilty about moving to another country, he has no consideration for me in these matters. If I even try and bring the subject of him not going for a bit now, considering the whole picture, he completely blows off.
My arguments such as there are a lot of men, who are in the army, work on oil rigs, etc. and are not at home much either, do not work.
If he feels he must go, he must go!
And it drives me CRAZY! I know... He is his son. And I respect that. When money was no issue, I did not mind that at all.
But now it is. If he goes, rent will be paid late, or I will end up asking my mum for money again for food (I will never forget the humiliation of standing in a supermarket with 4$ and thinking what to buy to feef myself and my 2 boys, as he went off to see his child).
And it is not only money. Stress. TONS of work to do. My pregnancy. I physically can not work for 14 hours anymore. And in a restaurant business one must. So if he goes now, I will have to do it. And I am scared. I am scared that I will overdo it and baby will die.
He is a good man on the whole. Despite all the financial troubles we love each other. And I am happy with him. We went through some very horrible times together. And now, privately with us it all is fine.
Just this thing.
Am I being unreasonable that I think that he should just toughen up for a while. Accept that he can not see his son for another 2-3 months while business goes at least more stable?
Or I am the biggest bitch in the world?