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Original poster

What are the rules with SC and bathing?

53 replies

MissingLynx · 06/02/2016 10:37

Ok, this may sound silly but me and my DP have had a bit of a disagreement. My youngest SD is 7 and i ocasionally have to wash her hair, i always make her put a bathing costume on as i dont feel comfortable seeing someone elses child naked, my partner thinks this is silly and since ive been in the childs life since she was 3 i should be okay with bathing her. I was just wondering how other SP deal with bath time.

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Bluelilies · 06/02/2016 11:04

I'd be comfortable bathing a 7 year old personally. If you're not it might be better to give her clear instructions and let her bath alone. Making her put a swimsuit on must seem a bit odd to her if she's not been brought up to be bothered be family seeing you naked.

timelytess · 06/02/2016 11:09

It seems perfectly reasonable to me, if she's used to your not seeing her naked. Have you explained it to her? I'm not a step-parent, but I am the mother who had an instinctively 'modest' toddler who was showering and hair washing alone, from choice, by the time she was seven.

timelytess · 06/02/2016 11:10

If anyone would like to sort out the tenses there, that's fine. She was a toddler but I am still her mother. Not sure how to make sense of that in writing.

Original poster
MissingLynx · 06/02/2016 11:52

Thank you for the replies. She has very long hair and struggles to wash it properly, i just wash her hair then leave the rest up to her, ive explained about the bathing costume and shes fine about it, sometimes she'll come through with her googles on, she thinks its fun. I dont think its strange and just wanted other people's opinions Smile

OP posts:
Bananasinpyjamas1 · 06/02/2016 11:57

I think you are being considerate, it's fine.

MyKingdomForBrie · 06/02/2016 11:58

I'd personally leave it up to her, my ex-dsds always wanted me in the room during bath time and were totally comfortable, I took my lead from them. Tbf I would see my dss 9 naked though so...

Micah · 06/02/2016 12:01

I'd make her dad do it.

Original poster
MissingLynx · 06/02/2016 12:21

Her dad lives 300 hundred miles away, me and my partner are are both women sorry i didnt make it clear it the OP.

OP posts:
NoCapes · 06/02/2016 12:23

I actually find that really odd
If she was your niece would it be the same?

CantWaitForWarmWeather · 06/02/2016 12:27

I thought you treated your stepchildren as if they were your own Missing?

So why say you're "not comfortable with seeing someone else's child naked"?

I think it's pretty cruel making a child wear a bathing costume in the bath. Tut tut.

Micah · 06/02/2016 12:28

Make her mum do it then.

CantWaitForWarmWeather · 06/02/2016 12:29

I second that.

Make her mum do it.

kimlo · 06/02/2016 12:31

I think its really odd. What on earth can be wrong with seeing a young childs body?

SparkleSoiree · 06/02/2016 12:36

I think it's strange and have never heard of anyone doing that with their step daughters. I have around half a dozen friends with step children. NoCapes makes a good point, if it was a relative would you think it odd? Perhaps her mum should do it from now on and save the whole swimsuit business from occurring. That way DSD can have normal bath time with no clothes on.

Original poster
MissingLynx · 06/02/2016 12:43

Is it really that strange?, i havent got children of my own so i had no experience when i met my DP, its just something ive always done and yes id probably do the same if it was my niece or any child that wasnt mine, her mother does bath her this only happens occasionally if her mother is out.

OP posts:
NoCapes · 06/02/2016 12:46

But she's your stepdaughter she is yours
Unless you don't really see her that way? Is she just 'your partners daughter'? Or do you call her your stepchild?

Jesabel · 06/02/2016 12:46

So do you live full time with this child, but never see her naked? That seems odd to me. You're going to make her think her body is shameful.

Original poster
MissingLynx · 06/02/2016 12:47

Carnt- I do treat them like there my own, i do everything there mother does i just do it different, me and my partner are equally responsible for all 5 children but clearly im still learning

OP posts:
NoCapes · 06/02/2016 12:47

Just to add I think making her wear a swimming costume in the bath is likely to install some serious body issues for her

Blue2014 · 06/02/2016 12:49

Sorry I'm with capes. It's just a naked child, I don't understand what's uncomfortable about that?

CantWaitForWarmWeather · 06/02/2016 12:50

My dsd baths/showers herself now, but when she was 7 I never felt uncomfortable seeing her naked and bathing her. Although, if DP was at home he should have been the one bathing her tbh. He was the one who felt "uncomfortable" seeing her naked and I was a bit Hmm. I think he used to use it as an excuse to get out of bathing her to be honest!

Now that she's nearly 11 she baths/showers herself.

Original poster
MissingLynx · 06/02/2016 12:53

Yes i live full time with her and no i dont see her naked, why would i? She gets dressed in her bedroom. I also have 15 yo twin SD and i dont see them naked either, i dont understand how it can make me less of a step mum because i dont feel comfortable seeing the children naked?, they all call me mum but they obviously know im not there real mum so it isnt a problem for them.

OP posts:
Pointlessfan · 06/02/2016 12:55

My step mum bathed me naked and got me changed for swimming and I didn't even live with her! It was fine, I would have found it more weird to put on a swimming costume in the bath.

CalicoBlue · 06/02/2016 12:58

I do think it a bit odd, tbh.

I bathed my DSS from the age of 2 to 6ish. I would still go into the bathroom when he was in the bath after that age. DH could not do nit combing (not sure why not), so I would go in when DSS was in the bath and do his hair. There was bubble bath so he was covered. I would never have thought of asking him to put swimming trunks on though.

CantWaitForWarmWeather · 06/02/2016 12:58

The 15 year old I can understand. She probably doesn't want you to be around when she's naked any way.

But the 7 year old, just let her be a kid rather than making such an issue out of her being naked. Let her have a bath without a costume on, let her get changed in the living room whilst you're in the same room. Why make it in to such of a big deal?
She's got a few years before she needs to start thinking about having her own privacy.